When romance ends, they often leave a difficult situation for the people involved. You both face strong emotions, confusion and guilt. Maybe you did something that your girlfriend decided to break up with, or you broke up with her. Regardless of what happened, your relationship has ended and now your ex has already found a new partner. If you want to go back with her, arm yourself with time and a lot of effort.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Consider your feelings
At the end of all love stories, we are struck by a rush of emotions. Often you will avoid really thinking about how you are feeling, because it is not easy and can be painful. Take the time to delve into your true feelings about your ex so that you can be calm and confident when you try to win her back. It will help you, even if you fail, to be able to leave the past behind.
- Do you feel hurt? Sad? Rejected? When a relationship doesn't work out, it's easy to feel rejected, feel like there's something "wrong" with us, or feel sad about losing an important bond.
- Are you jealous and think your girlfriend has forgotten you? Jealousy is a very powerful emotion; you can try it because you still love your ex and see her with another partner, or because you just want to be in a new relationship too.
- Do you feel lonely? Loneliness is a very common feeling after a breakup, so consider whether you want to win back your ex so you don't feel alone anymore.
Step 2. Find out what went wrong
Reflect objectively on the reasons that led to the end of the romance with your ex; understanding what was wrong will help you decide if it's worth coming back with her. Think about all your trust, loyalty, and communication issues. Also ask yourself why he has already found another partner. Determine if your relationship was suffering from any of the following problems:
- Poor communication, constant criticism, inability to share thoughts or feelings, manifestations of overly violent anger and a feeling of not being appreciated or neglected.
- Mistakes or acts of dishonesty, such as betrayal, lies or theft.
- Feeling of imbalance within the couple, in which one of the people was more involved than the other.
- Friction due to external factors such as family, culture or religion.
Step 3. Spend time with your ex
If the idea doesn't scare you, hanging out with her will help you better understand what happened between you and what feelings you have for her. Be careful not to try to be friends with him too soon, and set up a meeting that will help both of you decide what to do next.
- Ask her if she'd like to see you. Be honest, let her know that "you are trying to clarify your ideas".
- Try not to talk about the breakup. Your meeting should be friendly, informal, cheerful and fun.
- Be prepared for possible rejection, as your ex may not be ready for this step yet.
- Be careful and respectful, as your dating could cause difficulties in your ex's new relationship.
Step 4. Respect your ex's new partner
During this phase of reflection and as long as you try to win her back, remember that there is another man by her side. Try not to get obsessed with her new romance and don't constantly ask yourself questions like "Why did she choose him?" or "What do you see in him?". By focusing your thoughts on that particular, you will only fuel your anger and give the impression of being jealous.
Give your ex all the space she needs and give her the respect she and her new partner reserve for you
Step 5. Listen to it
It is important to listen to what he says and try to consider his feelings. You may have a clear idea of how you feel and how you would like things to go in the future, but she doesn't. Give her time to find serenity by your side and wait for her to tell you what she wants. Here are some mistakes you need to avoid:
- Don't assume her feelings are the same as yours. She may feel completely different, or she may still be confused.
- If she isn't willing to talk to you, don't ask her friends or other people who know her for information. Your relationship - and the breakup that followed it - is a private affair that you shouldn't share with anyone.
- Listen to her when she tells you what she wants or tells you what she needs. If he asks you for space, give it to him. He may need to reflect or look at things from a new perspective.
Part 2 of 4: Get it back
Step 1. Get comfortable together again
To do this, you need time and effort. It will be difficult for you to be patient if you have feelings for her, because you will want nothing more than to talk to her and be with her. Try not to rush, making sure she has time to get used to your company again.
- In the beginning, just look her in the eye and smile, showing her that you are okay and that you don't resent her.
- Send her a private message on important days (like birthdays), letting her know you thought of her. Make sure these communications are sporadic, short, and lightly written.
- When you talk, find a topic that interests both of you. Don't reveal too many personal details and keep the conversation fun and tension-free.
- Respect your new partner and consider that in order to feel comfortable together, you will need to accept their new relationship.
Step 2. Rebuild trust between you
Due to the reasons that led to the separation, the trust between the two of you may be at an all-time low. If she broke up with you, you'll need to make sure she won't hurt you a second time. Conversely, if it was you who hurt her, she will have to regain confidence in you. Regardless of the past, with the time and commitment of both, it is always possible to rebuild a relationship of trust.
- Become a trustworthy person. Listen to your inner voice and let it guide you towards the right and healthiest path for you.
- Be honest with yourself and her. Lies and communication problems contribute to a loss of trust, so you need to avoid them.
- Be trustworthy and keep your word. If you tell your ex that you will be somewhere or that you will do something, don't let her down.
- Respect the pain you've both gone through or are still experiencing, respect her, her new relationship, yourself and your time.
- Don't be jealous of his new relationship. If you are rude to her current partner, you will show her that breaking up was the right choice.
Step 3. Apologize
When a romance ends, someone probably needs to apologize. By offering your apology you will demonstrate your growth and maturity as a person; you'll start off on the right foot to regain your ex's trust. If you can, ask for forgiveness in person. Make eye contact and mention specific incidents. Be prepared for the possibility that she won't accept your apology or reciprocate it.
- "I'm sorry for the way things ended between us."
- "I'm sorry for the way I behaved and the impact my actions have had on you."
- "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm trying to understand why I did what I did, but know I didn't mean to hurt you."
