In most cases, people do not have great difficulty in finding the right balance between friendships and relationships; however, it can happen that you develop romantic feelings for a close friend. If it has happened to you too, or if you are afraid that it will happen, you need to be very careful not to fall in love.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Date Your Friend
Step 1. Define your friendship
If you are afraid of falling in love with a friend, you may not have a clear idea of your relationship. If you find him attractive, try to remember why you became friends and why your relationship is important to you. Think of all that you could lose if you acted by following your heart.
- Hidden feelings of love can complicate or even ruin the strongest friendships.
- If you are friends, you should be able to listen to him when he talks to you about the people he associates with, without feeling jealous or desire. If you can't, maybe you should distance yourself from him.
Step 2. Overcome the attraction
You may be afraid of falling in love with a friend, but it is much more likely that you are only feeling attraction or desire. However, this is good, as physical attraction often wears off rather quickly if you don't step forward.
- Consider if you have looked for unavailable partners in the past. This reflection can help you understand what your tendencies are regarding romantic relationships and can help you not to repeat the same mistakes.
- To generate change, you have to act. You need to actively change the way you think about your friend so that you no longer see him as a potential partner.
- Try to stop having romantic or sexual thoughts about him. Wear an elastic band around your wrist and use it to pinch yourself, stopping unwanted thoughts in their tracks.
- By thinking of him more as a brother or a close relative, you can keep your feelings in check. Over time, by observing him in that light, you will be able to feel less attraction towards him.
Step 3. Distance yourself from your friend
If you don't put stakes in your relationship, your crush on him can become more intense and reach too high a level. Remember, your friendship is precious and starting a romantic or sexual relationship with him could ruin everything.
- Stay friends, but avoid doing activities reserved for couples. For example, don't hold his hand, don't cuddle him, and don't kiss him.
- Hang out less. Try not to see each other more than once a week.
Step 4. Meet in the company of other people
If spending time alone with your friend isn't a good idea, you can follow this advice. The presence of other people creates a more social and less intimate environment, eliminating the temptations and romantic tension that arise when you are alone.
- Find excuses if he wants you to meet alone, or see each other in public places. For example, have a coffee or go to the park instead of spending an evening hugging on the sofa.
- You have to decide whether to talk about your feelings with other friends. If there's a chance they'll be telling the truth to the person you like or making fun of you, maybe it's best to avoid confessing your feelings.
Step 5. Try to hide your attraction
If a friend doesn't reciprocate how you feel, confessing your feelings to them can make them uncomfortable, confused, or even frustrated. Even if you think you can talk to him about everything, telling him the truth could permanently change the dynamics of your relationship.
- Consider whether your feelings begin to wane as you put stakes in your relationship and spend less time together. Your attraction can fade on its own, without you needing to talk to him.
- If he is engaged (or if you are), or if he has already explicitly told you that he is not attracted to you, you should keep your feelings under wraps and follow another strategy.
- In some cases, it may be necessary to have an honest conversation about your feelings for a friend. If the attraction hasn't faded, or if he told you that walking away hurt him or confused him, talking to him might be a good idea.
Part 2 of 4: Forget Your Feelings
Step 1. Always try to have something to do
By finding distractions, you will be able to overcome the feelings you have for your friend. You can indulge in your hobbies, or go out and try to meet different people.
- Make plans with your friends or relatives at least a couple of times a week. Keep interacting with others so as not to think about the attraction to your friend.
- You can find something to do even if your friends and relatives are not available. Go for long walks or bike rides, explore your city, find a hobby or take a course to learn something new.
Step 2. Prioritize your well-being
Forgetting romantic feelings for a friend is a lot like overcoming a breakup. You may feel sadness, anger or many other emotions and lose the motivation to face the day; however, it is especially important to keep your life normal and take care of yourself at times like these.
- Do a lot of sport. You will release the frustration and cause the release of endorphins.
- Try to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity a day. Most experts recommend getting 150 minutes of moderate exercise or 75 minutes of strenuous exercise per week.
- Do your favorite things, like going shopping or hanging out with friends. These distractions can make you feel good and not make you think about your friend.
- Make sure you eat a nutritious diet and maintain proper hygiene habits. Some people neglect their daily routine when heartbroken, but this makes emotional recovery more difficult.
Step 3. Talk about your feelings
If you have had to distance yourself from a friend you are attracted to, you may experience many complex emotions. By stifling these thoughts and emotions, you will not be able to leave them behind. Let off steam by talking to trusted friends or a professional psychologist.
- If you talk to your friends about your experiences, be sure to choose people you trust. The last thing you want is for them to make fun of you or for your friend to get rumors about your feelings.
