Everyone gets angry. There is a lot of anger in the air these days, it is estimated that at least one in five Americans have anger management problems. As with fits of anger, moments in which it happens to have a nervous breakdown in front of everyone, shouting, screaming and hitting anyone who comes within range, this is destructive anger at its peak. It hurts you and it hurts others, physically, emotionally and socially. Having an emotional breakdown is only a bad thing, it is something that can be expected from young children, who have a very limited way of expressing themselves. But if you are old enough to read this article, you are already too old to have one of these nervous breakdowns, regardless of your mood, pride or belief that you are "on the side of reason". The responsible way to face a more peaceful life is to repress these breakdowns and to learn how to manage your approach to burdensome situations.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Immediate self-control
Step 1. Learn to understand when you are about to have a fit of anger
Very often, people feel "on fire" or are preparing to vent their anger. The faster you learn to know when it's about to log in, the more time you have to prevent it. Some signals your body gives you include:
- Muscles tense, especially those in the face and neck. They also clench their fists.
- The teeth grind and the jaw clenches.
- Sweat
- The color of the skin changes, either reddens or turns pale
- Tremors ("tremble with anger" is a well-known saying)
- Goose bumps
- Feel the heart beating faster, the mind becomes clouded.
- The tone of voice changes.
- Dizziness or lightheadedness
- Stomach cramps or a feeling of diarrhea
- Feel the extremes of temperature.
Step 2. Note your actions and emotional reactions
In reactions and feelings there are many more signals that help you understand that you are angry or are about to have a fit of anger. Some of which include:
- Feeling agitated, anxious, sad, bitter, guilty, terrified, wanting to leave, wanting to hit someone or something, and wanting something soothing like a cigarette, alcoholic drink, or even a prescribed tranquilizer that you keep on hand and take when you want.
- Actions, such as constantly moving your legs, rubbing your face, using sarcasm, losing a sense of humor, becoming offensive or irritating, screaming or crying, clenching your fists.
Step 3. Hold yourself physically
If you're talking to someone and feel ready to break out, don't say anything. Hold your breath or bite your tongue if you have to.
- If your anger is directed against an object (such as the image of that woman who is accepting the phone) and you feel that you are about to throw it somewhere, hold one hand with the other. Close your fist (without letting the object fall) and bring it to your chest or stomach if you have to (but don't do it too violently, or you could get hurt).
- If you feel like you are about to kick something or someone, step on one foot with the other and hold it still.
Step 4. Sit down and breathe
It doesn't matter where you are. Sit down. It can be on a chair, the floor, or the desk. Everywhere. Sit down and take a deep breath. It's an old technique, but it tends to work very well. The meditator knows that as soon as you start focusing on your breath, everything else fades away. Remove all thoughts, listen to your breathing and slow it down.
Step 5. Don't talk and don't think
Stay where you are for a few minutes and think about why you are so upset. If you are around other people, walk away and sit down to think. Consider whether it is really worth having a fit of anger for what happened.
Step 6. Tell yourself that you cannot think clearly when you are upset
Angry people do unpleasant things because they don't have the ability to think clearly when they are clouded with fury. Therefore you may come to wrong conclusions, feel the offense in every word and action around you and believe that others are angry with you. All of these assumptions are wrong and potentially dangerous, if you act in relation to them, both for your physical health and for your reputation. They especially negatively affect your chances of getting what you want.
Step 7. Get out of this situation by going home
If you consider home a safe environment, it's the best place to go, especially if you can't control your anger. If you are in school or at work, you feel very down, almost out of your mind, and you don't care about having to deal with the consequences (if any), go home earlier.
- If you are in school, you may be able to leave without having to explain, although it is best to notify your parents first.
- If you are at work, ask the boss. When you get the green light from him, grab your stuff and walk away. Don't feel guilty. It is better to go home earlier than to risk another tantrum that could get you into serious trouble.
