If your boyfriend asks you for some space, you will likely feel hurt, confused, or angry (or all three emotions). You might consider his request as a sign of an impending breakup, but that's not necessarily the case. In fact, thanks to her vulnerability and willingness to open up, you will have the opportunity to make your relationship even stronger. Whether you decide to give him a little more space every day or a longer break, the key to improving your relationship is to communicate clearly and honestly.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Communicate Clearly
Step 1. Talk about what she is feeling when you are both calm
It's normal for you to feel jittery or on edge if your boyfriend tells you he wants more space. If at the moment you feel like you can't speak clearly about it, ask him if you can discuss it later. Walk for a few minutes and breathe to calm down.
Tell him, "Now I don't feel able to deal with this without getting angry. Give me a few hours to calm down and let's talk about it."
Step 2. Listen to his reasoning
Maybe, unlike your boyfriend, you won't think your relationship needs a break, but you need to accept his mood and try to put yourself in his shoes. Try to understand his point of view, even if you will be forced to consider some shortcomings on your part.
- For example, he may tell you that he wants to spend more time on his passions, but that he feels guilty when he prefers to stay away from you. It is difficult to hear these words, but keep calm and try to understand what you are feeling. Don't interrupt it. Wait until she has finished speaking before expressing your thoughts.
- Stay calm and don't get defensive. The feelings of both are legitimate. Give him a chance to explain his state of mind before trying to argue.
- Remember that if he feels comfortable enough to make such a request, he probably trusts you.
Step 3. Discuss the spaces he needs
Give him a chance to explain how he feels and what kind of space he needs, without judging him or getting nervous. Since you love him, you have to respect and try to understand his position.
- It is likely that he needs more time for himself. Maybe he wants to be with his friends once a week to play video games or not have the anxiety of texting you every two hours. He may even want a longer break.
- Ask him to be honest and accurate. Tell him, "What kind of space can I give you? What do you want from me?".
- Many people in a fulfilling relationship have moments for themselves. Keep in mind that this is not an attempt to run away or leave you, but a way to strengthen your relationship. If he had wanted to, he would have closed it.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to compromise
Even after hearing his point of view, you may feel hurt and unwilling to give him the space he is asking for. Offer to start by making small changes and see how you feel. Such a compromise will help you consider and understand what each of you is feeling.
- For example, if he wants to be with his friends a couple of times a week, ask him if he can only start with one. Meet up the next day for a romantic evening so everyone will have some time to be alone.
- Try to negotiate. For example, if he wants four hours a day to manage himself, ask him if you can only start with two. You can adjust the time according to the needs that will emerge over time.
Step 5. Stay calm and don't jump to conclusions
Check your voice and avoid screaming, otherwise it will just get defensive and even want more space. Regardless of how terrible this conversation may seem, it's not the end of your story nor is it leaving you! Take deep breaths and give yourself the time and emotional space to process his words.
- Remember that you want her happiness and that, therefore, her request is something you can meet in order to have a fulfilling life as a couple. This way, you can strengthen your bond and understand how much you care for each other.
- Keep in mind that, to build a strong relationship, you need to find a balance between the time you spend together and the moments for yourself. It is not harmful to be away from your partner.
Part 2 of 3: Allowing Everyone To Have Their Own Spaces
Step 1. Contact him less
It is up to both of you to decide how much space they will have, but a great way to get started is to stop texting them. Limit yourself to a few text messages per day, or even fewer if asked.
If you write to him 7-10 times a day, ask yourself what you want from this frequent communication. Do you want to make sure he's thinking of you? Want to know if he's having too much fun without you? Even if he asked you for space, use this opportunity to better understand yourself and your habits
Step 2. Avoid checking it on social networks
Don't grieve looking at the fun things she might do when she's not around you. You will get angry and feel bad about yourself too. Ask your friends to help you monitor the use of social networks and make sure you don't follow their profile all the time.
Giving your boyfriend space means letting him live part of his life with other people, taking into account that he loves you and that he has no intention of neglecting you
Step 3. Spend more time with your friends
Invite them to see a movie your boyfriend doesn't care about or eat at your favorite restaurant. Instead of being alone or feeling down when you're not together, surround yourself with the people you love.
Step 4. Cultivate your hobbies
Whether it's painting, watching old movies, reading, swimming or pursuing any other passion, take this opportunity to indulge in something inspiring. If you use this space to grow individually and focus on the things you love, your relationship will be stronger and more secure than ever.
Step 5. Reflect on the relationship from your point of view
Think about how you feel when you are not with your boyfriend. Do you miss him, but do you feel independent enough to live your life? Or are you unable to do or enjoy something when you are away?
By dedicating some time to yourself and your passions, you may realize that you are capable of living your life, even if you were to be single
Step 6. Suggest a trial period
It's an excellent form of compromise, especially if his request catches you off guard or you're afraid your boyfriend wants some space. Accept the option to try a solution for a few days or a week and see if it works. Finally, meet and share your impressions.
- You may be amazed at how good she was at getting used to the new situation or feel lonely and miserable during the probationary period. Express your frame of mind honestly and find a deal that works for both of you.
- Please note that you will have to try a few at first. It's normal. Don't be afraid to adjust your expectations according to your needs as a couple.
Part 3 of 3: Getting Away Completely for a Period of Time
Step 1. Establish hard limits
If your boyfriend wants to take a break, try to set expectations clearly instead of agreeing to have more time for himself. Decide whether to see yourself in person a couple of times or to send you a text message or email.
Do your best to respect the limits you have set. This will show him that you understand his problems, take him seriously, and intend to improve your relationship
Step 2. Agree on a time frame
Ask him how long he needs, then try to find a compromise. Any time frame ranging from a week to a month is a reasonable break.
If it takes more time, for example a few months, you may want to discuss your relationship more carefully. If so, your request may indicate that there are more important issues
Step 3. Agree to hang out with other people
Consider the reasons behind your request and decide what the best solution is. Make sure the expectations are clear to both of you to avoid misunderstandings and grudges.
- If he is unsure about the future of your relationship and needs to figure out if he wants to be with you, he may prefer to go out with other girls.
- If he takes the time to better reflect on your story, it doesn't make much sense for him to see other people.
Step 4. Take the time to take care of yourself
Read a book, watch your favorite movie or make a delicious meal. Have dinner with friends, go jogging, swim or practice yoga. Instead of thinking about what your boyfriend is doing during this break, focus your energy on your well-being.
Step 5. Review it after you have recharged
After the break, text him or call him and arrange a meeting in a public and neutral place. Hug him and tell him how excited you are. You will also have to deal with more serious issues surrounding your estrangement, but don't hesitate to express your happiness in seeing him again.
- Ask him how he is and how he felt during the break;
- Don't overdo your enthusiasm. Instead of saying, "I've missed you so much. I've been thinking about you every minute!", Try, "I'm so happy to see you again! I've missed you so much."
