Unfortunately, in our society, being a shy and quiet person is sometimes considered a personality trait that you have to "live with", rather than a quality to be proud and pleased about.
"Shyness" is a word with many meanings and you can be just a little shy or let yourself be completely paralyzed by this state of mind. This article aims to address those people whose shyness is a source of slight discomfort for them when they are in company. See related articles on wikiHow and the Sources and Quotes section to learn more about other types of shyness.
Steps
Step 1. Remember that how shy people are viewed varies by culture
In some countries, the most popular boys are the most shy and reserved ones, as in many regions of Europe (Finland, Austria, Hungary, Russia) and Asia (Japan, China, Russia, Indonesia) while in the United States and in Italy, the liveliest and noisiest kids are generally more popular than the others (there are studies that show this). In other parts of the world, everyone would envy the way you do. People who live in countries that have low-context cultures, such as Japan, are often more shy than those who live in countries that have high-context cultures, such as Italy.
Step 2. Even if outgoing and "noisy" people always get noticed at first, that type of personality often becomes boring
It is more enjoyable to get to know someone slowly, which is exactly the same as it is for shy people. Have you ever noticed that when a person is "a little reserved" he becomes more attractive in the eyes of others? Shy people show more self-control and self-awareness than outgoing ones. In other words, shy people can be fascinating even in our culture, as long as they value themselves.
Step 3. Remember that many writers, philosophers, inventors, engineers, artists, scientists, composers, and other important people are shy or reserved
Being calm and sensitive is often synonymous with intelligence and creativity.
Step 4. Read books that deal with this side of your character
Try reading Sensitive people have an edge over Rolf Selling or Too sensitive. How to make hypersensitivity your strength by Ilse Sand, which explain the various types of personalities and their positive characteristics. If your shyness is an obstacle to you (you want to say something, but you can't), read Anxiety, Phobias and Panic Attacks by Elaine Sheehan (dealing with social phobia). If you are feeling lonely, read How to Overcome Social Anxiety. Overcoming relationship difficulties with others and Signe A. Dayhoff's sense of insecurity, which will help you feel more comfortable in a group.
Step 5. Be proud that you are someone who can handle being on their own for hours or days
Some extroverted people can't stand being alone, while you have no problem doing it. Reserved people have great inventiveness and are able to get by on their own. Those extroverts sometimes feel broken without the presence of others.
Step 6. Remember that there can be an infinity of talkers, but you are unique
You can listen to others. When they notice this feature of yours, they will love you!
Step 7. Know your strengths
Are you better at writing than speaking? Does your confidentiality allow you to be a good observer and to understand situations better than anyone else who is unable to shut their mouth long enough to notice what is happening? Do you have artistic talent in drawing or crafts or do you have special skills in a game, a hobby or a solitary profession? Being shy isn't necessarily a disadvantage, and it absolutely doesn't mean you can't feel confident about yourself.
Step 8. Look for other shy people like you to spend time with
If you feel you are upholstering a party or gathering, look for other people who are glued to their chairs. It's not just you who prefer to converse at the same pace as a chess match, rather than a ping pong match. Many others would appreciate the company of a person with whom they can be in peace and read a good book. You may also be able to establish a bond with this person that goes far beyond what someone more outgoing than you would be able to establish by talking about this and that to everyone in the room.
Step 9. Shy people are often too hard on themselves and others
They don't want to risk saying something stupid and think that others are just blabbering nonsense. The solution might be to say at least one stupid thing to someone every day like "Bananas! - I don't understand a thing!" or "I don't know if cheese with holes or without is better". Allow yourself to say some nonsense from time to time and don't worry about how others will react.
Advice
- You are as you are. The world needs you. Very. Don't ignore the gift you have. Yes, exactly: it is a gift.
- Do things at your own pace. It doesn't matter what others think. You may be surprised, but many will envy you.
- Shyness is not a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with you.
- Shy people are usually also introverted. Psychologists define introversion as a tendency to be internally motivated. Pay attention: do you find your motivations to act more in yourself rather than in others? This is a very positive personality trait and it is even more so if you know you have it, but introversion and shyness are very different things. Introverted people prefer to do things alone, but are not afraid of contact with others, while shy ones avoid contact out of fear.
- If you can, try to improve your ability to communicate. Practice with someone you know well and trust. You don't have to use these skills if you don't want to, but having them in time of need won't hurt.
- Others believe that you know yourself better than anyone else. If you believe that there is something wrong with you, they will believe it too.
- Read sr = 2-1 / ref = sr_2_1 / 104-4202773-8169526 Shyness: A Bold New Approach or sr = 2-2 / ref = sr_2_2 / 104-4202773-8169526 The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk: How to Talk to Anyone Anytime Anywhere About Anything, both written by Bernardo J. Carducci. These books have not yet been translated into Italian, unfortunately.