- If you decide to go to a psychologist, ask your family doctor for a recommendation.
- A psychologist can help you solve other problems besides this one. You will be able to discover behavioral patterns not to repeat and to change your life in a positive way.
Part 3 of 4: Talk to Your Friend
Step 1. Find the courage to talk to your friend
You may be afraid to tell him how you feel; you would expose yourself to the possibility of rejection and risk ruining your relationship. If you have decided to talk to him, find the courage. Being brave means facing your fears and doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Remember that to change and to grow, you need to push your limits and do something that challenges you. Repeat your speech several times before giving it, so that you feel more comfortable when you confess your feelings.
- Gain more confidence in yourself. Say positive affirmations aloud, focus on the activities you excel at, and rethink your successes.
- Remember that if a friend isn't interested in you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Feelings of love cannot be forced, and in some cases people don't reciprocate what you feel. More often than not, the reasons why your attraction is unrequited depend on the other person and not on you.
Step 2. Choose the right time
Ask your friend if he can meet you at a time when you will have a lot of time to talk. Choose a private place where you feel comfortable. In front of other people or with a great romantic gesture, you may be putting more pressure on him or causing him to panic.
Step 3. Be sincere and assertive
If you have tried not to fall in love with a friend without success, you may need to express your feelings. If you've thought the risk is worth taking, maybe this is the right decision. It's not healthy to stifle your feelings, and if doing so is torture or creates problems in your relationship, then confessing how you feel is probably the best choice. You don't necessarily have to come up with a classic declaration of love; be sincere, clear and not too melodramatic (it may come as a shock to your friend to learn about your feelings, so don't make too much of a gesture).
You can say, "My feelings towards you have changed and I like you more than just a friend. I would like to try to be with you. What do you think?"
Step 4. Listen to your friend
Once you've expressed your feelings, you need to give them time to respond. Try to put aside the fear of rejection and not decide in advance what you will say after it replies. Look him in the eye, ask him questions if you have to, and try to repeat what he said to make sure you understand.
Respect your friend's feelings. He may be surprised, confused, angry, or have many different emotions. If he tells you he's not interested in a romance with you, don't try to convince him and don't argue with him. If he claims that he is confused and needs time to think, tell him that you are ready to give him space and that you will speak when the time is right
Step 5. Give yourself space
If you have feelings for a friend, you will need to metabolize them and understand what your relationship means to you. He too may need time to decide what to do, or he may distance himself as long as there is tension between you.
- Limit the time you spend together and your contact with him, including texting, phone calls, and internet conversations.
- Try not to think about him. You can do this through distractions, such as a hobby or work, or by hanging out with another friend.
Part 4 of 4: Avoid Your Friend
Step 1. Avoid temptation
It is not necessary to stop seeing your friend, but you should certainly avoid the possible romantic scenarios. Putting yourself in a situation where you may develop even more intense feelings or where you may be tempted to step forward will only lead to frustration and can have negative effects on your relationship.
- Resist the temptation to put yourself in dating-like situations, like going to the movies or having dinner alone.
- If you are of alcoholic age, avoid drinking with your friend. Often people who are intoxicated with alcohol have fewer inhibitions and can end up making bad decisions.
Step 2. Decide when is the right time to get back to normal
If you and a friend need to distance themselves, you may want to decide in advance how long you won't see each other. You probably want your relationship to go back to what it used to be in the future, although in some situations it will take longer than in others. Establishing an approximate time interval will help you notice any changes in your mood and understand when you can return to being alone with your friend without taking any risks.
The duration of the pause for reflection is entirely subjective. Some people just need a couple of weeks, while others need months or even years
Step 3. Consider moving
This is an extreme reaction, but for some people it is the best choice. If you think your feelings for a friend will never go away and you're afraid your relationship will suffer, a geographic shift can remedy the situation.
- You don't have to move very far. It may be enough to move to another neighborhood or to a nearby city, so that it is not so easy to meet you.
- Remember that moving is a drastic change. You shouldn't make such a decision for a simple crush.
Advice
- Remember that you will surely find a person who will make you happy. Finding a soul mate will make you feel so much better than thinking about a friend you can't win.
- Never get angry about your feelings. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a friend, in fact, it is quite a common occurrence. You just have to worry about your reaction to these feelings.
Warnings
- Make sure you don't forget a friend by dating another person. You would exploit it. If you decide to go on a date with someone, make sure you're interested in them. If not, you could hurt him.
- Make sure you don't end up hating your best friend. Remember that it's not his fault that you have developed romantic feelings for him. He is still a friend who deserves your respect and kindness, no matter how you feel.
