In modern society, sexuality is heavily emphasized on TV, radio, the internet, books, magazines and the media in general. Also for this reason, practicing abstinence is not easy. By staying focused, communicating with your partner, and finding healthy ways to address your sexual needs, you will be able to practice abstinence successfully.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Staying Focused
Step 1. Remember why you chose abstinence
It is difficult to practice abstinence in a world driven by sex. If you start to doubt your decision, try to remember why you chose this path. This way, you will strengthen your belief.
- People choose abstinence for various reasons. Some for their religious beliefs, others simply because they do not feel ready for the complications of sexual intercourse. Some people have engaged in sexual activities in the past and, for a particular reason, have decided to abstain for a while. Whatever your reason for making this decision, others should respect it, if that's what you really want.
- In some cases, it may be helpful to write down your thoughts. Periodically jotting down your reasons for choosing abstinence in a journal can help you remember that you made the right decision.
Step 2. Think about the benefits of abstinence
When you feel weak or pressured, remember all the benefits of your choice. This can help you find confidence in your decision.
- When it comes to physical health, abstinence offers many benefits. It is the only 100% safe way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. For mental health, abstinence eliminates the anxiety and depression that can result from having sex too prematurely or with the wrong person.
- Additionally, abstinence can strengthen the emotional side of a romantic relationship. When you are not focused on the physical side of a relationship, in some cases you will be able to have deeper conversations. You may be able to get to know your partner better if you wait for the pleasure moment for sexual intercourse.
- Additionally, many people find that by stopping to think about sex, they are better able to focus on their career, school, or other projects.
Step 3. Don't collapse during provocative situations
Unfortunately, in modern society it is impossible to completely avoid sex. On television and in the cinema, many films and programs contain elements of a sexual nature. If you hang out with a person, it will happen from time to time that things between you get very intense. During these sexually charged moments, remember not to give in.
- You have the right to walk away when the situation becomes too difficult. If a TV show has strong sexual content, change the channel. If you're kissing your girlfriend and feel tempted to go further, take a break.
- If you feel tempted by the idea of having sex, it may help to ask yourself a few questions. What would happen if you had sex with this person? Would I feel happy and proud of myself? Is it really worth breaking my commitment to abstinence? Am I really ready to have sex? Is this person putting pressure on me?
Step 4. Seek help
It can be helpful to talk to like-minded people to help you stay focused. To make your life easier, seek the help of other abstinence practitioners.
- If you practice abstinence for religious reasons, many churches organize weekly meetings or seminars to discuss the benefits of abstinence. Try attending some of these meetings and swapping phone numbers with some people you've met. You will be able to participate in activities that can help you not think about sex even outside your religious community.
- There are many forums on the internet where you can discuss abstinence. If you are afraid to discuss your decision in person, you can find help online. In addition, you will find very useful resources if you do not practice abstinence for religious reasons.
Part 2 of 3: Confronting Your Partner
Step 1. Be honest about your decision and the limitations you have imposed on yourself
If you are in a romantic relationship, you need to make it clear what your limitations are. Talk to your partner about the reasons why you have chosen to practice abstinence, clearly explaining what your expectations are and the things you are unwilling to do.
- It is important to be very direct. Many people do not understand why someone wants to practice abstinence and how they manage to keep their sexual instincts in check. Explain to your partner why abstinence is important to you, what reasons you have for practicing it, and how it affects your romantic relationships.
- There are various levels of abstinence. Some people don't want to have any physical contact, including kissing and stroking. Others admit kissing and other types of light physical contact, but no activity that leads to orgasm. Finally, some follow an "anything but sex" approach and only refrain from activities involving genital contact or penetration. Tell your partner what your limitations are and what you don't think is acceptable.
- Your partner may not understand how to help you, so tell her what you like to do instead of sex. Organize fun outings that limit sexual temptations. For example, you could go hiking or volunteering together and attending events with friends and family to help you avoid temptation and stick to your limits.
Step 2. Find other ways to be intimate
There are non-sexual ways to experience intimacy with your partner. The following activities are fun examples, which allow you to create intimate moments with your partner, without leading to sexual intercourse:
- You may find it helpful to find time to talk. Without the pressure of having to spend time together having sex, you can stay up late telling each other stories and discussing your opinions on many different topics.
- Physical contact can help you find intimacy. Cuddling, holding hands, kissing, and generally being physically tied up can create intimacy between you even without sexual intercourse.
Step 3. Recognize when people disrespect you
In some cases, abstinence is viewed poorly. If your partner is disrespectful, it's not worth your time and you shouldn't waste energy being with her. Know the signs of this problem.
- Nobody should ever pressure you to have sex. If your partner tells you something like "If you loved me, you would sleep with me" or "If we don't have sex, people will start to believe that there is something wrong with you," it is putting pressure on you. Even if she doesn't share your view on withdrawal, she should accept the limitations you explained to her early in your relationship, without judging you.
- If you find yourself in a situation where you are constantly being pressured, especially in a way that makes you feel judged, it is best to end the relationship. You shouldn't be with a person who doesn't respect your values.
Part 3 of 3: Addressing Your Sexual Needs
Step 1. Masturbate
Masturbation is a simple method of satisfying one's sexual desires without having intercourse with another person. Regular masturbation is a healthy activity that can help you continue abstinence.
- Masturbation can have positive effects on physical and mental health. Those who masturbate regularly have a tendency to feel more comfortable with their body and often suffer from less stress. Furthermore, you will learn to understand how your body works. This will make it easier for you to spot any abnormalities in your genitals.
- People can masturbate with their hands alone, by massaging, touching, or otherwise stroking their genitals. There is no wrong way to do this. Just repeat the actions that give you the most pleasure. You can also use toys, such as dildos, to make the experience more enjoyable. You can buy them on the internet or in sex shops.
- Sexual fantasies can make the masturbation experience more enjoyable. You can watch pornographic videos or read erotic books to set the right mood.
Step 2. Channel your sexual energies into other activities
Many people manage to keep their sexual needs in check by channeling their energies into other activities. You can try:
- Dance;
- Exercise
- Shopping;
- Cooked;
- Play video games;
- Do other activities you enjoy.
Step 3. Engage in sensual, but not sexual, activities
You and your partner can explore sexuality without ending up in sexual intercourse. However, it can be very difficult to stay in control after taking off your clothes. If you are able to avoid giving in to your sexual instincts, it may be helpful to try one of the following activities:
- Deep and passionate kisses;
- Snuggles;
- Shower together;
- Simultaneous masturbation.
Advice
- Withdrawal rings or bracelets can serve as a reminder throughout the day and help you stay focused on your goal.
- Communication is important in a romantic relationship. Make it clear to your partner what your sexual desires are and how they change over time.
- Don't feel embarrassed, try to be sure of yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to practice abstinence and you don't owe anyone an excuse.
