Sooner or later, almost everyone gets to argue with their best friend and sometimes even thinks they've lost him forever. Fortunately, they end up making peace because true friends don't stop loving each other. In some cases, the situation may seem difficult, but don't lose hope. Regardless of friction, new love affairs or a possible transfer, you have the opportunity to win back the affection of your best friend.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Talk About Your Problems
Step 1. Tell him how you feel
You will likely miss him as much as he misses yours, but one of you has to take the first step. Confess how much you miss him and reassure him, explaining that it is a fundamental part of your life.
- Tell him, "You are like a brother to me, so not having you around is like losing a family member."
- If he's dating a new friend or partner more often, let him know that you'd like to spend more time with him. Explain that you accept the presence of a new person in his life and emphasize that you are not trying to distance him from her. Tell him, "I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy. I just miss your company."
- Be honest with him, even if you feel embarrassed. You might say, "This situation is really difficult because you are my best friend. I am used to talking to you every day, but lately I have the impression that you are too busy to be with me."
Step 2. Don't rush to conclusions
Don't be too sticky. There are several reasons why he may have strayed, so don't think that some missed message or missed date means you missed it. It is possible that he is going through a rather stressful or busy time and that he has little time to devote himself to social life.
- Understand that he is probably dealing with other things that have nothing to do with you or the rest of his friendships.
- If he has gotten very close to another person, it is possible that that person will be able to fill a void in their life in a way that you will never be able to. Perhaps they both come from divorced families, have conducted the same studies, or are suffering from a relative's illness.
Step 3. Apologize
If you were wrong, apologizing is the first step to saving your friendship. It's not enough for you to say "I'm sorry". You have to be more precise. Even if you don't think the fight was up to you, you need to be superior and don't hesitate to apologize first.
- Show him that you realized the mistake you made and you know why you made a mistake.
- Tell him, "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday date. I know you are bitter. I too would feel hurt in your place."
Step 4. Express yourself
Don't speak for both of you and don't project your mood onto your friend. You certainly have two different points of view on what happened and on your respective intentions, but don't worry. The important thing is that you are able to explain what you think about the situation and are willing to find a meeting point.
Avoid saying: "You never listen to me!", But try to speak like this: "I have the impression that you do not listen to me. For this, I feel mortified."
Step 5. Take Your Responsibilities
When it comes to apologizing, resist the urge to stand up for your behavior. Don't go looking for alibis, regardless of how justified you felt to act in a certain way or what was happening in your life. Nothing will be able to absolve you from the pain caused to your friend, just as no justification could be valid in the face of the improprieties he may have committed towards you.
- For example, avoid saying, "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday party. I've had a busy week and lost track of time." While this is true, such an explanation will weaken your apology because it will betray the idea that your behavior was somehow justified.
- Try telling him, "I know I was wrong."
Step 6. Don't accuse
Regardless of who started the fight or what you said to each other, think about moving on. Ask yourself how much you want your best friend to be a part of your life and remember that pointing the finger will only make the situation worse.
- Don't say, "I'm sorry you think this way," because you would blame him for what is happening. It is as if you are saying that your behavior was right and that the other person had an overreaction.
- If you think I'm accusing you unfairly, defend yourself: "You think it's my fault, right?" If he answers yes, you can talk about it.
Step 7. Suggest ways to address your problems
By talking together, you will begin a process of reconciliation, but it does not mean that it will be enough to completely mend your relationship. Suggest something to do together (consider one of the solutions mentioned below). You have to work to save your friendship, and if you show that you have a plan, your apology will carry more weight.
Offer to go to the cinema. You can spend some time together without having to talk, and later on, you will have something to discuss. This way, you won't feel compelled to find conversation points that keep you away from your differences
Part 2 of 3: Give Your Friend Space
Step 1. Limit your contacts
If he tells you he just needs some time, respect his decision. He probably feels the need to calm down, reflect on the situation and recover. Calling him all the time, sending him text messages and emails, you won't help him. In fact, you could make things worse.
- Interact in a civil manner. If you meet him at school or work, greet him with a smile, wave your hand or nod.
- Do not treat him with coldness and detachment. Be open and available to him.
- Don't try to get information about him through your mutual acquaintances, and don't trick your friends into choosing sides.
Step 2. Don't be clingy
Let them decide which places and people to go to. When you are afraid of losing a close friend, you are tempted to overwhelm him with attention, but this often turns out to be counterproductive. By behaving as if you disapprove of the relationships he has built with other people, he will become more and more convinced that moving away from you and your possessiveness is for the best.
- If he's busier than usual, find something to do that keeps you just as busy so you don't get too clingy.
