We may not please everyone, but sometimes it is important to become pleasant for the sake of our social or professional life. And it is possible. Tune in to the jujitsu master in you and learn to be agreeable to everyone, or almost. Getting others to like you is not difficult: first of all, you just need to show some interest in their lives and interests.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Cultivate Pleasant Body Language
Step 1. Smile
The easiest way to please others is to smile genuinely. Everyone wants to surround themselves with funny and cheerful people, because this attitude is contagious: the presence of the right person is enough to feel good. Smiling is the first (and most obvious) indicator to show that you are a person to be around with pleasure. Smile and you will conquer everyone.
Remember: if you behave in a sunny way, you will probably feel happier too. Don't smile forcibly, others would notice, but you should know that sometimes pretending a smile can trick your own mind into clearing up in a bad moment
Step 2. Look others in the eye, but don't overdo it
This suggestion, in theory, should come naturally to you. Eye contact is one of the most immediate forms of communication to show someone you pay attention to them. When you are in front of the TV, you look at the screen, right? So when you talk to someone, shouldn't you do the same?
- Infrequent eye contact can be considered rude. What will you ever be looking at? What's distracting you? Do you look elsewhere because the conversation isn't interesting enough to keep your attention alive? If you have noticed that you have this problem, you must first be aware of it. Then, all you have to do is change.
- Overdoing eye contact can make others uncomfortable. Imagine being stared at insistently by a person who doesn't even blink. If you are aware that you have this problem and fear it will be annoying, make an effort to move from time to time. When you talk to someone, you probably gesticulate, eat something, or do another action at some point, naturally looking away. However, these movements must be almost instantaneous.
Step 3. Tilt your head towards your interlocutor
Because? The scientific explanation behind this move is evolutionary in nature: this movement exposes the carotid artery, telling the other person that you have no bad intentions. In the depths of the human mind, it allows you to understand that you are not a threat and that you can safely proceed with the exchange.
Tilting your head also prevents a go-there posture. It's a more accommodating and empathetic-looking position, and it tells your interlocutor that you are focused on him. Most definitely, everyone loves to be taken into consideration. So when you're not sure which position to take, tilt your head. It is truly a winning move
Step 4. Raise your eyebrows quickly
It's one of those non-verbal cues that many aren't aware of, so maybe you're already using it without knowing it. It's a popular gesture to show friendliness (and, again, that you're not a threat). Just lift your eyebrows quickly and slightly, just do it for a second. Generally, it is done when approaching a person, and can be noticed even from a distance.
Combine this movement with a smile and you have what it takes to be likeable and approachable. Either way, raise your eyebrows at the beginning of a conversation - you don't have to do it at random intervals, as happens when you bow your head
Step 5. Imitate the position of your interlocutor
If you find yourself in the same position as another person, you are more likely to follow a similar train of thought. You probably do it more often than you think when you are with other people. The good news is that you can use it to your advantage. We like people who look like us, and then this move is very simple to implement.
If while you talk to a person they take a similar position to yours, you will probably feel that you are on the same page, and therefore they can understand you and relate to you (which is your goal). Do this during a conversation, but don't draw attention to this move - if it's downright blatant, it will seem forced and unnatural
Step 6. Don't assert your domain
You've probably read about shrugging your shoulders, pulling your chin up, and always having a firm handshake. While they are certainly great ideas to better relate to people and make sense, in some situations it is not the case to be too sure of yourself. Sure, they are indicators of your self-esteem and should be kept intact, but also add signs to clearly show that you respect the other person and are on equal footing.
Whoever you meet, showing a little respect won't hurt. When you find yourself in front of someone and are about to shake their hand, take a step back and lean slightly (nodding a bow). Tilt your head, try to have open body language (i.e., don't always cross your arms and legs) and lean to one side. Showing that you are relaxed and interested in your interlocutor will let him know that you appreciate him, regardless of the conversation
Method 2 of 3: Pleasing a Person
Step 1. Ask your interlocutor to talk about himself
Show him interest. The best conversations are those in which one person is genuinely interested in what the other has to say. If while you are in the middle of a dialogue you realize that you are constantly praising your praises, stop immediately. Ask the person in front of you for an opinion. The conversations are bilateral, they are not monologues.
