Everyone adopts self-destructive behaviors at least once in their life. Whether they are intentional or not, they can have consequences for themselves and others. However, with a little patience and a willingness to change it is possible to put an end to this negative conduct and live a happy life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Identifying Self-Destructive Patterns
Step 1. Define your trends
First, it is important to identify the behaviors you engage in and that you think are negative for you before trying to change them. Self-destructive behaviors can be psycho-physical harmful. List any self-harming attitudes you would like to change.
- The following behaviors are defined as self-destructive: self-harm (cutting, pinching, beating / punching oneself, scratching, pulling hair), compulsions (gambling, overeating, drug use, dangerous sexual practices, excessive shopping), neglect (ignoring personal needs, ignoring one's health, refusing to be helped) and thoughts / behaviors that cause psychological damage (pessimism, excessive need for others, denying one's responsibilities, being mistreated by others). There are so many self-destructive behaviors that it is impossible to list them all, so try to analyze your life and your way of acting to discover the trends that in one way or another harm you.
- Do you drown shame, remorse and guilt by giving in to alcohol and drug abuse or by smoking excessively?
- Write down all your self-harming patterns. Try keeping a journal in which to list them.
- If you are unclear, ask friends and family about behaviors that they believe are potentially harmful.
Step 2. Try to understand why you engage in these behaviors
According to some studies, people can act in a self-destructive way to distract themselves from thoughts or moods characterized by severe pain.
For each self-destructive behavior you write, find the reason. For example, there can be several reasons for excessive alcohol consumption: wanting to integrate into a group, insecurity, a desire to relax, reduce stress or have fun. Think about the benefits of such behavior
Step 3. Determine the consequences
Find out why a behavior is bad. For example, if you realize that alcohol abuse is ruining you, remember the unpleasant things that happen when you drink too much. You could write down: losing consciousness, experiencing a hangover, making bad decisions, mortifying the people you love, and getting involved in illegal activities. Describe the feelings that arise from these behaviors, such as anger, sadness, guilt, or shame.
Step 4. Track your behaviors
In a journal, write down times when you acted self-destructively. Identify the context, but also all the thoughts, feelings and behaviors you have expressed (negative or not). Just keep a record of your self-injurious behaviors and note the situational, mental and emotional patterns that emerge.
- For example, if smoking is part of your self-destructive behaviors, you might include positives (for example, it helps you calm down and makes you feel comfortable around people) and negatives (such as serious health risks) on your list., addiction, high price of cigarettes and medical expenses).
- Identify the benefits that would result from any change. Based on your personal assessment of your self-harming tendencies, examine the positives and negatives if you want to correct any behavior that harms you. In this way, you will know which ones are the most important to modify.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Your Mindset
Step 1. Accept your responsibilities
Sometimes, we blame others instead of seeing to what extent we engage in self-destructive behavior. It can be difficult to manage the underlying pain caused by a difficult childhood or a troubled marriage in which violence prevails, but we can take control of our lives by analyzing emotional issues, helping ourselves and overcoming our addictions.
Step 2. Recognize useless mental patterns
Thoughts are linked to feelings and behaviors. In other words, the way we feel and act is dictated by the perception we have of ourselves and the surrounding world. These ideas are central to cognitive-behavioral therapy, a form of psychological therapy used to treat self-destructive behaviors.
- Write down the thoughts you associate with each of your self-destructive behaviors. Ask yourself, "What do I think about before doing this? What thoughts influence and perpetuate my conduct?" For example, if the problem is alcoholism, you might think, "I'll just have a drink. I really need it. I deserve it. Nothing bad will happen." These are the thoughts that encourage a person to consume alcohol.
- Learn to recognize your negative mindset. Here are some examples: catastrophism (thinking that the worst always happens), hypergeneralization (also known as dichotomous thinking, which leads you to believe that things are all good or all bad), reading minds (trying to understand what others think) and predict the future (think you know what will happen). For example, if you are convinced that someone is thinking badly about you, you may get depressed or angry and ultimately fuel your self-destructive behaviors. If you correct this mental habit, you can ward off negative emotions and attitudes.
Step 3. Correct self-destructive thoughts
If you change your way of thinking, your way of feeling and acting also changes. Make a complete list of your thoughts and start questioning them as soon as they resurface.
Write down your thoughts in a journal. Reflect on the situation, how you see it rationally, and how you perceive it emotionally. Then, identify the elements that support these reflections and the elements that oppose them. Finally, use this information to produce considerations that are closer to reality. For example, if your mother yells at you, you might pick her up and believe she is the worst parent in the world. The elements in favor of this thought could be: screams and does not know how to communicate calmly. Instead, the elements against this thought could be: he says he loves me, offers me a roof and prepares me to eat, supports me and so on. A more balanced perspective overall (allowing you to disprove the belief that your mother is the worst mother of all) might be: "My mom has her flaws and sometimes screams, but I know she tries to help me and she loves me." This thinking can mitigate anger and, therefore, promote healthier behavior than drinking alcohol or socially isolating yourself
Step 4. Practice
Once you have identified the useless thoughts and developed the alternative ones, you must try to gradually change your mental habit. Be aware of negative feelings (such as anger, sadness, stress) and, when they come to the surface, identify everything that is on your mind.
