Transphobia (negative attitudes and feelings towards transsexual, transgender, genderqueer, gender neutral and all other people with different gender identities) is a prejudice that many transgender people have to contend with constantly throughout their lives. It may be impossible to eradicate it completely, but there are things you can do to address other people's opinions more easily. Talk about your needs and be prepared to make your voice heard when someone expresses something offensive; remember that the most important thing is to surround yourself with people who support you and find a community to integrate into.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Interacting with Others
Step 1. Think about your safety
If at any time you feel threatened by someone, seek help; go to a trusted person or to a safe place, such as a friend's house or an LGBT center. If you think an individual is a danger, take action; for example, you can text or call someone you trust, but if necessary, also contact the police.
If someone harasses you, you can report them for a restraining order
Step 2. Face the daily guesswork
If someone makes you feel inadequate, weird, or marginalizes you, consider discussing their claims. For example, if a person refers to your childhood in masculine terms, but you have always identified yourself as a girl, correct it; if an individual states that you are a boy with "female births", inform them that your genitals, as well as the rest of your body, are male and ask them what specific area of your body they think is female. Remember that what others think is not your responsibility, but when you feel comfortable, you can drop the seed of doubt in their minds to cause them to change their minds.
Step 3. Block intrusive questions
Some people believe that it is perfectly legitimate to ask you about your private parts, surgery or other very personal details; in this case, clarify the limits they must respect and that these topics are not the subject of an informal conversation for you. If someone insists on such questions, you can simply reply that it is a private matter or that you do not feel appropriate to talk about it.
- Alternatively, you can remember that sex is a private matter and that it is polite to respect the privacy of others.
- Remember that there is no reason why a transsexual individual's personal boundaries should be different from those of another solely in their sexual orientation and gender identity.
Step 4. Talk about pronouns
If people don't know how to contact you, clarify the matter. Decide what gender of pronouns you feel comfortable with and communicate it to the people around you. When you introduce yourself, you can state which gender you want to be identified with; for example you can say: "Hi, I'm Cristian and I would like you to refer to me with the pronoun he".
If someone disregards your choice, tell them politely; admit that it can be a little uncomfortable, but that you identify with a certain gender and would like it to be respected
Step 5. Deal with the jokes or comments
You can often reverse an insult to make a person ponder their worldview and transphobic attitude. If you are an outgoing person or like to use a sense of humor, you can make the individual who is insulting you feel silly and at the same time ease the tension with a joke. For example, if someone asks about your gender identity, you can answer: "And when did you realize you were a man / woman / boy / girl?". If, on the other hand, an individual makes some comments about "checking" your genitals, you can reply curtly: "And can I check yours?". You don't have to have the confidence to respond in this way, but if you can, know that it could be a useful weapon to combat insults and teasing against transsexuals; make people understand that this kind of humor is not tolerated.
- If you want to keep a serious but firm attitude, you can state that certain comments are offensive and that this is not a joke topic.
- Remember that being comfortable with yourself helps others feel comfortable with you.
Part 2 of 4: Talk about your Needs
Step 1. Start small
It is advisable to start expressing your needs with individuals you feel are more understanding, so that you get used to it; by proceeding in this way you have the opportunity to learn how to manage the reactions of others in small doses and to subsequently expand the range of action.
For example, you should start with close friends or family before confronting colleagues, acquaintances, or people you don't get along well with
Step 2. Make requests
Let people know what you like and what you need; you cannot expect him to spontaneously treat you differently, so make requests and ask for your changes to be respected. There are specific people you should talk to, especially about big variations; for example, you should contact your employer and inform them of any changes you need in the office; perhaps you need a new license plate with your name or an email to be sent to all colleagues to inform them that they have to contact you in a different way. Be very clear when talking to friends and family; for example, you can ask them to refer to you with masculine pronouns from now on.
- When dealing with workplace changes, be concise and don't feel the need to explain too much; just inform yourself that you have made changes in your private life that you want to be respected in your professional life as well.
- You can decide how much to reveal to friends and family based on the level of confidence; you can opt to share the whole transition process or simply let them know what your needs are.
Step 3. Ask people to respect your name
Changing the name is an important commitment; if you think it will make you feel better, start introducing yourself with the new one. If people are having trouble using it, kindly remind them that your name is now. It takes some time for individuals to get used to calling you differently; be patient and don't be afraid to correct them when necessary.
- You can say: "I would like you to call me Daniele from now on" or: "Please update your phone book so that my new name appears."
- If someone refuses to use your chosen name, you may not be able to change their opinion; let him know how this affects you and, finally, consider breaking off with this person who does not respect your wishes.
