People are naturally social creatures. It is normal to want to be comfortable with others, because from an evolutionary point of view, it is what has helped us survive over the years. If you've moved to a new school or find yourself just being out of context, don't be hard on yourself; making friends is a difficult task for people of all ages. Sometimes when you feel it is particularly difficult to fit in, remember these tips that will help you socialize.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Find out about a Group
Step 1. Find the group you want to connect with
It will most likely consist of "beautiful people", but think about the specific words that describe it. In this way you will be able to have a better image and organize the things you will need to do to integrate.
- Use this template: The best known guys are _. They say they are _. They are good at _ and love _ in their spare time. The sentence may appear as: "The best known boys are those who play soccer, while the girls play volleyball. They are said to be energetic, active, physically strong and attractive. They are good at sports and socializing with others. They love party in your free time ".
- An alternative could be: "The best known kids play an instrument and are good pupils. They are said to be studious, funny, charismatic and quiet. They are good at putting on shows, entertaining others and making people laugh. They love to watch. movies in your free time ".
- The most popular groups vary from school to school. Those who play sports are likely to be better known in your school, while in another school, environmental awareness may be the most popular. It is not enough to assume that all the best known people behave and show interest in the same things.
Step 2. Be aware of the social norms present in your school
The group you wish to join is probably interesting because it follows behaviors and interests that are not so popular with your peers.
- It can be a group of vegans and being "cool" in your school can mean not eating animals or products of animal origin.
- You will have to decide if the norms of the group you want to join are things you are truly willing to sacrifice or pursue. Maybe you enjoy eating meat and scrambled eggs so much to try to follow these principles.
Step 3. Observe the people in the group to find out what they value most
Look for the t-shirt and the instruments of their favorite band or the sports equipment they wear. Listen in secret and find out which topics they discuss the most.
- Watch out while you listen to conversations; it is better to do it discreetly, otherwise you risk being branded as a nosy.
- It will most likely not be necessary to follow every social norm to be accepted. For example, the group may be made up of vegans, but being a Justin Bieber fan might be the most important aspect of his identity.
Step 4. Do concrete things to show that you have similar principles
For example, if the group is good at school plays, buy a ticket for a show and say hello if you see them there.
- If the group loves reading Harry Potter, bring a Harry Potter book to school and read it in class. If they like to wear particular colors, try wearing those colors too. Similarity tends to be the first milestone for building a friendship.
- Imitation is very important when it comes to establishing sympathy. This does not mean becoming a robot or a clone, but showing others that you are not that different. It is actually something that many people do naturally, and others tend to act more favorably towards those who emulate them.
- Be honest in your actions and interactions. If, by doing something, you feel you are wrong with yourself, don't do it just to join a party. Remember that there are many things that people value, and a particular norm or interest may not be so fundamental to the group.
Step 5. Introduce yourself to the group by showing self-confidence
Now that you have a vague idea of the interests and characteristics that drive the group, try to make yourself accepted as a confident presence.
- Remember that having self-confidence doesn't mean being arrogant. Try not to be too strong or assertive when getting acquainted. It might be off-putting for more reserved individuals.
- On the other hand, try not to be too shy or shy when approaching outgoing and sociable people. In this case, introducing yourself in an enthusiastic and slightly noisy manner can be a trick.
- Instead of attempting to approach the whole group at once, try to capture one individual from the group instead. You could try saying: "Hi! My name is Marco. I think you and I have the same English teacher. You have Rossi, right? Perfect, I also really like Professor Bianchi's history lessons."
Step 6. Join a sports team
Spend time with group members outside of school hours and in more informal settings, where your personality can really leak.
- Try the volleyball team or join some student organization. Find an organized yet relaxing event where you can socialize and joke with your peers.
- To integrate it is not only necessary to show similar interests, but to bond with others. If you can, find an activity that requires team resolution and teamwork (sports are ideal). People tend to bond easily with others when they are united by a common goal.
Part 2 of 2: Socialize
Step 1. Tell jokes and smile a lot
Smiles are the universal sign of approval and tends to be contagious.
- Joking is very important in any social environment. Smiling and laughing is a universal trait in all people, regardless of their interests.
- It has been shown that humor not only makes you feel good, but also that it triggers positive feelings in others. People prefer those who make them feel good.
- Using self-irony is a great way to show others that you don't take yourself too seriously. Saying things like, "I'm so stupid. I tried to fix my hair this morning and I ended up looking like Cruella De Mon." Being able to laugh at yourself puts others at ease with themselves.
