Do you smoke? Are you worried because your parents don't know and will be disappointed? Smoking is certainly a bad habit and can be a difficult subject to discuss with your parents. However, hiding it is almost as difficult as admitting it. If you are ready to quit and want to talk to your parents about it, make sure you choose the right time and use the right tone to get their support.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Choose the Place and Time
Step 1. Find a quiet moment
Your parents will react more favorably if you talk to them in a calm situation, perhaps when they are relaxed. Pick an occasion when one or the other is calm and ready to give you their full attention.
- It is often better to give bad news in the evening rather than during the day. The work day has come to an end and your parents will have fewer worries.
- Family dinner is one of the best times to deal with difficult topics. You can also try talking about smoking while helping your parents cook or watching television together.
- Postpone the discussion if you know that one of your parents is dealing with a stressful situation at home or at work. The news could spark a negative reaction and that's definitely not what you want.
Step 2. Keep the discussion private
Choose a quiet time when you are alone. It is best to have an open heart chat in a place where you will not be interrupted and where you can express yourself openly and sincerely.
- Talking indoors is a good choice if you don't have guests. Alternatively, you can start the conversation in your car, on a walk, or in another place where you are alone.
- You can also tell your parents the truth over the phone, as long as they have time to talk. Ask, "Am I calling at a good time? Do you have time to talk?"
- Confessing in public is not a good idea. Your parents may feel embarrassed if they hear the news at the mall, restaurant, family or friend's house, or anywhere else, and you should try to avoid a scene if possible.
- Don't use email or text messages. These kinds of discussions need to be held in person or at least in real time. They are also emotionally charged and you don't have to risk your parents misunderstanding your words.
Step 3. Start the conversation
Approach the matter with a regular conversation with your parents. Don't jump right into a speech you've already thought of, but just chat, put your parents at ease, and gradually prepare them for the news.
- You can start by asking your parents how they are, for example "How are you? How did you go at work today?". Continue with in-depth questions: "Have you been very busy at work this week, Dad?".
- Chatting with your parents helps you understand their state of mind. Are they ready to talk or are they too stressed out? Have they got their heads on some other pressing issue?
Step 4. Raise the issue carefully, at the right time and in the right place
You probably fear that your parents are angry and disappointed because you smoke, but don't let fear stop you. Instead, express your concerns in words during the conversation.
- Find out from your dialogue whether your parents have the right mindset to hear the news. What's their mood? Are you in a private place? Do they seem calm to you?
- If you feel the time is right, approach the problem. You can say "Mom we need to talk" or "Dad, there's something I want to tell you."
- If you think your parents may react abruptly or not support you, try to ease their anger right away. You can say "Mom, there's something I want to tell you, but I'm afraid I'll let you down," or "Dad, can we talk about something? It's something I'm not very proud of."
Part 2 of 3: Adopting the Right Tone
Step 1. Reassure them
Take a deep breath and go for it. However, before we get into the details, consider that your parents have no idea what you are going to say. Try to be reassuring and explain that you are not in danger.
- Make it clear right away that you are not in serious trouble. They will likely be relieved to know that you have not committed a crime or that you have not received disciplinary sanctions at school.
- You can say, "Before you worry too much, know that I am not in danger or in serious trouble."
- These reassurances can work to your advantage. For a worried parent, smoking can be less of a problem.
Step 2. Be direct
Don't mince words. Confess to your parents that you smoke and that you wanted to talk to them about it because you are concerned about yourself and their opinion.
- Consider simple phrases, such as "Dad, I just wanted to tell you I smoke," or "Mom, I'm sorry but I've started smoking."
- If your parents are very sensitive to smoking, add an apology to soften their negative reaction: "I know what you think about cigarettes and I'm very sorry. It happened and I feel like I let you down."
Step 3. Be honest
Talk to your parents frankly during the conversation. If they ask you questions, don't lie about when you started smoking and how often you do it. Explain the situation honestly so they understand what's going on.
- Go into the details. Explain when and how you started smoking and how often you do it. For example: "I started last spring, when I was very stressed. I bought a pack from the tobacconist on the corner; he didn't ask me for a document. Now, however, I've come to smoke half a pack a day and the situation is getting out of hand. ".
- Speak in a calm tone. Be concerned and look your parents in the eye. Try not to sound dismissive or argumentative.
Step 4. Listen to what they have to say
Your parents might support you, or be disappointed, angry, lecture you. You still have to listen to them even if you disagree. Show your respect for them.
- Let them have time to reflect and react to the news. Wait for them to make the next move and voice their opinion. Don't interrupt them.
- Your parents will have questions about your habit and you need to be willing to answer them truthfully.
- Try not to complain and not to argue. Even if your mom and dad are angry, don't get defensive and don't let the situation escalate. If you see them really angry, try to ease the tension by letting them know that the problem is urgent and that you really want their help.
Part 3 of 3: Asking for Help
Step 1. Stay calm
Don't get mad at your parents. They have your best interests at heart, even if they aren't happy to hear that you smoke. The most important thing is to get their help to quit.
- Admit your responsibilities. Remember that you made the initial decision to smoke, even if you can no longer control your habit.
- Your parents may forcefully point out to you that you made a bad decision. Instead of getting defensive, admit your faults: "True, it was a stupid choice. I never should have started."
Step 2. Get advice
Your parents have had many more experiences than you have. Do they currently smoke or have they stopped? Maybe they know what you are going through and can give you advice on how to stop. Don't be shy, ask for help.
- Make it clear that you want to be helped. You can say, "I know this is a very unhealthy habit. That's why I'm asking you to help me."
- If you know that one of your parents used to smoke, ask him direct questions about his personal experience. Try saying, "Dad, I know you quit smoking when I was little. How did you do that?"
- Confess that you cannot control the habit on your own and that you need support.
- Consider handing over your cigarettes as a sign of good faith. It is a gesture that makes your parents understand that you are putting yourself in their hands.
Step 3. Develop an action plan
Plan together with your parents what you will do to be able to quit smoking. Listen to their advice, accept their help, and do whatever it takes. They will want to participate and should gladly support you.
- Choose a day to start. Whether you decide to stop overnight or with the help of patches or other medications, set a specific day.
- Talk to your doctor. Accompanied by your parents or alone, talk to your doctor about your habit. He will be able to give you advice on how to quit, perhaps through the use of specific products, such as patches and nicotine gum or inhalers.
- Ask for solidarity. The most important help your parents can give you to quit smoking is to support you, encourage you and help you get up when you fall back into the habit. You need them by your side.
Step 4. Prepare for difficult times on the road to recovery
Quitting smoking is not easy. Follow your plan and never close the lines of communication with your parents. Tell them what you are going through and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
- You will likely feel irritable, anxious, and have trouble concentrating. These are the symptoms of withdrawal. It is a sign that you are addicted to nicotine and is a natural reaction of the body when you decide to quit. You may also have strong and sudden cravings to smoke.
- Limit activities that make you want to smoke. You may be tempted to light up a cigarette when you are feeling sad or stressed, when you are watching television, when your friends are smoking, or when you drink coffee. Try to watch less TV if it's one of your triggers and drink tea instead of coffee for the same reason.
- Make sure you are always hydrated and active. Physical activity can help keep cravings in check.
- If your parents smoke, consider asking them to go through the quitting plan with you. If not, they may still be willing to work out with you or listen to you when you're having a bad day.
- The first 7-10 days of abstinence are the most difficult. Don't feel discouraged when you fall back into the habit and keep trying.
