The word "stoic" is often used to describe people who show very little of their emotions or who don't talk much. Although this is the meaning that is generally attributed to it, in reality Stoicism was a philosophy followed by several ancient Greek and Roman thinkers, whose aim was to make people happier by teaching them to control their negative emotions. Whether you simply want to learn to be stoic in the modern sense, or embrace the ancient philosophy and chase the sadness out of your life, read this article for some great advice.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Part One: Absorb Modern Stoicism
Step 1. Internalize your emotions
Keep what you feel to yourself and don't let it emerge on the outside. Allow yourself to feel, but don't show it. Keep the experience of your emotions limited to your inner self.
This exercise will take practice. You can see emotional movies or TV shows if you want to practice in order to hold back your emotions. Try watching the episodes of the US TV show “What Would You Do” on YouTube
Step 2. Keep your reactions to a minimum
When something happens that triggers an emotional reaction inside you, react as little as possible physically. Check your facial expressions and do not cry or be visibly angry.
Try to think of something else if you can. If you're struggling with your feelings, sing a song in your mind to manually focus on something else
Step 3. Limit your verbal responses as well
When asked a question, answer as little as possible. If you are feeling emotional, don't explain to others what you think or feel, and don't say something that could betray you.
Step 4. Generally speaking, very little
In fact, you have to limit yourself in your verbal expressions. This will ensure that you look more stoic, but it will also help you practice for times as you try to minimize your emotional response.
Step 5. Do not pass on information of your own free will
Just as you should answer questions as little as possible, you shouldn't be telling around about your thoughts or feelings.
Step 6. Never complain
Protesting instantly lets inner emotions, such as anger or sadness, leak out, so avoid it. Instead of expressing dissatisfaction with the things that are bothering you, take matters into your own hands and solve the problem yourself.
Step 7. Express your emotions when you are alone
To bottle up feelings and not face them, because that is what the methods listed so far can lead to, is unhealthy. Make sure you find a healthy way to express your emotions once you have your privacy. You can scream or cry while clutching a pillow, write your feelings and thoughts in a journal, or do anything else that makes you feel better.
Method 2 of 3: Part Two: Embrace the Traditional Stoic Philosophy
Step 1. Give importance to logic
The idea behind Stoicism is that our negative emotions can lead us to make bad decisions and generally make our lives worse. Since emotions are often illogical responses, this philosophy aspires to solve inner problems by applying logic to various situations. Try this method in everyday life and practice for when you find yourself faced with situations with a high emotional impact.
Step 2. Examine your dislikes
You may think that living in a certain way or doing certain things is less correct than in another lifestyle, but seeing it with these eyes can lead you to have a lot of negative emotions when life doesn't go according to plan or people won't be right. agreement with you. Consider your basics and consider other ways to examine these situations. This will facilitate the task of overcoming the problems.
Step 3. Minimize negative emotions
To be more precise, the purpose of Stoicism is not to minimize all emotions, but to act in this way with negative ones. This philosophy serves to live easier by reducing the impact of emotions such as sadness, anger, fear and envy. Doing so should be your main focus as a budding stoic.
Step 4. Encourage positive emotions
While minimizing your experience of negative emotions, you should perform the exercise of allowing yourself to be happy, and encouraging yourself to be happy. Depressing or warding off thoughts of joy can almost become a habit for some people; breaking this habit should be another goal if you notice this trait in yourself.
Step 5. Review your priorities
Humans tend to always want the best alternative. As great as the things we have, we will always nitpick. Stoicism's attempt is to re-train the brain so that we learn to be happier with what we already have.
Step 6. Find the beauty and wonder in the world
Part of learning to be happy with what we have is learning to find happiness in the world around us. Sometimes we can be exhausted (and, of course, we are in an age that doesn't make things easier), but, if you stop and realize that the world around you is so incredible, you will find yourself appreciating more life. Take a break and welcome the moment with open arms. Let the surprises and wonders fill you.
- Think about what we are about to tell you. You have a phone the same size as your hand that you can take anywhere and that gives you the ability to call anyone in the world. This is great. Live in a science fiction novel!
- The natural world is also incredible. Did you know that there are trees taller than the Statue of Liberty or Big Ben? Incredible!
Step 7. Avoid permanence
As we bond with things, people or situations, we tend to be more prone to emotional swings when we lose them. Stoic philosophy teaches us to be open and accept change, giving up the sense of permanence, which can cause devastation when you have a loss.
Step 8. Read books on Stoic philosophers
Learn about Stoicism by reading the texts of those who contributed to this philosophy, if you want to fully embrace it. Stoicism, which was practically a religion in antiquity, was highly respected and widely practiced by people of the upper and educated social classes, making the things that were written about it widely accessible and very interesting. Some famous historical figures, such as Cicero and Marcus Aurelius, were devoted stoics and wrote extensively about what they believed. Check it out!