- "I know you're dating someone else and I don't expect anything from you, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."
Step 4. Try to be friends
As you try to regain mutual trust, you may be trying to become friends. This will give you the opportunity to be by her side when she needs help, to get to know her again and to remind her of the qualities that made her fall in love with you.
- Remind her of your fun and playful side by telling her a joke or making her laugh.
- Spend time together doing fun activities, like going for a coffee, or going to the movies with a group of mutual friends.
- If she has a particular passion or talent, show your interest in that area. For example, if she is very good at playing volleyball, ask her to teach you how to play.
- Try to be a positive and encouraging force in their life. Make a commitment to build a positive friendship for both of you and she may find that you are able to give her something that she lacks in her current relationship.
Step 5. Introduce a conversation about your relationship
This is a very important step and you should take it with caution. If your friendship is going well, as is your ex's new relationship, consider how to move forward. If you still want to try and win her back, talk to her without hiding your intentions.
- Conduct the conversation privately, as its content is only about the two of you.
- Give her some flowers and write her a note like: "Hey, do you want to see us later? I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I know things went badly between us. Can we talk about it?".
- Write her a short note with the words, "I know you are dating another person, but there are things you should know. Can we meet and talk about it?"
- Ask her to speak in person. "I want to talk to you about something, but I really prefer to do it in private. When do you have a moment to meet us?".
Step 6. Speak truthfully
Take the time you need and choose a place where both of you will feel comfortable. When you talk to her, make eye contact and keep your body language open, only speaking sincere words. You have been working for this moment for a long time, so be sure of yourself and true to yourself.
- Focus on you. Let her know your thoughts and tell her what you learned after your breakup.
- Show her that you have changed. If you've found things out about yourself, it's time to point them out.
- Tell her what she did for you. You will make her happy by explaining that you feel a better person thanks to her and that only she has the power to make you feel peaceful and happy.
- Confess that you still have feelings for her and tell her that you would like to get back with her.
- Tell her that you respect the fact that you are dating another person, but that you had to make an attempt to be at peace with yourself.
- Thank her for listening to you and let her know she doesn't have to answer right away. As difficult as it may be, you need to give her time to reflect on what you just said.
Part 3 of 4: Making Your Relationship More Solid
Step 1. Make the necessary changes
If the conversation is going well and you get back together, do whatever it takes to correct past mistakes. Decide what you would like to change. Identify specific problems and find a solution to each of them.
- If she doesn't feel appreciated, do something nice for her without expecting anything in return, just because you love her.
- If you were always at home and never did anything fun, organize outings and exciting activities to do together.
- If you were having communication problems, be sure to let her know how you feel about her. Explain how much you missed her.
Step 2. Talk to her
In the new relationship, always try to communicate effectively. In the beginning, agree on common goals and the direction you want to give your relationship. Make the decision to discuss issues and establish an action plan for when things don't go well. Tell each other that you are ready to leave the past behind and make your love story work.
Remember that by returning with you, she broke up with her partner. You must be willing to listen to what he has to say on this subject if necessary
Step 3. Live your life
Your lives have probably been very intertwined lately. To have a successful relationship, it is important to maintain your identity. Make sure you have a chance to be yourself in your new relationship. Give her time to go out with friends and ask her to do the same with you. If you wish, indulge in your hobbies and interests together, but remember that there is nothing wrong with doing it yourself. Gain more confidence and confidence in yourself and in your relationship.
Part 4 of 4: Move on
Step 1. Deal with separation
You may not be able to get your ex back and you will have to accept that it's really over between you. Trust that you did everything you could, that you followed your heart, but that it probably wasn't meant to be. Begin to leave the relationship behind so that you can move on with your life.
- Keep in mind that you will face many different emotions and that it is perfectly normal for you to feel anxious, sad, angry and confused at the same time.
- Spend time with friends and tell them how you feel. They probably understand what you are feeling and can help you move forward.
- Take care of your body. Make sure you eat enough, get enough sleep, get some physical activity (take at least a walk every day) and take care of your hygiene.
Step 2. Don't rush
It all takes time, especially to heal from a love wound. Give yourself all the time you need to mourn the relationship just ended and to reach a state of mind that allows you to move forward.
- Don't fight your feelings. Pretending that everything is fine will only prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to suffer.
- Remember that things will get better and that you will have a chance to fall in love again when you are ready.
- Do things that you enjoy. Activities you enjoy can improve your mood and boost your self-esteem.
Step 3. Take your distance
While you may wish to spend time with your ex and remain friends with her, it will be much easier for you to heal away from her. By attending her, you will never be able to forget your love story and what you have lost. Let her know that you need some time to be alone. If she asks you to remain friends, be honest with her if you don't think there may be this possibility in the future.
Avoid your ex on social networks, because what you see will only make you angry and prolong your suffering
Step 4. Get back in the game
When you feel ready, try looking for a new partner. Romantic relationships can be difficult and painful, but they're also wonderful. Don't hide and remember that you have a lot to offer to someone special just waiting to meet you!
Warnings
- Don't waste time trying to break up your ex or sabotage their new relationship. If you can make her current partner look bad, she will have an even worse impression of you. Focus only on the two of you and not on the third wheel.
- Don't change too much. To win back your ex, you may find that you have changed some attitudes. Accept all the good news, but don't get obsessed with getting back with her to the point of losing your true identity.