- Try to avoid humor that derides or discredits others, unless it happens in a jokey atmosphere. Joking with someone can be an experience that creates a certain bond as long as the focus is on humor and not on offense. Avoid games based on insulting peers that you are not familiar with, as it may turn out to be rude and offensive.
Step 2. Give sincere compliments to group members
By saying flattering things to people, you tend to like them more.
- Make sure your compliments are sincere. Giving self-righteous and haphazard compliments can actually be counterproductive and offend people.
- For example, instead of saying something generic like, "Hey Carla, your hair is so gorgeous" try, "Hey Carla, I love the softness and sheen of your hair. They don't have split ends!"
- Avoid overwhelming a person with compliments. It might seem insincere, as the other party may feel like you are flattering them for shallow reasons.
Step 3. Keep attention on group members
It's okay to talk about you once in a while, but more often than not people love when others make them feel the center of attention.
- It's different than embarrassing people in public. In front of others, do not randomly put the spotlight on someone in the group, as it could be embarrassing or offensive to the quieter people. On the contrary, it moves the discussion to the other person when you speak or interact exclusively with her.
- Making statements that stimulate mutual empathy is a good way to shift attention to others. Say things like "I understand how you feel" or "So you enjoyed last night's concert?" they are a good topic of conversation for the other to talk about himself.
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Spice up some personal information and opinions between one affirmation that stimulates empathy and the other. This will allow you to establish affinity and show the other person that you are actually listening to them.
Fit In Step 10
Step 4. Nod, repeat words and use other people's names frequently
These are all reassuring behaviors that make others feel comfortable in your presence.
- Nodding is another attitude that others tend to imitate. Studies have shown that nodding while you listen makes you more likely to agree with what is said. If you nod while talking to others, they are likely to nod back, sharing what you are saying.
- Repeat the words paraphrasing, not word for word. Paraphrasing what others have just said shows that you are actively listening to them, but repeating things word for word can make you sound like you are "mimicking," at the risk of insulting the other person.
- A person's name is at the heart of their identity, and hearing their name makes us feel approved as a person. As a result, others are more likely to like you when you call them by name.
Step 5. Express your disagreement politely, but don't tell others they are wrong
Often people have different views on some issues, but there are appropriate ways to convey their dissent. Saying someone is wrong is often pointless and can be deeply offensive.
- Instead of saying "Marco, you're wrong when you agree with the death penalty", ask "Why do you believe in the death penalty?". Listen to what he has to say, then try to understand his thinking. Ask "Why do you believe that? Why do you think it is right?". Find common ground for sharing and then use it as a starting point to explain your position. For example: "I too hate crimes and I think that the sentences must be guaranteed, but…".
- It is about acting on the well-known "Ransberger Pivot", and it works because it increases the chances of persuading others first and foremost by sharing common ground. Instead of disagreeing sharply, you can correct others without losing face.
Step 6. Stand out
Now that you have gained consent from your peers, define yourself in a unique way, but still in line with the identity of the group.
- Just because you want to integrate doesn't mean you can't excel. If you are the forward of a football team, wear the shirt with pride. People are attracted to those who are talented, but who are just as humble. Show your pride, but don't be arrogant.
- Diversity is as natural as the desire to integrate. Trying to please someone while ignoring another can most likely have negative consequences, so find a good balance for yourself. Embrace what makes you different, as well as what makes you similar to others.
Advice
- Decide on your type of attitude, which can be "cool", "friendly" or "funny".
- Keep your head up.
- Be yourself.
- Send e-mails and make phone calls to the guys in the group.
Warnings
- Do not be overbearing and do not put others in the shadows. It means don't copy, don't follow, and don't try to be tough. You shouldn't do this. And others don't like it when someone copies and follows them.
- If you're not yourself, you're going to make a big mess.
- Don't be fearful. The worst thing you can do is be afraid and not trust yourself.
- Do not enter into any relationship based on lies. Others will eventually find out what you were lying about and get angry with you.
- If you play tough, no one in the group will be your friend.
- Don't be shy between them.
- Do not try to impress them, they will discover you sooner or later and you risk that they will no longer want you as a friend.
- Don't try to always dress in fashion. Wear the clothes you feel comfortable in; if you don't like clothes, forget it!
- Don't be discouraged if you've done something embarrassing.
- If the guys in the group are arrogant, it will be much harder for you to become friends with them.