Method 3 of 3: Part Three: Applying Stoicism in Your Life
Step 1. Release your anger
When you find yourself getting mad at something that's happening around you, stop. Thinks. Will getting angry will improve the situation? No. Your emotional reaction will make little difference to the matter. Rather, your actions will make the changes you want to see real. When things irritate you, try to figure out what needs to be done to fix the problem and take immediate action.
Step 2. Experience life through the eyes of others
If a person irritates or hinders you, try to see the problem from their point of view. Understand that we all make mistakes. People rarely do something out of pure meanness or to cause trouble. They generally think they are doing the right thing. Try to understand why she made this mistake and forgive her, then move on to making everything better.
Step 3. Allow yourself to feel sad
Don't try to push sadness out of your life. Don't tangle your feelings and then don't deal with them. This is not healthy at all. Instead, hear it and quickly turn the page. You can be sad for a few days and then come back to your life. No matter what caused this emotion, keeping your distance from happiness will not improve your life, it will only make it worse.
Step 4. Try to imagine the loss
This is called negative visualization. It is a common formative exercise and daily practice for the Stoics. It consists of imagining your life without something very important to you. Maybe you imagine losing your job, getting divorced from your partner, or having your child kidnapped. Thinking about it can be upsetting and is definitely not fun to do, but it will significantly increase your appreciation of the good in your existence; you will learn how to cope with losses by preparing for this eventuality.
Step 5. Try to walk away from a situation
This is, instead, the projective visualization. It's another practice exercise. Less effective than the former, it can be more helpful when you are actively coping with something that alters you. The idea here is to imagine that the negative situation you are in is happening to someone else. What would you recommend to this person? How would your opinion on the matter change? Usually, when something bad happens to someone else, we express our displeasure to this person, adding that sometimes these things just happen. And this is the truth in such situations: things can happen that we cannot control and letting ourselves be disrupted will not solve a thing. Apply these ideas to your situation and it may help you get better.
Step 6. Live in the moment
Savor what you are doing right now, just as you are doing it. As stated earlier, the human tendency is to always feel a little bit of unhappiness no matter what you do, but you should fight this feeling to appreciate the situation you are currently in. This is an area where negative visualization can be used successfully. Just remember that the world is an incredible place, and as much as things seem to go wrong, there are still waterfalls, brightly colored birds, children singing songs and people who love you.
Step 7. Accept and expect change
The Stoics struggle against permanence, against the idea that things must be or are always the same as themselves. What we need to remember is that change is good. When the things we love come to an end, it can be difficult to accept, but try not to forget that the end of a good thing only opens you up to various possibilities for other positive things that will come into your life. When something bad happens to you and you feel like you will never get out of it, it is still important to keep in mind that this is not the case.
It is at this moment that the common Stoic mantra, as popularized by Joseph Campbell, comes to our aid: "This too will pass away." All you have to do is repeat this sentence until you feel better
Step 8. Appreciate what you have
The most important application of Stoicism in your life is to enjoy what you have while you have it. Don't complain if your girlfriend snores, your child cries, or the dog wants to play too much. These are the things you would miss if you didn't have them. Appreciate them and tell these people that you love them at all times possible.
Advice
- Trust someone worthy of your trust. Sometimes keeping it all inside will become unbearable. Try to have someone in your life that you can fully rely on and that you can trust everything. Without this type of outburst, you risk becoming cold, paranoid, or emotionless.
- Breath deeply. Oxygen will help you relax, and this will help you be stoic.
- Move and talk as little as possible. Do everything as if you were lazy, but always maintain good posture.
- It's true that models are told to be stoic, but just taking on a look similar to theirs doesn't make you more attractive. The models are supposed to be moving mannequins and the stoic gaze is a traditional part of their character. That said, a stoic look will add an extra touch of charm to ultra-feminine girls and a powerful air to men.
- Don't obviously appear satisfied with your aura of mystery, and don't try too hard to be stoic. People should view this trait as a part of your true character, of who you are deep inside, not consider it a role you are trying to play. If you give this last impression, you will not be considered mysterious, just immature.
- Lower your defenses at least a little bit towards those you really trust.
Warnings
- Being stoic shouldn't be synonymous with being rude or tactless towards others. Don't blatantly ignore people or dismiss their questions; While it's okay to make it clear that there are topics you won't discuss, avoid being obnoxious about them or if they ask you for information they might find on Google.
- Avoid being incomprehensible. This will make others shake their heads and they will consider you a lost cause, and maybe even a little rude.
