Everyone loves in his own way. For example, someone tries first to please others, and then there are the self-centered Don Juan, people who believe that love is a deep friendship and people who are often referred to as "hopeless romantics". Hopeless romantics are looking for a love based on passion, blatant gestures and deep intimacy. If you are not one of them, but you are together with a person who is, you may think that your relationship is doomed to failure. However, if you intend to make small sacrifices, the bond can not only survive the differences, it can also be very fulfilling for both of you. This article will offer you some ideas for making a relationship with a romantic person work.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Appreciate the Differences
Step 1. Try to understand your differences
Psychologists have identified at least three primary "styles" of love, three ways of loving, which are based on friendship, passion and play. Some experts suggest that there are six different ways of experiencing the state of falling in love, and most people experience love based on a combination of two or more of these. Take some time to think about what love means to you and the other person.
- According to psychologist John Lee, there are six types of love: eros (romantic / passionate love), ludos (love based on play), storge (love based on deep friendship), pragma (practical love), mania (obsessive love) and agape (altruistic love). Think about the style or styles that best suit you and the other person.
- If you are together with a romantic person, but you are not, this does not mean that you love them less, it simply means that you experience love differently.
- Understanding and appreciating differences is important in any romantic relationship.
Step 2. Try to understand the other person
Try to put yourself in his shoes and understand his point of view.
- If you have different approaches to communicating your feelings, consider whether your way of conveying what you are feeling is effective.
- For you, mowing the grass or doing some other housework for the other person might be a way of telling them you love them, but consider their point of view: is they getting this very message through your actions?
- Your needs are undoubtedly valid, but those of the other person are valid too, so it's important to understand whether or not you communicate your feelings in a way they understand.
Step 3. Appreciate the attention paid to you
Being with a romantic person can be very fulfilling. Try to focus on the benefits, instead of just thinking about the effort you need to put in.
- The other person will likely make several efforts to remember what you like, organize fun and spontaneous activities to share, and cheer you up when you are sad.
- In most cases, the other person will just want to receive your love in return. Furthermore, such an individual is more likely to focus on the good qualities of the person with whom he is together, often neglecting the flaws.
- All of this doesn't mean that you have an obligation to do something nice to reciprocate, it does mean that you are lucky enough to be with someone who loves your company and wants to be reciprocated.
Part 2 of 2: Making the Other Person Happy
Step 1. Don't take the other person for granted
In any self-respecting relationship, it's important to carefully examine the other person's kind gestures and clearly express your gratitude to them.
- This is especially important when you are dating an incurable romantic. Probably, he will do many gestures so that you feel happy and loved. If you don't appreciate it, he'll eventually give up and move on.
- You don't have to do big things - just tell the other person that you really appreciate what they do for you, especially after they have given you special attention.
Step 2. Give the relationship a touch of sparkle
Sharing new experiences is good for any relationship, because it makes it exciting and fun.
- Again, this is especially important when you are dating an incurable romantic, who probably appreciates spontaneity. Such a person will try to give you little surprises to remind you that he loves you, and will enjoy the same treatment.
- For example, plan a trip to a place neither of you has ever visited, or sign up for a class that allows you to do an activity that is interesting for both of you.
Step 3. Negotiate
Any lasting relationship that you respect requires negotiation and honest sharing of your feelings. If you are having trouble compromising with the other person and finding a solution that satisfies both of you, try to speak truthfully and extensively about your expectations.
- Express your feelings openly, without blaming the other person. Expressions such as "I feel …", "I would like …", "I really wish …" and so on are ideal because they encourage both of you to open up, without blaming anyone, which would happen by expressing phrases like "You make me feel …".
- If necessary, ask for space. There are people who need more time alone than others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Be kind but direct when you explain it. However, remember to clarify that this request is not dependent on the other person, it is closely related to your needs. When you ask for space all to yourself, reaffirm the commitment you made to the relationship.
- The other person also needs to know that he can express his emotions. Tell her her feelings are important to you.
- When the other person is talking, listen carefully, don't just wait for the time to have your say. This means looking into her eyes, trying to put aside distracting thoughts, and, from time to time, checking your understanding to make sure you are getting the message she is trying to convey to you.
- Look for a compromise. If for the other person the idea of a perfect exit corresponds to a walk in the moonlight, while yours is to visit a museum together, look for a solution so that you both get what you want, even if it means that you do not everything will always go as you wish.
- In these negotiations with the other person, be attentive and accommodating to the needs and feelings they communicate to you. If she feels insecure or underappreciated, this will allow her to feel loved and taken into consideration.
- If you've hurt your partner's feelings, apologize. Even if you didn't do it intentionally or believe you didn't do it wrong, you can still apologize for hurting her.
Step 4. Take baby steps
There are several seemingly obvious actions you can take to allow the other person to feel loved day in and day out. These small steps don't require a lot of sacrifice, but they can make a big difference. Here are some suggestions:
- Hold hands. When you walk down the street, sit on the sofa or take the bus, take her by the hand. You may not seem to be doing much, but the other person will notice.
- When you are away, remind her that you think of her. Text or email her to flirt like in the early days, or tell her about something you just saw or heard because you think it might make her smile.
- You can also surprise her with a short love letter, left in a place where you are sure she will find it.
- Buy her a little gift. You don't have to spend a lot: a bouquet of flowers, a pastry that she likes, a book or a CD that you have seen and that you think is to her liking. It is simply a way like any other to say to her: "I have thought of you and I love you".
Step 5. Do something special
Every now and then, make an effort to surprise the other person with a more dramatic romantic gesture.
- Of course, in your opinion this is not the main component of a relationship, but sometimes it is important to be romantic. Not only would the other person appreciate such a gesture, these moments will remind both of you that you value your relationship and that it is great to be together.
- For example, plan a dinner at a romantic restaurant, or plan a vacation together. If you don't have enough time for a long trip, you can just go away for a weekend or spend a night out in a nearby tourist resort, staying in a nice bed & breakfast.
- Create something for the other person. Write a poem or song, or create an artwork inspired by her. If you are not creative, use photographs of yourself to print a card or calendar. Alternatively, you can frame them.
- Make a special dinner using the other person's favorite foods and serve it by candlelight. It may not be original, but remember this is a classic, not a cliché.
- Give your partner a massage. You can buy a professional device or make it yourself. There are many books to learn some basic techniques. For an even more romantic atmosphere, light a few candles.
Advice
- Both men and women appreciate and can perform these types of romantic gestures. Do not automatically assume that the other person cannot like them or that you absolutely must not do them because you think they are useless.
- Be creative. You can find ways to clearly communicate your feelings to the other person and, at the same time, be yourself.