Step 8. If you can't go home, take a break and go somewhere else, get away from the crowds or people who have angered you
Depending on where you are, you may be limited if you want to do this, but even going to a public restroom or broom closet can be better than staying there and seething with anger. Try to take at least ten minutes to calm down and get away from the area or people who made you agitated.
Do something that distracts you, even something small, like playing a game on your phone or playing with your fingers. It may seem silly, but these methodical actions can ease the anger a little
Step 9. Let everyone know you are okay
Some may notice that you were about to have a fit of anger and may be worried about it. If someone asks, say you are okay and thank them for their concern. You don't have to tell them anything and not talk about it. Just say you need to be alone for a minute.
An exception to saying nothing occurs when you have beaten or mistreated someone. In that case you MUST apologize. It wasn't their fault, you are in total control of yourself and teasing is no excuse. Be mature and responsible. The more you try to recognize your responsibilities, the less often you will find yourself in these situations in the future
Step 10. The next day, forget about the accident
Don't hold back the feelings that blew you up the day before. It's over, and you got over it. If there is something that needs to be fixed (such as an argument), wait until you are sure you can handle it without feeling anger. If it is something inevitable (it happened at school or at work), try to put yourself in a good mood first. Don't think What is the reason? When I get there my good mood will go away.”He thinks more than anything else that you are relieving the anger before trying it.
Method 2 of 2: In the Future, Continuous Self-Control
Step 1. Learn from your experiences
What worked and helped you manage your anger? And what was he not able to do? By noticing what calmed you most to support the moods that make you feel agitated, you can begin to directly address the problems and feelings that trigger them.
Step 2. Look for the real reason you are upset
Sometimes, fits of anger can be the result of something totally unrelated to what caused them. This is especially true if this experience is not new to you. For example, you've had a tough day, you're definitely exhausted and don't have the patience to handle more stress, not even a little bit. In this case, the outbreak of anger could be the result of fatigue, not the fact that your cell phone has been discharged. The main reasons behind the most common anger include:
- Being afraid and threatened. Daniel Goleman, author of 'Emotional Intelligence: What It Is and Why It Can Make Us Happy', suggests that a frightening past experience that threatened one's life, safety or self-esteem can act as an emotional trigger for anger, even in the future. This involves the limbic centers in the neural pathways, because hormones are released that can keep you alert for days.
- The irritability derived from not eating and drinking properly can lead to anger. Remembering to eat on time and stay hydrated can prevent a sensitive person from letting go of temper tantrums.
- Lack of sleep or sleep deprivation over time: Some people don't realize they are sleep deprived because it occurs gradually as a result of too much work or too much study. For others, it is enough to have slept badly the night before. Sleeping well and for a long time is essential to prevent any future outbursts of anger.
Step 3. When you have identified the real reason for your upset, express those feelings or reasons instead of feeling angry
Were your feelings hurt? You are scared? Are you tired or hungry? Or maybe you are afraid of being humiliated. Identifying the real reasons is essential to properly direct your energies towards them, rather than giving free rein to anger.
Step 4. Change your way of thinking
You always have the power to change the way you think. If you recognize the main reason that leads you to have a fit of anger, you can be kinder to yourself and to the world and prevent anger from mounting inside you.
- The habit of having negative thoughts can make you perpetually angry. If you have trouble accepting the ups and downs of life, you may have fallen into a spiral of negativity that leads you to believe that things are never right, and that it is always someone else's fault. Learn to accept that good and bad things "happen" and that it is no one's fault if situations sometimes take an unpleasant turn.
- It's how you react that matters, trying to blame someone else, arguing constantly, or focusing your anger on the people around you won't change that. Admit that your negative thoughts and feelings affect your perceptions and the way you treat others in every situation, it's a powerful realization and can set you free.
- If you have used anger to exercise power, stop it. It is not power. It's threatening and offensive, and anyone who does what you say when you're angry is doing it out of fear, not out of respect.
Step 5. Try to assert your needs rather than upset, yell, or swear
The statement is often confused with aggression, but it is not at all. By affirming yourself you can clearly express your needs without having to get upset.