Always better to think seriously what you say. People understand this right away when they have a fake person in front of them. Unwillingly showing your interest to people you don't really care about just to gain popularity doesn't work in the long run. So become the kind of person who has a real interest in others. If a certain topic is particularly difficult for you to follow, take the conversation in a different direction
Step 2. Ask for a favor
If you are not familiar with this technique, known as the "Benjamin Franklin Effect", it may seem rather odd at first glance. Basically, you ask someone for a favor, this person does it for you, you thank them, and you end up liking them more than before. Intuitively, it is the person who receives the favor who increases their esteem for those who helped them, but in reality this is not the case. So, as soon as you feel the need to borrow something, don't hesitate to ask.
The idea behind this technique? Everyone likes to feel useful, and everyone prefers someone to owe them, not the other way around. Thanks to you, this person begins to feel that he has a certain power and a certain purpose, so he will appreciate you more. Don't do it all the time, though: if you do nothing but ask for favors, you become inappropriate
Step 3. Try to find out what the other person is interested in
If you know his hobbies and passions, feel free to ask. Usually, these arguments make her talk nonstop, and you won't be the center of attention. He'll keep telling you about what he loves, and he'll get the feeling that your conversation is great, when in reality you're just nodding because you can't even say a word by accident. And if you then remember an anecdote that she mentioned in between, she will be doubly affected.
Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way to use his name. People really love hearing that. To paraphrase Dale Carnegie, for people it is the sweetest sound there is. It makes them feel recognized, and consequently reassured and serene. If you can put your interlocutor's name in between sentences, do it
Step 4. Show empathy
Nothing more direct and logical, right? However, curiously, as much as humans know about it (some more, some less), it's much easier to avoid it. We are so caught up in ourselves and our lives that we are waiting to step in during a conversation. To improve your pleasantness, shift the spotlight on your interlocutor. Focus on learning to understand it.
Just repeat what he said to achieve this. Let's assume someone is telling you about a recent problem they have. Your automatic response is: "I understand how you feel." That's a pretty harmless and empathetic phrase, isn't it? Not really. In reality, what you have done is shift the focus of attention to yourself and your life. And, as if that weren't enough, the other person will probably think, "No, you don't understand me." Instead, opt for a less stereotypical (and therefore more meaningful, if ultimately self-centered) intervention, such as "Ah, and so you feel like this, like this and like that." By simply repeating what he said, you give him the impression that you have been listening carefully, and you will actually make him feel better
Step 5. Compliment people
This step will also seem pretty obvious. Unfortunately, congratulating people is sometimes weird (many don't know how to accept compliments!), And it can give the impression that you have double ends (like taking someone to bed). For starters, take the spotlight away from yourself. Everyone loves getting compliments. Well, at least, the ones heard and done at the right time.
- Make sure the compliment has a purpose and is appropriate. If a person has clearly had a bad night and their skin has dirt from a sordid public bathroom, don't tell them they're fine. Compliments must be honest in order to be appreciated and taken seriously.
- Telling a guy you like his tie is fine, but what should he answer you? "Thanks, children made it in a distant factory and I have nothing to do with child exploitation"? Sure, he probably won't tell you anything like that, but we got it. Instead, congratulate him on the awesome PowerPoint presentation, his sense of humor, something that matters to him and has actually worked on. He will appreciate your recognition.
Step 6. React well in awkward situations
When we turn five or six, we begin to realize that society is watching us around the clock, and certain behaviors are considered wrong and put under scrutiny. Since humans can't stand criticism, they avoid it like the plague. Unfortunately, these awkward moments happen to us all, so when we see it happening to someone else, we feel their discomfort. And we appreciate more that person who is in such a situation.