Step 4. Ask for some privacy
If you tell someone about your changes or how you feel, remind them to keep this information to themselves. Maybe you don't want everyone to know what you are about to do or what your feelings are about it; if you want something to remain confidential, remember to communicate it to your interlocutor.
For example, you can ask: "Please do not tell anyone what I have told you; I do not want to spread information about me, I would like my privacy to be respected"
Step 5. Explain how gossip hurts you
If you want to share with others the profound discomfort that certain comments create in you, don't be afraid to do so; people may not realize you are unwell and it pays to be honest by letting them know what's bothering you, making you feel different, or humiliating you. Express your feelings frankly and openly.
If you don't know where to start, start with "I feel…". For example, you can say, "I feel frustrated every time I hear your comments; I think you don't realize how much they hurt me."
Part 3 of 4: Finding Support
Step 1. Surround yourself with friends and family
It is imperative to have people who support you and who you can turn to when you face difficult situations. Whether it's a formal support group or a monthly dinner with friends, these occasions are a real "lifesaver" when you need to reach out to someone you trust. Be aware of who supports and loves you, regardless of everything else.
If people aren't supportive, don't try to change them; instead, attend other groups you can talk to and who show empathy
Step 2. Join a support community
It is difficult to manage the feelings that arise from undergoing transphobic attitudes, especially if you live in a small and closed city. Try looking for LGBT groups nearby; if there aren't any, join an online community. These people can become a support, help you in difficult times and give you advice.
Seek support online as well, especially if you live in an area where there is no social aid program
Step 3. Find allies
Before anything else you need to surround yourself with friends who help you, family members, colleagues, and / or teachers who are also allies. Many people believe that it is the job of transsexual individuals to educate and inform others of the problems they face every day; however, your allies can help you by supporting and educating people who make transphobic comments.
Ask friends to make their voices heard not only to defend you, but other transgender individuals as well; make them stand up for the rights of trans people, demand respect both online and in the community
Step 4. Look for empathetic professionals
You don't have to face harassment, prejudice, and intolerance from the professionals you target. Look for doctors who have worked with transgender people before and who understand all aspects of treatment. Rely on a psychologist who supports you and who can help you overcome the emotions that transphobia triggers in you; the most important thing is to feel confident that you can talk about anything comfortably.
Step 5. Seek help if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts
If you start thinking about death, contact someone immediately; talk to a trusted person or call a "helpline" for suicide prevention. Seek help and don't think you have to deal with these feelings alone; call emergency services or go to the emergency room for immediate treatment.
The Consultorio Transgenere is an association that offers various services, including psychological support
Part 4 of 4: Overcoming Difficult Situations
Step 1. Get away from people who hurt you
If someone in your life is rude, offensive, and doesn't want to change their attitude, consider breaking up. You can let this happen informally or "break up" clearly; if the relationship does more harm than good, perhaps it is time to end it.
Remember that not everyone is open-minded about your situation; you will always come across individuals who are neither understanding nor empathetic. Do yourself a favor and forget about these people who don't treat you well
Step 2. Forgive people
Sometimes some good people can make you feel "wrong"; even friends and loved ones who accept your identity can take a "misstep", misspell the gender of a pronoun, or tell a cruel joke. If they offer you their most sincere and honest apologies, even if they have made some mistake, forgive them; remember that it is not possible to minimize transphobic attitudes from one day to the next. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what was said or done, but to go further and not get caught up in anger or resentment towards someone.
Forgiveness is a gradual process, don't expect to get better immediately; it takes time for the wounds of offensive comments to heal
Step 3. Stand up for your rights when the law is on your side
You don't necessarily have to sue to prevent transphobia from interfering with school, finding a home, or other life situations; inquire to find out if your municipality, school or workplace has a regulation on discrimination based on gender identity and a system for reporting any violation of these rules. Meditation is another less expensive and problematic practice for resolving disputes instead of going to court.
If you feel you have a legal right to sue an employer, school, or government official, find a lawyer who is experienced in discrimination issues or who at least shows interest and understanding of the issue during the first consultation
Advice
- Do not assume that transphobia is always striking, some people manifest a mixture of social and political attitudes; however, be aware that by the very nature of transphobia in society, most people (if not all and even some transgender individuals) have some sort of internalized bias, which can be eliminated through education.
- Whenever possible, avoid going to a doctor or health professional who has trouble accepting transgender people; partner with individuals who support you and provide you with correct information.
- Remember that your mental health always takes priority over what people think. If necessary, move away from these individuals; you do not have to persuade anyone to change their mind or accept their transphobic views.
