Helping a loved one overcome depression can be quite difficult. If this person is your boyfriend, you will feel distressed. Your boyfriend may get angry or attack you very often or even try to get away from you completely. You may feel neglected or hold yourself responsible for her depression. Learn how to help your boyfriend get through this tough time, while also taking the time to take care of yourself.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Speak Frankly
Step 1. Learn to recognize its symptoms
The ways in which men manifest depression are slightly different from those of women. If you notice most of the following symptoms, or all of them, your boyfriend is probably depressed.
- He is tired most of the time.
- He no longer has any interest in what he used to like.
- He becomes irritable or gets angry easily.
- He can't concentrate.
- He is anxious.
- Eat too much or don't eat at all.
- You experience various pains or digestive problems.
- Cannot sleep or sleep for too long.
- He is unable to take on his responsibilities at school, at work or at home.
- He is assaulted by suicidal thoughts.
Step 2. Share your concerns
Your boyfriend probably doesn't realize he's in a black mood lately, but after watching him for weeks, you're sure he's struggling with depression. Confront him without controversy and ask him to be able to talk to him.
- Some ways to start a quiet conversation include: "I've been worried about you for a few weeks" or "I've noticed some changes in your behavior lately and would like to talk to you about them."
- If there is tension between you, avoid blaming him for his depression. It may seem that you are accusing him and this would cause him to withdraw into himself.
Step 3. To avoid putting all the responsibilities on him, use first-person affirmations
It is natural for men with depression to become argumentative or lose their temper. He is likely to react this way regardless of your attitude. However, if you deal with him lovingly, without judging him, he may be willing to listen to you.
- If you are not careful about the words you use, he may have the impression that you are accusing or judging him. A statement like "You've been really bossy and irritable lately" would put him on the defensive.
- Use a first-person affirmation that focuses on your feelings, such as "I'm worried you may be depressed, because you're not sleeping at all. You also avoid your friends. I would like us to find a solution that will allow you to feel better”.
Step 4. Listen to him and accept his emotions
If your boyfriend decides to confide in you what he is going through, know that his decision requires a good deal of courage. Make an effort to help him confide by letting him know that he has nothing to fear in sharing his emotions with you. If he talks to you, listen carefully, making sure you nod or respond reassuringly. Then summarize what he said and repeat it to show him that you were listening.
For example, you might say, “You seem to be very upset and can't get out of this situation. Thanks for sharing your emotions. I am sorry that you are going through a bad time, but I will do everything in my power to help you”
Step 5. Ask him questions related to his personal safety
If you are struggling with depression, you may be thinking about harming yourself. Even if he does not have thoughts of suicide, he may engage in risky behaviors, such as driving recklessly or abusing drugs or alcohol to relieve his suffering. Try to express your concerns about their safety and well-being. You could ask him the following questions:
- Are you thinking of hurting yourself?
- Have you ever thought about killing yourself in the past?
- What do you have in mind to end your life?
- What means do you have at your disposal to harm yourself?
Step 6. Offer immediate assistance to your boyfriend if he shows suicidal tendencies
If his answers denote a clear intent to end his existence (with a detailed plan and the means to carry it out) you need to seek help immediately. Contact the Friendly Phone number 199284284.
- You could also call 911 if you think your boyfriend is making an attempt on his life.
- Ask someone to hide any object that can be used as a weapon and make sure it never stays alone.
Step 7. Tell him that you are willing to help him
A depressed person may not be able to ask for help, even though they need it badly. Give your boyfriend a hand by asking him how you can offer him support, how you can help him relieve his stress, and if you can run errands or drive him somewhere.
Don't forget that he may have no idea what you can do to help him. That said, ask him something like "How can I help you right now?" it would allow him to tell you what help he might need
Step 8. Help him find adequate treatment to cure his depression
After your boyfriend realizes that he is depressed, you will need to encourage him to get help. Depression is a treatable disorder similar to many other conditions. An ad hoc therapeutic intervention could contribute to the improvement of his mood and his activity in general. Offer to help him find a psychologist or psychiatrist and, if he wants, accompany him to doctor's appointments.
Part 2 of 3: Facilitating Your Boyfriend's Recovery
Step 1. Suggest a sporting activity to practice together
In addition to drugs or psychotherapy, physical exercise also brings significant benefits to the mental health of depressed people. Physical activity stimulates the production of hormones that regulate mood, that is, endorphins, therefore it could allow your boyfriend both to find the right balance and to distract himself from the negative thoughts and emotions that feed his bad mood.