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For example, when you see a person with their pants down, you both have a very specific automatic reaction. This guy probably laughs (hopefully), blushes a little, maybe makes a joke, shakes his head, teases, and tries to carry on with a modicum of dignity. What did he do? He proved he was human. He was "accused" of something and recognized it with his behavior. That's a nice answer. He is a real person.
We assume that the same situation is repeated (poor man), but this time his expression is imperturbable. He pulls up his pants, nods abruptly and walks away. Without even a smile. His behavior shows that he has not accepted his embarrassment, and consequently it is impossible to relate to this person, to empathize with him or to find him nice. It is absolutely not pleasant
Step 7. Tap your interlocutor
Basically, you need to touch the people you want to feel a connection with. Of course, each relationship is unique, so there are different types of valid physical contacts. In general, however, it is useful for establishing a bond. Just do it lightly too.
Imagine that you abruptly greet a person by saying “Hi” to them and walking past them. The greeting was instant, as if I didn't have time to dedicate to her. Now, imagine the same scene: you pass her quickly and greet her, only this time you gently touch her shoulder. You see? It doesn't take much to establish physical contact. You'll hit her and she'll take a liking to you
Step 8. Make others feel good
What does it ever mean? The main topic of this article is actually learning how to make people feel good. And it's the way you do it that can change. Each person is a world unto itself, but we all share certain characteristics. We all want attention, to be happy, to feel appreciated and useful. When someone gives us these things, we appreciate it.
Better to use a series of tactics to do this. It's not enough to congratulate, ask for favors or smile. You have to use all these strategies. Keeping the spotlight on your interlocutor, prepare for action: ask him questions (to show him attention), congratulate him (to raise his self-esteem), ask him for advice (to make him feel wise and useful) and show empathy (to make him understand that someone takes care of him). When a person is comfortable with themselves, they will be comfortable with you too
Method 3 of 3: Pleasure in the World
Step 1. Hang out with people who improve your image
Unfortunately, all humans are looking for quick clues to rush into judgments about the people they meet. No, this is not fair at all, yet we all do it, because it is easy and relatively harmless. We look at a situation for a moment and automatically evaluate it for what appears on the surface. If we don't like something, we demolish it. So when you are judged, you need to know that this evaluation is not based only on you, but also on your surroundings.
In other words, you are also judged for the people around you. If your friends obviously fall into a certain category, and you don't, you risk being considered the same, regardless of everything. This is especially true on Facebook: the more attractive your friends are, the more attractive you are. It sounds absurd, but it's the truth
Step 2. Dress to impress
Do you know that saying that goes “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have?”. Based on this. Dress according to the image you want to convey to others, not according to how you feel or who you are. People are easily fooled by the clothing of others. In short, in this case we can say that “The dress makes the monk”. In short, you will have understood what we are trying to tell you.
According to a recent study, wearing branded clothes and accessories tends to raise a person's perceived status. The quality of these pieces does not matter: the participants only had to wear big brands to convince others of their high social status, and therefore of their agreeableness. It is another sign that humans jump to conclusions when faced with a person. It's not foolproof (or the right thing to do), but it's easy
Step 3. Do something to be remembered
With this tip, we can't go into too much detail, because everything you do has to fit your personality. Generally speaking, you should have a feature that makes you enjoyable. They will remember you, you will have a concrete identity (or, at least, they will see it that way) and they will be able to get an idea about you. "Hey! That's the guy who has a parrot! Too nice! ". Something like that.
If you've ever worked in the restaurant business, you probably have an anecdote connected to this phenomenon. Think of that customer who always tells you a funny or interesting story while you serve him food. After going to the restaurant a couple of times, the waiters compete for his table. Because? It has something special. It is easy to remember and to distinguish, it is unique. It is pleasant
Step 4. Try to be predictable
As you may have guessed, people don't like to surround themselves with loose mines. When they don't know what to expect, they start to feel awkward and tense. Try to have a relaxed, calm and sunny attitude, even when something is not going your way. People you don't know well could easily lose interest in the face of nervousness, neurosis, and unmotivated self-doubt.
