It is not uncommon for regrets to arise after a separation. It often happens that you want to ask your ex to meet again to try to rebuild the relationship. It is not easy to convince the other person, as breakups are always accompanied by strong emotions and can lead people to ignore each other. If you decide to ask your ex out, make sure you go slow and don't bring up negative memories.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Reopening Your Relationship With Your Ex
Step 1. Give her some space
After the breakup, you both undoubtedly need time alone to work through the breakup and recover emotionally. Even if you decide after a day that you want to go back with her, leave her at least a month or two before you reunite.
- If you like, use this time to meet other people and even hang out with them. As you meet new people, you may find that interest in your ex wanes over time.
- By spending some time apart, you can see your relationship from a better perspective and learn to appreciate yourself more.
Step 2. Start with a message
If after a couple of months you still want to get back with your ex, go easy by sending her a short friendly message. This is a good way to tell if she's interested in talking to you. It's still too early to flirt and it's certainly too early to make sexual references. Write a short, concise message, such as:
- "I just passed the bakery where we were buying bread together and it occurred to me. I hope you are well."
- "I heard our song on the radio and thought back to the good times we had together. I hope everything goes well for you."
Step 3. Call your ex to have a chat
If she replies to you and you have a conversation via text message for a while, you can step forward and call her. Talk about light topics; don't mention separation or your plans to get back together. If you did, you could alarm her and convince her to decline a meeting.
This lets her know that you are willing to commit, that you care about bonding with her again, and that you aren't just trying to get her to bed
Part 2 of 3: Spending Time Together
Step 1. Ask your ex to meet you
If he talks to you on the phone, that's a good sign. During the conversation, ask her if she'd like to meet you for a short, undemanding activity. For example, you could tell her that you want to visit an art gallery, go to the vegetable market, etc.
- You can say, "I heard that there are new photographs on display at the museum. I would like to go there and it shouldn't take more than an hour. Would you like to accompany me?".
- If your ex accepts the invitation and the meeting goes well, ask her to participate in such a light and fun activity. This way you will be able to understand if she too is interested in rebuilding your relationship.
Step 2. Confess to your ex that you miss her
No doubt she will be curious as to why you came back. Answer her sincerely. You can even be a little romantic, although your ex may not be interested until she realizes you really want to get back with her. You can tell her:
- "After spending the last few months apart, I realized how much I miss you."
- "After our separation I reflected on my feelings and I realized that I am not happy if you are not in my life".
Step 3. Tell your ex that you still have feelings for her
This is a sensitive subject and you shouldn't address it on a first date; wait for the second or third meeting before confessing to her how you feel. It's best to do it honestly and openly - tell her that you still have feelings for her and that you'd like to get back together.
- Rebuilding your relationship with your ex and getting back to her can take time. Don't expect him to immediately agree to pick up the relationship where you left off.
- She may still be mad at you or even have forgotten you.
Step 4. Respect your ex's feelings
Once your romantic intentions are explained, she could tell you clearly that she doesn't care about getting back with you and that she doesn't feel anything anymore. In this case, respect his wishes and abandon your plan.
- A final appeal may be appropriate. Try something like this: "I'm not asking you to get back together right away. I just want one more chance to show you how much I care about you."
- If she still declines your proposal, turn the page and leave her the space she wants.
Part 3 of 3: Managing Past Emotions
Step 1. Apologize for past mistakes
If it was you who ended the relationship or if you said things that hurt your ex, you need to explicitly apologize. Don't try to go around the problem that led to the separation. Admit your mistakes and take responsibility for the actions that offended or hurt your ex.
Likewise, you must forgive your ex for the emotional pain she caused you. If you renew your bond with her, but still feel resentment or bitterness, your relationship will fail again
Step 2. Avoid recalling painful details from the past
Even if you have to discuss and somehow resolve the problems that led to the previous separation, there is no reason to relive all the more painful details. Focus on your ex's positive elements and express them throughout the conversation. For example, you can say:
- "The other night I was out with my friends and I started thinking about how funny you are and how our sense of humor is similar."
- It may be helpful for you to reflect a little on stressful events and painful details from the past. Over time, negative emotions will lose their intensity and you will be able to gain a better perspective on the contribution both of you have had in coming to the separation.
Step 3. Be discreet about what happened after the breakup
In the best case, you will get back together as if nothing has happened. However, your ex may become unhappy or jealous upon hearing stories of your single adventures. For example, don't give her unnecessary details about people you've dated.
Looking back can make the new relationship end just like the old one
Step 4. Try couples therapy
An objective professional, such as a psychologist, can help you improve your chances of developing a successful relationship in the future. It will help you overcome the difficult problems of the past and communicate more effectively. It can also give you support, so that you don't fall back into the old habits that led to the breakup of the previous relationship.
Step 5. Go ahead, focusing on the present
If your ex agrees to resume the relationship, you start creating new memories, doing new activities together, and rebuilding your emotional bond. You may be tempted to reopen old disagreements too, but don't give in to that temptation.