Consider activities you can do together that benefit both of you. Your proposals could include a fitness class, a home workout program, a run in the park, or a team sport
Step 2. Make sure you are consuming healthy foods
Some scholars believe there is a link between nutrition and depression. This does not mean that your boyfriend's habit of eating junk food late in the evening is the main cause of his depressed mood, but it does imply that maintaining this unhealthy habit could prevent mood rebalancing.
Help your boyfriend stock up on foods that benefit the heart and brain, such as fruits, vegetables, fish, and limited amounts of meat and dairy. People who follow a Mediterranean diet show a lower incidence of depressive symptoms
Step 3. Help him discover effective ways to manage stress
You can help him reduce tension in his daily life by introducing him to techniques for dealing with stress or controlling anxiety. First ask him to write down anything that causes him stress or anxiety. Then work together to identify ways to reduce or eliminate stressors. Finally, create a list of strategies to be adopted in his daily life to relax and keep nervous tension at bay.
Activities that could help him manage stress include breathing deeply, taking long walks in the woods, listening to music, meditating, journaling, watching funny movies or videos
Step 4. Suggest that he keep a mood diary
Making a chart of his emotional state can help your boyfriend fathom his emotions and become more aware of how he is feeling from day to day. People suffering from depression can record their eating and sleep habits to identify behavioral patterns that cause negative moods. Your boyfriend can also write down his thought patterns and emotions daily to recognize mood swings.
Step 5. Help him relate to others
Both men and women who have to deal with depression tend to isolate themselves socially. Social relationships can help depressed people reduce the sense of isolation and fight depression. Suggest activities that you and your boyfriend can do with other people so that he can make new friends, or talk to his old friends and ask them to invite him out.
Step 6. Avoid making concessions to your boyfriend
It is true that he will have to recover on his own time and in his own way, but you probably fear that your behavior will allow him to become trapped in the vicious circle of depression. If you are putting all your energy into recovering your boyfriend to the point where he is unable to muster the strength to act alone, then you should step aside.
Try to offer your support instead of being condescending. Encourage your boyfriend to practice physical activity, to participate in social activities, to be outdoors, without using hard manners or neglecting him. Your boyfriend wants you to show empathy and love, not to take responsibility for his recovery in his place
Part 3 of 3: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Don't feel guilty about your boyfriend's depression
Remember that depression is a complex disorder and that you are unable to control your boyfriend's emotions. It is natural that you feel helpless and sad seeing him suffer. However, you shouldn't think that what happens is due to your shortcomings or not being a good girlfriend.
- Try not to change your habits by making sure you fulfill your homework at work, school, and home.
- It also sets strict limits on what you can and cannot do for him. You may feel guilty, but know that his recovery is not up to you. Trying to overdo it could put your health and well-being at risk.
Step 2. Realize that you cannot "heal" your boyfriend, but you can offer him your support
Regardless of how much you love and care about him, you cannot help him alone. If you set yourself the goal of being able to "heal" him, you will only face failure and you could even irritate your boyfriend, treating him as if it were a project to be completed.
Your job is simply to be there to offer your assistance and support when needed. Your fiancé will have to overcome depression according to his timing
Step 3. Find a support network
Your boyfriend's depression is such a tough battle to fight that he may not have enough energy to invest in the relationship. By offering your help during this time, you risk putting your emotions aside. It is difficult for both of you and you also need psychological support. Attend a self-help group, go out regularly with friends who can offer you moral support, or talk to a therapist if you feel the need.
Step 4. Dedicate yourself
It is easy to fall into the mistake of dedicating so much time to your boyfriend that you forget to take care of yourself. Try not to neglect fun activities, such as reading, spending time with your friends, or taking a hot bath.
Don't feel guilty if you take time out for yourself. Remember that you will not help him if you neglect yourself
Advice
- Show him that you are strong and independent enough to be able to do without him. If he is concerned about how you can manage without his help, it will be harder for him to be honest with you and focus on himself.
- Be patient. Hopefully, your boyfriend will recover soon enough and perhaps your relationship could become stronger, thanks to the increased emotional closeness and renewed trust. He'll probably love you even more for being around him.
Warnings
- In some cases, your boyfriend may falsely accuse you or be wary of you. Don't take it personally. Wait for his mood to improve and then address the topic. Tell him that his accusations hurt you (use first-person affirmations) and that you would prefer to avoid such attitudes in the future. The same goes for his brusque ways when he's particularly depressed.
- If he asks you to leave him alone for a while, respect his need for space. However, have friends and family watch it if you fear it may be a danger to itself.
- Worry if depressive episodes are very frequent or habitual, or if depression starts to be an integral part of your boyfriend's temperament. You may need medical attention. It may even be completely up to you and that's not good. If the depression worsens (suicidal thoughts, etc.), the time has come to ask for the intervention of competent people.