We are not telling you that you have to hide your emotions. Absolutely not. You have to be honest. If something is bothering you, go ahead and prove it. Don't people like it? It will be their problem. But before you start being an open book, choose your battles. Is it worth it to express certain emotions? If so, do it. If not, reevaluate your reaction to this situation
Step 5. Know your “audience”
Every age group, social group or type of person is looking for certain characteristics in a friend or partner. The more years go by, the less you want your circle of acquaintances to be restless and melodramatic. Because of this, each individual gets along better with certain types of people. Try to figure out who you are in front of and what they want.
The experiences that are lived in middle and high school are different from those of the adult world. What we are about to say must be taken with a grain of salt, but often at these ages, obnoxious and selfish people are appreciated slightly more. A recent study showed that a teenager's popularity increases when they act vaguely as a bully. This is because, at that age, other kids think bullying is a good thing. In fact, they don't know how things really work. In short, if you are an adult, you will hardly be able to relate to teenagers, and vice versa
Step 6. Try to have good personal hygiene habits
Nobody wants to be around unpleasant people, and bad smells can make your presence unpleasant. So, shower or bathe regularly, shampoo, shave when needed, brush your teeth, floss, comb your hair, chew cool mints or gum, trim and clean your nails, use deodorant, change your clothes, wash your hands, etc. In short, all feasible things!
Consider it an investment in yourself. The time you spend on your exterior (and feeling good!) Grants you benefits in the future. Not only is it good for attracting more people, it's also good for your health
Step 7. Love yourself
Long story short, if you don't like yourself, who else will you like? That negativity you harbor will leak out of your daily actions, and people will see it. And then why not love you? You are fantastic, at least as great as the people around you.
Don't try to be different - if you do, it will be obvious. You need to know who you are, and adapt these tips to your personality. Avoiding homologation pays off in the long run. Any changes that you unwittingly undergo will actually erode over time, so it's best to be yourself from the start
Step 8. Make use of your humor
You probably have one, so use it! If you can make a person laugh, you are well on your way. Just try to make adequate jokes in every single context. The aim is not to offend people, but to make them smile.
If you don't think you're nice, don't worry, don't go out of your way to look nice. You probably have your own sense of humor. Maybe you are sarcastic, maybe you have extravagant humor or incredibly intelligent: all of these characteristics of yours can be reworked in a comic way. Use what you have and show it to your advantage. It can give you ideas for laughing
Advice
- Never speak ill of someone, friend or foe. Sooner or later the rumors will reach them, you will end up being considered fake, and people will avoid you as much as possible because they will not want to be stabbed in the back. You may lose a friend, and foreclose the opportunity to find others in the future. Also, you will attract like-minded people to you. Remember that if you hang out with unfaithful people, you will be burned by them.
- Spend quality time with your friends, but also try to make new friends, otherwise you risk isolating yourself.
- Honesty is important. If you lie to someone once, they won't believe you in the future when you tell them something.
- Never give the impression that you are trying to please others. It might push someone away. Also, as we said before, always stick to one fundamental principle: don't pretend.
- Be gentle. Courtesy allows you to always make a good impression.
- Don't hang out with the wrong people. Always be in the company of sunny people who appreciate you.
- You may be disliked by someone, but that doesn't mean everyone sees you the same way. Don't obsess about it if this happens, and try these tactics with other people.
- Try to be naturally nice in the company of your friends, and they will like you more.
- Don't discuss controversial topics, such as religion, politics, or abortion, unless you know someone very well.
Warnings
- Don't try to buy someone's friendship by filling them with gifts. It would make him uncomfortable and make him feel obliged to reciprocate. Also, the friends you should surround yourself with are certainly not the ones who base the relationship on what you can offer from a material point of view.
- Don't pretend you like something if you don't. Usually, this is not good for a relationship.
- Don't gossip or participate in group discussions that focus on particularly malicious gossip. Get away from it. Be superior!
- When you look someone in the eye, make sure you do it in a friendly manner, as if you are listening intently. Avoid staring like you're a sniper about to shoot.
- Don't expect too much from others. Consider the different reactions people might have.
