Leaving a loved one can be very difficult. It is not easy to deal with changes, especially when they involve the removal of a loved one or one for whom you have a lot of affection. However, once you become aware that you have to let go of an unhealthy relationship, you can start working towards a new beginning and possibly a new version of yourself.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Examine Yourself
Step 1. Face reality
Unfortunately, most of the time, people know they have to do it, but are unable to for fear of the consequences. Coming to terms with reality will help you understand that the time has come to leave a compromised relationship.
- To face reality, try to imagine being another person and observing your situation from the outside. How would you judge this situation? Is the answer obvious? If this is the case, you already know how to behave.
- If you find it difficult to detach yourself from the situation and observe it with the eyes of an outside person, try giving the characters involved in the story different names. Change your name to someone else's. Modify some distinctive traits to get as far away as possible from the image of yourself. The goal is to create an imaginary distance between you and this new character who represents you. Do the same with the person you're trying to distance yourself from.
- Alternatively, imagine a similar scenario as if it were happening to your friend and her partner. What advice would you give her? Would you tell her it's time to move on?
Step 2. Listen to the opinions of others
Talk to a friend (or a parent if you feel comfortable). Ask this person how they would behave in your place or if they have ever experienced such a situation.
- Promise this person that you will not judge their response, inform them that you are only trying to clarify your situation and that your goal is not simply to have a clear conscience.
- Ask if your intentions can be justified or if you too contributed to the downfall of this relationship.
- If you want to find a therapist in your area, try to consult this website:
Step 3. Examine the situation
Write down your feelings in a journal where you can pour your reflections. Since you will be the only person to have access to these pages, try to express yourself with the utmost honesty. Find the common thread in what you write. Too often do you take responsibility for what happens? In this case, you have to ask yourself if it is really your fault or if the other person has made a greater contribution.
- In your journal, you can ask yourself specific questions to help you figure out if it's time to end the relationship. Does your partner keep stressing that he doesn't want to commit to a relationship or does he threaten you to end the relationship by engaging in moral blackmail? Is he envious of your achievements rather than proud? Is he cheating on you? Doesn't it require the same level of intimacy that you need? If you've put these questions in writing and answered yes at least once, it means it's time to move on. Keeping a diary about your relationship can also help you deal with a possible breakup.
- After writing down your thoughts and thinking about it for a long time, let a day go by and reread it all over again with a new mindset. If the same considerations come up, it is very likely that they are true.
Step 4. Find out if you are risking everything for an ideal
For example, if you try to achieve perfection in a relationship and are not willing to settle, the problem is probably yours and not the other person's. In this case, you need to try to think about how you can change your point of view if you want to make the relationship work.
- Talk to your partner honestly, letting them know about your struggles due to unrealistic expectations, but explain that you want to commit to making the relationship work. He may appreciate your straightforwardness and honesty, feeling more predisposed to meet you.
- To find out if you are risking everything for an ideal, ask friends, relatives or acquaintances who are not involved for an opinion. Listen to their advice to understand if you have an unrealistic view or if your point of view about the relationship and the "mistakes" of the partner is justified.
- You can try to answer these questions as well:
- Do you expect to be sexually satisfied by the other person every time you feel the need?
- Do you expect the partner to fulfill all your requests?
- Do you expect the partner to answer all your needs?
Step 5. Try to understand that lack of attention is a wake-up call
If you find that you don't want to share your time with your partner, that you don't really care how their day went, or that you no longer respect their opinion, you are probably falling out of love with them. These signs may indicate that it is time to leave him.
It's not always easy to leave someone, but don't allow guilt to affect you. It is better to let the other person find someone who knows how to really love and love her rather than persevering in a relationship because of the sense of guilt
Method 2 of 2: Examine the Report
Step 1. Look for signs
Alarm bells can take many forms, but their presence is enough to understand that the time has come to let go and end the relationship. Pay attention to the always the same mechanisms of jealousy, insecurity, quarrels, boredom, and that general sense of malaise or unhappiness.