- If you are jealous of having a new relationship, remember that you too will find a partner or make other friends.
Step 3. Try something you've never tried
Instead of mulling over how much you miss him, distract yourself by doing something fun that you always wanted to try. If you run out of ideas, find out about the events to be held in the city or take a trip to a hobby shop.
Step 4. Try meeting new people
While you don't have to rush to find someone to replace your best friend, start building a new network of friendships. Don't try to skip the steps with your new friends and don't expect to go out alone with someone you just met, but leave the door open for other acquaintances.
- Join an association.
- Go out with other friends.
- Throw a party.
Step 5. Know when it's time to move on
Sometimes, when someone asks for some space, they ultimately prefer to leave things as they are. As hard as it is to give up a good friendship, you will probably have to deal with it. Consider what you have been through as an experience you can treasure to improve your relationships. Reflect on what this closed relationship has given you and learn to choose your friends in the future.
- Cry if you feel the need. It is important to process the end of a relationship as if it were a bereavement, so that you can overcome it. Crying is a normal and necessary reaction, so don't feel guilty if you need to let off steam.
- Even if your friend hasn't ended his relationship with you for good, say goodbye by writing a letter you won't send him or create a ritual to take leave of your friendship.
Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding Your Friendship
Step 1. Ignore the gossip
Unfounded rumors only serve to ruin friendships. If someone tries to talk bad about your friend, tell them to stop. Refuse to listen to him if he implies that he despises you. Even if that were true, it wouldn't help you mend relationships.
Reply: "I don't care."
Step 2. Forgive and forget
Start from scratch. Once you have solved your problems, don't continue to punish your friend by treating him with indifference or recalling past mistakes in other discussions. Forget it and move on.
- Think about the future.
- If the same problems recur, give them the benefit of the doubt instead of jumping to conclusions.
Step 3. Invite him to a group event
You may feel uncomfortable when you start mending relationships with a friend. By being in a group, you will be able to spend some time together without the risk of old frictions resurfacing when the spirits are still on.
- Ask the whole group to go out for dinner.
- Find out about events organized at school or in the city and choose one that fits your common interests.
Step 4. Keep in mind that new relationships are inevitable
If he's met someone else, don't think your relationship is going to end. It is normal that sooner or later you will fall in love or make new friends. If it happens to him first, you may have some difficulty accepting the new relationship dynamics, but know that it happens to everyone.
- Don't see this as a rejection. He's not trying to replace you. He just found someone else with whom he had a special understanding.
- Your relationship may change, but it's not over.
- Talk to the other person. Be open-minded and try to get to know her. If it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, be happy for your friend and let him know he can trust you.
Step 5. Find other ways to be together
If a situation has arisen that has alienated you (for example, the illness of a close relative, the birth of a child, or new work or school responsibilities), find a solution that works for both of you. Since his life is changing, the time you spend together is also bound to change. Show him that you can always be a part of his life.
- Go see him at lunchtime.
- Join him in something he does on a regular basis, like a class at the gym.
- If he's engaged, remind him that you'd like to spend some time with him. Tell him, "Your girlfriend is great, but can we have lunch alone this weekend?"
Step 6. Don't neglect your favorite activities
To rekindle the friendship, be doing something exciting together, preferably an activity that nurtures your emotional bond. In this way, you will remember the good times spent together and you will be able to overcome the problems that have pushed you away. For example, if you like to sing, find a place to perform karaoke.
Advice
- Show your friend that you really love him.
- Calm down before resuming an argument with him.
- Stay in touch and remind him that he is your best friend.
- Let him know that you haven't stopped thinking about him, even if you intend to give him space.
- If the fight was up to you, don't hesitate to talk to him. Tell him the truth by explaining that you weren't going to hurt his feelings.
- Try to look at the situation from his point of view.
- If he wants to break the friendship, leave him alone. It will be tough, but you have to do it for your own good.
- If you think he is angry with you, ask him only once, then walk away. Maybe you just need a little break.
- Seek advice from someone you can trust, such as your father, mother, or older brother.
- If she has made a strong friendship with another person, do not behave badly with her. Try to explain your point of view to her and propose that they do something together.
- If you find it difficult to talk to him in person, try calling him or texting him.
- If he's lost his temper, leave him alone. Resume the conversation later and try to tell him what you think. If he doesn't want to be your friend anymore, give him some time and seek the company of other people.
Warnings
- Don't be petulant or jealous when confronted with him.
- Don't try to make him jealous on purpose.
- When you apologize, don't ignore it for the next few days.
- If you mistreat a person who is dating or their boyfriend (or girlfriend), you will only create further problems. Remember that whoever is his friend is also your friend.