- You can rely on your diary. Read it and try to correct yourself. For example, if you think, "My mother is a horrible person and doesn't love me," remember the alternative thought developed earlier and repeat, "My mother loves me, but sometimes she loses her temper."
- Take note of your progress and learn from mistakes. Keep updating your diary by entering situations that can foster self-destructive behaviors. If you spot any negative thoughts, write a viable alternative that can produce a better result. If you are self-harming, find another solution. For example, if your mother yells at you, you might think, "I can't stand her. She doesn't care about me." After that, anger and feeling may set in, leading you to lock yourself in your room and isolate yourself from others for several days. Find a different way of looking at and dealing with the situation. For example, you might think, "I love her despite her flaws and I know she cares about me even when she does that." Try to think this way the next time the same situation arises (your mother scolds you). You may feel better and try to reconcile with her instead of engaging in behavior that harms you.
Part 3 of 3: Managing the Triggers of Self-Destructive Behaviors
Step 1. Understand the link between emotions and behaviors
Stronger negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety, and anger, can promote self-destructive behaviors. Therefore, to correct the latter, it is crucial to find new ways of coping with the triggers.
Step 2. Analyze
Some triggers are very likely to cause you to fall into the usual self-harming patterns. Follow the tips in the previous step to identify thoughts, feelings, and situations that trigger self-destructive tendencies. They do not only have to do with the emotional sphere, but also with particular situations in which self-damaging attitudes emerge.
- Keep updating your diary. Devote a section only to identifying and controlling the factors that trigger self-destructive behaviors. For example, those related to alcoholism could be: when my mother yells at me, when I feel stressed or overwhelmed, when I hang out with friends who are drinking, and when I am at home and feel lonely.
- Avoid triggering situations. For example, if you want to decrease your alcohol intake but know that you are driven to drink by dating certain people, eliminate every opportunity. Instead of putting yourself in a potentially risky situation where it would be difficult to say no, find an excuse or explain that you want to stop drinking.
Step 3. List your coping strategies
It is important to learn to manage the triggers (situations, emotions and thoughts) from which self-destructive behaviors arise. In addition to correcting particular thoughts, you can also consciously change your attitude or replace it with one that helps you deal with the problem.
- If you believe in a higher entity, try to communicate with it. Sometimes, to put something behind us, we have to talk about it first.
- Try something new. Find more profitable alternatives to your self-destructive behaviors. For example, you might try writing, painting, coloring, playing sports, camping or hiking, walking, collecting items, helping others, or gardening.
Step 4. Learn to manage emotions
Avoid running away from emotions. Try to get back on your feet instead of chasing instant gratification. Negative stress tolerance allows you to manage emotions instead of avoiding them. Emotions are part of life.
- When you feel a strong negative emotion (anger, despair, stress, frustration), instead of trying to distract you immediately or looking for a way to feel better, think, "I feel _, and it's natural. Even if it's not pleasant, it won't kill me. and it will go away ".
- Our emotions provide us with valuable information on how to deal with situations. Try to reflect on the cause of a certain state of mind and see what you get out of it. For example, if you are angry at your mother for yelling at you, try to figure out why. Is it because you were hurt by her words, because you think they were inappropriate, or maybe because you are worried that she might become violent?
- Focus on the physical sensations triggered by emotions. For example, when you get angry, do you feel a tension in your shoulders, shake everything, clench your fists or teeth? Live them fully even if they are not pleasant. You can come to calm down by carefully reflecting on physical sensations. After all, it's all about emotions.
- Use writing as therapy. Write down any thoughts and feelings that foster your self-destructive behaviors.
Step 5. Take care of your health
Sometimes, stress can cause us to have unhealthy behaviors to cope with certain situations, such as eating junk foods, avoiding exercise, and sleeping less.
- Get enough sleep. Most people need at least 8 hours of sleep per night in order to perform optimally in daily life.
- Eat and drink healthily. Avoid overdoing snacks, sweets, and junk foods.
- Train yourself to manage the negative mood that comes with stress and depression.
Step 6. Cultivate healthy relationships
Insecure interpersonal bonds increase the risk of developing self-harming behaviors. Social support is very important to put an end to these attitudes. Identify the safest bonds you have in family, friends, and other relationships and make them stronger.
- Relate correctly to the people you love. Look for their company: eat and train together, talk, walk, play or try something new.
- If there are people in your life who do not support you or who mortify you, consider cutting all bridges or distancing yourself. You can start by setting boundaries and explaining to them that you will not tolerate certain behaviors, such as raising your voice.
Step 7. Seek help
If you have self-harming behaviors, consider that it can be caused by depression, anxiety, and aggression. Furthermore, they can be associated with past violence or trauma, but also with drug addiction problems. Contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a useful treatment for those who suffer from emotional dysregulation or anger, have problems with self-harm, meditate on suicide, use alcohol or drugs and have relationship and / or interpersonal difficulties. This therapeutic path tends to improve awareness of the present experience, the ability to interact with others, emotional regulation and tolerance to negative stress.
- Problem solving therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) helps patients to solve problems correctly (by encouraging them to abandon self-destructive ones) and to learn useful coping strategies.
- Cognitive restructuring (a technique of cognitive psychotherapy) allows to modify maladaptive beliefs (cognitive schemes), reducing negative behaviors.
- Consider the treatment options available to you. Consult a mental health professional for more information or to discuss drug therapies.