All of these can represent alarm bells related to an unhealthy relationship. Arguing is normal and healthy, but it doesn't take much to cross the line
Step 2. Pay attention to constant fights
If you argue for trivial reasons, the cause could be a lack of attraction and / or a sense of inferiority of the other person. However, this does not necessarily imply that there is a problem, because it is normal that we discuss in pairs, but it could mean that there are other dilemmas at the basis of the relationship. Don't allow futile or meaningless arguments to precipitate the relationship, but if they happen too often you may have no other choice.
If you find yourself thinking of ending a relationship due to excessive conflict, you can try to answer some questions. What is the reason for the discussions? What is the object of these quarrels? Is this the first time you have quarreled for this reason or has it happened to you in the past? If you argue with the aim of hurting the other person, if you discover that the discussion arises from issues of lesser importance or if the same disputes continue to repeat themselves over and over because you are unable to resolve the differences, it may be time to tackle the problem
Step 3. Check if bad mood is a constant in your relationship
When two people feel annoyed by each other, they are unable to show neither love nor interest. You can feel your partner's moody when nothing you do seems to be right and satisfying, or if some of your attitudes in public embarrass him (as a rule, he should love the way you behave).
Remember that you need to look for those signs that indicate a continuous bad mood or annoying attitudes that repeat themselves in the same way over time. Don't give too much importance to a single episode, because everyone gets angry with their partner from time to time
Step 4. Pay attention to the drop in communication
For a lasting relationship, both parties need to know how to discuss problems and ideas, but if the other person stops communicating it could mean that it is time to let them go (in a relationship it is essential to be able to express your thoughts and feelings honestly.). This means that the lack of communication on an emotional level is a clear signal that it is time to move on.
However, if the problems are serious and you are in love with this person, consider going to a relationship counselor to put your feelings in order
Step 5. Listen to your partner
If the other person has the courage to tell you that they are no longer interested in having a relationship with you, listen to them. It is perhaps one of the most difficult and painful things to hear, but the truth does less harm than constant lies. If someone respects you enough to tell you the truth, give them the respect they deserve and let them go.
It is never easy to be told that you are not the right person after sharing moments together, but in the end you will be happier with someone who truly loves you for who you are
Step 6. Look for signs of betrayal
It may happen that the partner begins to send messages to a person you do not know or who comes back late in the evening with the smell of someone else on him. It can also happen that your profile comes back online on dating sites with updated photos or that there are provocative messages on your Facebook page. These circumstances could indicate that he is cheating on you or is about to do so.
- Do not devalue yourself by staying by the side of a person who cheats on you. At the first sign of treason, you need to take action. You deserve so much more. Turn the page and try to forgive the other person for leaving everything behind, otherwise there is a risk that the unresolved issues will continue to affect you emotionally.
- If you are no longer happy with this person and you feel that something in your relationship is fading, such as moments of happiness spent together, make a decision and make the first move. Try to discover the truth not only for your own good, but also for the good of the other person. Decide what is best for both of you.
Advice
- Make the decisions you think are right, not the ones your friends think are right. This is about your life, so you need to behave as you see fit after weighing everything, regardless of any advice you have received, including the ones in this article.
- Don't be in a hurry and try to be sure of your decision before you make it happen. If you don't feel ready to let it go or you think your motivations don't match the ones mentioned above, don't do it or you'll end up compromising the relationship.
- It can be very difficult to leave something behind, but you need to face reality. It's natural to want to be happy, but you can't find happiness if you keep holding on to something or someone that harms you.
- Try not to be hesitant when making a decision. There is no quicker way to lose the respect of others than to affirm something and then retract. If you draw a boundary line, be prepared to never cross it.
- Missing an ex is an integral part of the process. If you are patient, you can recover the relationship in the future.
- When the malaise overcomes the happiness it means that the time has come to let go.
- Remember that first of all you have to love yourself and love yourself. Letting someone go can be painful for the other person, but you have to worry above all about yourself.
Warnings
- Don't crawl back to his feet or you'll get sucked into an emotional vortex that won't do you any good.
- It is advisable to consult the other person about the decision to be taken before implementing it. His attitude may not depend on you but on something else, like work. In this case, it would not be fair to ruin a relationship on the basis of an incorrect assessment.
