Faith is a very personal matter. Having religious beliefs that are different from those of those around you, especially your parents, who exert a significant influence on your life, could be difficult. Revealing that you are an atheist or believe in a religion they do not share is complicated and involves some risks, so you should proceed with caution. Here are some considerations.
Steps
Step 1. Try to understand the meaning of the term atheism
An atheist is simply someone who does not believe in one (or more) deities. This position is sometimes called weak atheism, or lack of faith in a certain god, without the claim that this does not exist. Some atheists go further and argue that there is no god. This position is known as strong atheism. Your parents may not know the difference between these two definitions, so be sure to clarify your position. For example, in common usage, some confuse weak atheism with agnosticism, although the latter has a different meaning.
Step 2. Learn to recognize agnosticism
While theism and atheism have to do with faith, agnosticism is based on knowledge. The agnostic is convinced that the existence of a god (or gods) is not demonstrable. Weak agnosticism holds that the existence or non-existence of divinity is unknown, but not unknowable. Strong agnosticism or positive agnosticism is the philosophical position according to which, for human beings, the existence or non-existence of divinities is not demonstrable. Agnosticism and atheism are not mutually exclusive. An agnostic atheist believes that it is impossible to have proof of the existence of a god and at the same time believes that there is no god. Similarly, agnosticism does not exclude theism. An agnostic theist, even if he believes in the existence of a god, considers it impossible to prove it rationally.
Step 3. Try to understand what the Coexist Foundation is
A member of the Coexist Foundation believes that, regardless of one's belief, it is possible to come together to study the Holy Scriptures, compare various interpretations and share one's points of view, without doing more Crusades! You should be able to talk about what you believe in, notice the differences and come out unscathed. Anyone can profess their faith. The Coexist Foundation is similar to a discussion group for religion. You enter, you discuss and probably there will be differences of opinion, but it is possible to get out of it smiling and shaking everyone's hand.
Step 4. Evaluate the consequences
If you grew up in a religious family, admitting your lack of faith can be difficult. "Agnostic", "atheist" or even adherence to the philosophy of the "Coexist Foundation" may seem like swear words if your parents know what it means. You can say these three words that make sense to you, but the result will still be that they will sit back and stare at you blankly. You could compare yourself with a friend who has similar beliefs and who has had an experience similar to yours, before defending your position. Many aspects of your family life may revolve around religious beliefs. Ask yourself to what extent you would be willing to forgo the parties that are an integral part of your life. If you want to continue following family traditions, be sure to point out to your parents that your beliefs will not interfere with normal family activities. If you don't know exactly how they might react, test the ground, addressing a topic that is not strictly related to religion, but which is affected by it, such as abortion, gay marriage or other similar issues. You could get an idea of how they would react to absolute atheism. If you think that declaring your atheism openly would put you in danger, don't tell him. Remember that you will have to live under their roof until you can go and live alone. In extreme cases it would be preferable to pretend until you are more independent.
Step 5. Talk to someone you trust
There are many groups of atheist people, even online. Some of these have experienced similar experiences to yours and may offer you some useful advice on how to proceed. They may also give you moral support when needed. At the very least, they will give you the opportunity to freely express your atheism. If you can't find a group of atheists, you can confide in a trusted friend not to be completely alone.
Step 6. Talk to your parents
If you feel ready to talk to your parents about it, do so when they are available to listen to you and there are no other distractions. Make it clear that you love them, that you appreciate what they have done for you, and that you do not intend to take them away from your life in any way. They may not understand your point of view, so try to respect their views and beliefs, being careful not to be offended immediately by their reaction. Make it clear that participating in worship rituals would be hypocritical of you and you prefer to avoid them. It might also be helpful to add that you still want to participate fully in family life.
Step 7. Try to be confident
Make it clear that you have come to your decision after thinking for a long time and that you have now passed the stage of the inner search. Let your parents know that you have valid reasons, but don't argue with them and don't raise your voice for any reason in the world. If you think you're not being heard, end the conversation respectfully. Give your parents time to process what you said. Remember that the purpose of the conversation is to communicate your decisions, not to argue. There will be many other occasions to start a debate after everyone has had time to reflect.
Advice
- If the conversation takes on a rather heated tone, forget it. Don't let the situation get out of hand. Wait until your parents have calmed down before continuing. If necessary, move away.
- Let them know that yours is not a revenge against them, but you still love and respect them.
- Make it clear that you have been thinking for a long time.
- Let them know that you have not changed and that you will continue to be a person of sound moral principles.
- While talking to your parents, look them in the eye.
- Speak calmly but try to be incisive.
- Start the conversation with positive comments.
- If your parents don't accept your decision, give them time to understand that you have the right to make your own decisions as an adult, but stick to your principles.
Warnings
- Even if your parents are reasonable enough, be prepared to be emotionally hurt. Phrases such as "I am disappointed" and "So you think that (name of the deceased friend / relative) is gone forever" are quite common. It may be more difficult for you than for them, if you approach the subject in this way. Don't get involved in such complicated speeches, unless they ask you to.
- Some fundamentalist believers might see the declaration of atheism as a pretext to remove their child. If so, make sure you are prepared to bear the consequences.
- In some cultures, parents believe they have the right to control their children's entire lives and can physically punish them. In others, the father holds the life and death power of his wife and children. Don't risk your life.
- Sometimes the best thing is to do nothing. If your parents are convinced that those who do not believe in God go to Hell, they will do everything to make you change your mind. They will also be obsessed for the rest of their lives with the thought that you cannot go to Heaven. Of course it might be difficult for you to hide your lack of faith, but it would be a hundred times harder for your parents to live in constant fear and for you to live with people who are continually trying to retrace your steps.