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For example, imagine you've been in line for hours to get on a plane. The flight has been cancelled. You have been patient, but now you are hungry, tired and terrified of not being able to see your loved ones for that particular event. You can go to the flight booking desk and yell at them, or you can stay calm and say something like:
- "Damn, I'm very upset that the flight was canceled. My sister is 14 this weekend and I promised her I'd go see her for the first time in five years. I know we're all in the same situation and when something like this happens you have to work twice as much. It's just that I'm very worried that I won't be able to get there on time, it might be disappointing. Is there any way to catch the next plane on time? I paid full price and hoped to avoid these problems and it would mean a lot to me if you could help me somehow. " Now compare it with this:
- "Ugly @ * ^ & ^%! I paid a% $ 6 @ &% for this # & * ^% flight, I hate this @ * $ &% $ ^ of company, you're just a bunch of * @ &% * &. I'm going to tweet all the% $ 6 @ &% you are putting me through so everyone knows your @ &% $ *% * @ & company sucks!"
- Among these examples, who would you help?
- Above all, stay calm and realize that everyone likes to be treated well.
Get a Life Step 11 Step 6. Learn to relax
People who get angry easily tend not to know how to be or how to stay relaxed. Anger itself is a state of agitation that leaves you upset for hours and days, depending on the severity of the tantrum. If you haven't been able to relax for years, not only are you a great candidate for a heart attack, but it's also likely you'll tend to spiral into anger. Finding a way to relax immediately and in the long run is the key to reducing fits of anger and to see things more clearly.
Keep in mind that your anger punishes you by increasing your heart rate, making biochemical and physical changes in your body, and putting you in a state of perpetual stress. In the long run this drains your health and vitality. It can also give you a heart attack or heart attack
Restrain Yourself from an Outburst Step 17 Step 7. Read something about emotional intelligence and the ways you can increase it
Emotional intelligence is social intelligence. It allows you to monitor angry feelings and emotions, guiding your actions towards others accordingly. If you often feel victimized, now is the time to understand why and to find a positive way to solve the problem, rather than letting fear dominate your entire life.
Advice
- Know that while some people get annoyed if things don't go well for them, others may be more sensitive to noise, crowds, fatigue, hunger etc. This means they can get angry or fidget faster. Sometimes these sensitive people are called hotheads, but there is a big difference between them and those who explode in uncontrolled fits of anger. Those who are sensitive get agitated or angry. Those who have fits of anger literally explode at the slightest provocation. In both cases there is a need to manage anger.
- Anger is not necessarily something bad. It has a purpose, for the right reasons, as an alarm bell for danger and true injustices (not for the individualistic and selfish perception of injustice or for an imaginary danger). It would be silly if we had not evolved with this feeling, we would have walked around and the first predator we would have encountered would have devoured or dominated us, for this anger was formed, to protect us. It is where anger does not serve to inspire courage or strength, but becomes a way to control others through fear in a destructive way, that it loses its protective utility and becomes unhealthy. Using anger to assert yourself or express yourself quickly becomes unhealthy behavior, and like any unhealthy behavior, you must have the strength to abandon it.
- If you are unable to appease your short temper or suppress your temper tantrums, consider visiting a therapist. Sometimes what it takes is a health professional, and there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
- If you have a fit of anger and end up hurting someone, apologize, no matter how justified you were by doing that action. Your anger may be justifiable, but violent actions are never, ever.
Warnings
- Are you aware that you may be carrying around a long-suppressed anger? Many people don't know this and tend to find it easier to blame the world or hurt themselves than to look for the real reasons for their discomfort. Anger is not protective when it serves to hide one's wounds. Seek help to free yourself from what really hurts you and to really start living your life to the fullest.
- If you feel disoriented or have a headache after a fit of anger, lie down. It could be a symptom of a disease, as extreme stress can negatively affect the immune system. If it happens frequently, see a doctor.
