Giving critical feedback to change someone's behavior is a delicate process. It is very important that you perform this task with sensitivity to your interlocutor's feelings to avoid the common problem of a defensive reaction.
If the feedback is given correctly, however, the recipient will take it positively and the good results will occur naturally. A very effective way of giving feedback is to do the "feedback sandwich" that is to put your critical feedback in the midst of other positive feedback, just like in a sandwich. The following steps explain an effective way to give feedback at work, with friends, parents or children. A similar technique is called "Compliment Sandwich". The Feedback Sandwich is most commonly used for coaching and encouragement, while the Compliment Sandwich is more aimed at mitigating or masking necessary criticism.
Steps
You did an excellent job with your 'Treat People Right' relationship, everyone was impressed! In the future it would be better to leave out the names of people who have not accepted all the methods you have explained. It's great that you put so much effort into it and many people will benefit from your work.
Step 1. Preparation:
don't create the situation without preparing and planning. A good plan is the tool to be successful in this task. Without this, it's easy to get off track and you can lose control of the conversation. Prepare your speech: both the content and how you will say it.
Step 2. Compliments - Identify the positives:
find something meaningful that the person has done. This must be related to the type of feedback you will be giving, and it must be fairly recent. If, for example, all white clothes came out pink from the washing machine because they were washed together with a red shirt, one way to start the conversation might be: "I really appreciate your help in washing the laundry!".
Step 3. Feedback - Present the facts:
now your interlocutor is attentive and has a receptive mood. Pause briefly to acknowledge the positive feelings created by your compliment, then move on directly to the feedback. Avoid using the words "but" and "but next time" as this creates the defensive atmosphere you are trying to avoid. Be direct and firm, but never angry or disrespectful. Communication is a science and if you want to have positive results, you have to be very… scientific. "I want to work with you on selecting clothes so that we don't have pink socks again."
Step 4. Encourage - Have a Positive Perspective:
when you give feedback, you will inevitably create a psychological discomfort in your interlocutor. Don't let this remain; it must be deleted quickly, but correctly. It shows the positive results that could be generated by a future commitment. The bottom line is that there was a good basis to start with (the initial compliment), there are ways to improve it (tally), and these two together will produce even better results. "It's great to get help and everyone will have a lot more free time after dinner!"
Step 5. Follow Up:
don't wait until the next problem to monitor for behavioral change; monitor change and continue to promote it. The goal is to anchor the positive nature of the change in the person's mind. If you leave it alone, your feedback may be forgotten. Without consistent reinforcement, a process called "extinction" takes effect: the desired behavioral change will not happen.
Advice
- Honesty is very important to give effective feedback. Avoid compliments if the positives are hard to find.
- However… Coaching is not the solution for every situation. The management model of the 1980s has been superseded by a model that is more suited to people, their experiences and existing problems. Sometimes, giving feedback is the right solution, other times a symbolic slap is necessary, and still other times an immediate dismissal is due. Don't use the word coaching as a trendy term because that word has a specific meaning. An example on wikiHow would be a poorly formatted article whose author needs feedback. Repeated 'sabotage' after several warnings could result in expulsion.
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Give feedback on a regular basis:
if you make this a habit, you will do it better and better and the people you give feedback to will be less and less concerned about receiving it. Don't become obsessive about giving feedback, otherwise it will lose effect and credibility.
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Practice:
it is a good idea before giving feedback to practice in front of the mirror, or rather, in front of another person to make your speech run smoothly.
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Be positive:
if you have a positive attitude, the feedback will have good results. Likewise, negative behavior on your part will render your feedback useless.
- Always be aware of how your feedback is being received. This will allow its necessary modifications.
Warnings
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Don't use this technique over and over for the same problem:
when discussing a serious problem or problem you have already faced with the person concerned, this technique is not effective and a more direct approach is required.
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Don't have a paternalistic attitude:
you are trying to change a person's behavior. Don't have an overtly superior attitude; do not be indignant; don't be presumptuous… this will certainly damage the communicative effort.
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Don't just give positive feedback during this process:
if you only compliment during the "sandwich" sessions, your interlocutor will not understand what he went wrong.
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Give sincere and relevant compliments:
your interlocutors will notice if you are treating them sufficiently, your intent will be obvious, and the technique has a lower chance of success.
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Avoid accusations:
what you are doing is pointing out something that needs to be changed. How you got to the problem is not important. What is important is where you are now and how you will achieve the result. Generally speaking, the conversation needs to be positive. Sure, there will be a negative part, but the two positives will outweigh them. Leave your interlocutor with a positive attitude and you will have the result you were hoping for.
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Be authentic:
a lot has been said about being consistent. Keep in mind that when you change the way you express criticism, your attitude may be new in the eyes of your interlocutors. Be real and try to pursue your behavior change. Remember: it changes Beliefs not just Behavior and in doing so the behavior will be more consistent.
