If you're a guy who's starting to have feelings for his best friend (or just any friend), these instructions may help you. It can be very hard to deal with such a situation, especially if you feel that on the other hand the feelings are not reciprocated in the same way.
Steps
Step 1. Evaluate your respective personalities
Are compatible? Surely you have seen your friend in other relationships so far. Did she flirt with other people even when she wasn't single or did she feel completely taken over by her partner? Examine the characteristics you have in common that came up when you were in a relationship to see if they can be managed.
Step 2. Look at the ways to act
Does he take on behaviors that absolutely irritate you (and vice versa)? If this happens, the chances of lasting in a long relationship could be very slim. It's easy to ignore annoying attitudes for a few months before you notice them clearly.
Step 3. Analyze your ability to compromise
A relationship is much more than the give and take characteristic of friendships. Are you really capable of satisfying each other's wants and needs? Can you do it with maturity?
Step 4. Consider if there is mutual trust between you
If you already have an exclusive friendship relationship, you will surely be aware of the secrets and confidences that you have revealed so far. Do you still have confidence that the other person will not fall in love with someone else again or will not use that information against you, should the relationship end?
Step 5. Evaluate the attraction
If the attraction is mainly physical, it is probably not worth ruining such a close friendship on a whim. If you don't want to jeopardize the mental involvement in your relationship, it's best to look for a casual partner elsewhere.
Step 6. Find out if she has the same feelings for you
Remember that she may see you as a brotherly figure and be upset if you tell her how you feel about her. It could ruin everything, or it could improve your relationship. Calculate the risks against these possibilities. Be careful not to declare yourself suddenly or too openly. Whatever you say, there is always a delicate way to say it.
Step 7. Don't rush
Don't tell him right away. Make some subtle comments like "You know, we've been friends for a long time" or "What would I do without you?". These are essentially harmless displays of affection. However, don't indulge in similar comments too often, as you risk being blatant.
Step 8. Spend time together
Have fun doing the things you do as friends. Show her how fun it is to be together.
Step 9. Use humor
If you both have a good sense of humor, don't hesitate to make jokes at each other, however you like. It's to keep you entertained (and if you're lucky, you might get emotionally close before you even realize it). If you have a joke or some joke ready, bring it up at the right time.
Step 10. Be there
It is important to understand what his needs are. If he wants to have a shoulder to cry on, offer it to him. If she's cold, lend her your jacket. Over time he will notice how great you are. You need to make her see you as an amazing guy she can commit to, so that she starts thinking about this possibility on her own. Remember to stay close to her because you care about her, not because you expect something in return.
Step 11. Be patient
If you are lucky and compatible with each other, things will be fine. In most relationships, you have to work first, then wait for something to happen.
Step 12. Confess to her what you feel
It's often easier for a guy, because most girls respect each other's feelings. Make sure she understands you and when you feel the time has come, tell her what you think. Of course, you could ruin and / or lose a friendship, or at least risk changing something in spite of yourself. However, if luck is close to you, it will bring respect for you and what you feel.
Step 13. Prepare for rejection
If your feelings are not reciprocated, keep a cool head and do not let embarrassments linger in your friendship. Make sure everything stays the same.
Advice
- If she expresses any negative emotions, it doesn't mean she doesn't like you at all. Maybe he never thought of you two as two people who can hang out. He may actually need some time to think about this situation. Don't tell her you were joking! He will think you were lying or that it was a cruel joke.
- If you are going to reveal your feelings, talk to her personally. Don't use messages or emails. Don't say it publicly, because it might get embarrassed, and not even when you've been drinking, because the next day might be unpleasant especially if you don't remember it anymore.
- If you decide to talk to her, tell her that it's okay for you to just be friends and that you can go further. Also tell her that you would no longer be able to keep these things inside, but that you know how to handle the situation in case she doesn't feel the same about you.
- Don't be in a hurry. She is not like any other girl, since she confides her secrets to you. If you catch her by surprise, chances are she'll feel very embarrassed. Maybe he just wants to be your friend.
- It is very difficult to hold back your feelings when you are young, so you have probably given her a flood of signs that have shown you are interested for some time. Maybe he understood, but he hides it.
- If she got engaged while you're trying to get along with her, be nice and helpful. Make sure to proceed with your attempts by waiting.
- Be her knight. April bring it or introduce it to your friends when you meet them.
- If you express your feelings, but on the other hand the reaction is not positive, get away from her for a while. It will be very difficult, but it is worth it. She will notice your distance and will be able to understand if she misses you. This way your friendship will be saved.
- The odds are in your favor if you tell her how you feel. It happens very often that girls fall in love with their closest friends.
- Read some articles on how girls fall in love with their best friends. You may better understand what they are looking for.
- Do not be insecure or desperate, because you will extinguish all enthusiasm in her. Try to get close, but be careful not to get arrogant.
- If you still can't talk to her after some time, you can take advantage of those situations where words are superfluous. Break the ice. When the time has come and you are alone in the right place, try to express what you feel. One way to start could be: "Is it just my imagination or are you avoiding me?" See what he replies to you. Does he try to end the conversation or does he talk to you openly?
- If you decide to tell her how you feel while being with someone else, expect the worst. It is unlikely that she will leave him to go with you. Whatever you do, don't try to separate them even if she seems perplexed about her current relationship. This is not the time to raise doubts, because you will be putting yourself on the wrong side. If you try to show her the negative aspects of her boyfriend, she will defend him to the death, while you take on the role of the one who insults him. Don't forget your friendship. It's easy when you feel these emotions to overlook why you fell in love with a friend in the first place. If you are not careful, you will lose the girl you love, but also the friendship that binds you.
- Appreciate your friendship. Love her, don't make her regret something and take care of her. You had a chance others would die for.
- If by nature you are not the fun or stimulating type, look for someone who has these same qualities and who is willing to help those in need.
- If and when they break up, don't fill her with the attention she wants. Be available for a while and then be his friend again. If you talk to her while she is engaged in another relationship or as soon as she has broken up, you risk getting stuck in the so-called "friend zone".
- If yours is an open friendship in which you discuss your love lives and she asks you if you have been thinking about anyone lately, or she asks you about the girl you were previously dating or interested in, answer casually “No, not really. I only think about you and how exciting you are”. Laugh and add that you were joking. Making a few witty jokes lightens the situation and can make it easier for you to have a conversation on this topic. After joking a bit like this, try to tell her that there is no one else in your thoughts and that, on the contrary, you would be inclined to let a new person into your life.
- Buy clothes that you like and that match your style. Wear them as often as possible.
- Chances are you will feel sad around this time, but don't get overwhelmed and try not to show it! Try getting close to other girls. She will notice and may get jealous.
Warnings
- If you open up to her but find that she isn't interested, don't rush and don't try to make her fall in love with you at all costs. You will lose a beautiful friendship.
- Even if you are together, this change can lead to the end of a friendship. Today you are engaged, but what can you break tomorrow? While it's mutual, you may see your ex in someone else's arms. How would you feel? Think about what could happen in the future.
- This is a situation that risks becoming very complicated. If you love her with all your heart, the truth may come out sooner or later. Choose the right time to tell them and things will likely go right.
