Have you always wanted to be cool, a guy who always seems to know the right thing to do? Or do you aspire to be a girl who faces her life with grace and lightheartedness? If you think about all the people you think are cool, you will discover how they all have many characteristics in common: they believe in themselves, they are unique, easy-going and always available to everyone. There is no reason why you can't be like them, just as there is no specific universal definition of what exactly it means to be cool. There are however some guidelines on how to get started.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Be Cool
Step 1. Do not seek the attention of others
Remember, cool people never desperately need others, so always try to solve your problems on your own. If you manage to be independent, others will spontaneously offer to help you, or maybe they will ask you for a hand. This quality attracts people. Dependence on others is not good unless you are really in a difficult situation. This doesn't mean that you have to show yourself invincible, just don't beg for someone else's help, don't act like it's impossible for you to be alone, and don't expect others to solve your problems.
- Friendships are great, but don't act like spending a Friday night alone could mean dying. Spending time alone with yourself is great.
- If someone hasn't called you back, leave them alone. There is no need to keep looking for it by sending annoying messages. Give others their space, they will respect you more.
Step 2. Try to be yourself
It will be something that will serve as an inspiration for others. You are unique and you don't need to be part of a clique. Try to always have your friendships. Being cool means being "yourself" in a carefree way, even if you are the quiet type, but not grumpy and passive / aggressive. Don't try to be like another person by copying their moves or actions; Although sometimes it may not be wrong, the repetition of a behavior that is not yours will end up making you appear false because it is distant from your true personality. So don't try to be who you are not. Live life as you are. Don't lose sight of who you are and your morality. Being cool is not about changing your personality, but rather about having confidence in yourself and letting others notice how great you really are.
- If you don't allow people to see the real you, what's the point? The coolest thing of all is being able to be yourself and make others like you for it.
- Recognize your personality. Your bad habits, your good ones, your looks, your voice… everything that belongs to you. Acknowledge this and don't apologize to anyone for what's part of you, even if it's something negative or something you don't like about yourself. Remember that we are all human and that we try to accept each other despite our flaws and qualities, so why not accept yourself as you are the most important person in the world to you?
- Write a list of all your goals. Essentially, what makes you cool is your identity. Try to spot your talents, in sports, in music, in art, anywhere. People will notice your passion and will respect you for it. In doing so you will also be able to learn new skills and meet new people.
Step 3. Never stop rediscovering yourself
The more you do it, the more you will be able to understand yourself. Rediscovering oneself is the ability, both conscious and subconscious, to be open to others. This could also include sharing thoughts, emotions, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, dreams, or maybe just what you like or dislike and your preferences.
Opening up to others happens slowly. Don't share your personal life details with the first one that comes along, or things will soon fall apart
Step 4. Try to be friendly, but don't overdo it with enthusiasm
A carefree person is loved by everyone, but no one likes it if someone shows excessive arousal, in fact such behavior is more likely to be rather annoying. Try not to care about people. Smile and talk to everyone, but make sure you know the difference between being friendly and being obsessive. When you meet someone new, don't rush, even if you think you can build a very important bond.
- If you are too eager to date someone you have just met, you may appear to be deprived of any other friend.
- You can give friendly compliments, but avoid showering others with attention by praising them for half an hour.
Step 5. Try to be a good conversationalist
Everyone loves a person who always knows what to say at the right time. Don't dominate the conversation. It is not necessary to repeat the same story in all discussions. Simply listen to others and briefly comment on what your interlocutor is saying to you. Often it is much better to keep quiet and assimilate the conversation, appreciate the humor of your friends and be a good listener.
- Be a good listener. Remember the golden rule: always try to make others feel important and do it in a sincere and genuine way. Listening to people not only makes them feel important, you improve your listening skills and your ability to concentrate.
- Most of the time people like to talk about themselves. Having the focus of the conversation revolve more around others than yourself will result in people enjoying talking to you very much. So wait for the right moment to make a comment, usually with a good result. In any case, if you find yourself with a rather "silent" group of people, you better have a Tony Stark approach.
- Be jovial! Joke with them. Making fun of people is okay, but always make sure you are not overstepping certain boundaries, and most importantly, that the people around you know that you are only joking.
Step 6. Refrain from using too many slang expressions
It may make you seem "fake" or unable to speak correctly. Speak normally, with clarity and confidence and, if you deem it necessary, give a more formal tone to the conversation with the use of a more refined vocabulary. Obviously, in moderation, otherwise you run the risk of appearing pedantic, which is as annoying as looking "fake".
Finding the right balance in the use of words is important to make you appear intelligent and in some way sophisticated in the presence of your peers
Step 7. Use humor
Cool people always use humor and lightheartedness in any situation. They never get bothered, they manage not to get angry and although bad things may happen to them they do not let themselves be discouraged; they are capable of joking about it. They are perfectly able to recognize their emotions and are not influenced by negative ones since they have the ability to be able to understand them and above all control them.
- Learn not to take yourself too seriously. Being "cool" does not mean being perfect, but rather having the ability to be able to laugh at yourself in your moments of awkwardness or discomfort. Not only will people respect you for it, but they will also appreciate your being "human", just like they do.
- You can be cool and you can be cool too. People who are too much take themselves too seriously to laugh at an undoubtedly silly but very funny joke. Don't turn yourself into one of those people.
Step 8. Don't be afraid to talk
Observe people who are already “cool”: they generally speak confidently and clearly and firmly. They don't mumble words quickly, they don't pause, they don't even use words like "uh", "uhm". They say what they think, and they think what they say. Believe in your world and don't let anyone try to change it. If when you express your opinion, people disagree, don't worry.
Just say what you feel and you will be respected, '' 'unless' '' you do it consciously to offend someone. However, make it count. Don't waste your breath just because you want to be heard. Make sure it's relevant, and be prepared to support your opinions in a healthy and constructive way
Step 9. Stay "cool"
The basic meaning of cool is to be calm, composed, to know how to control oneself, not to get excited, to be able to remain indifferent and to be socially capable. Often a cool person is the one who doesn't get excited about anything, who doesn't need to talk all the time, unless he has something to say that is superlatively relevant. Learn to deal with people. Avoid getting angry or frustrated. Being cool is natural, it's not difficult. Believe in yourself.
- In fact, more often than not trying too hard to be is counterproductive. People like people who don't seem to try, but still manage to be successful. How can this be done? One of the secrets is just letting things take their course when you find yourself at a crossroads where you have to decide whether to make the effort or not try at all.
- Take a deep breath. Being cool means staying calm and relaxed in any kind of situation. Don't lose control. If you realize that you are on the verge of a crisis, that you are about to burst into tears, or maybe you are about to lose control, take a deep breath and take a moment to recover. Take it easy.
Step 10. Don't misbehave to get attention
There are many young people who adopt bad habits such as starting to smoke, drink or bully. Most often the cause is some kind of reverse gratification. That is, the person feels "rewarded" by receiving attention immediately after committing a bad deed. People use to say "I can't believe he is capable of such a thing!". It's easy to confuse attention with popularity, even if you get it by doing something wrong. If you want to be cool, you need to be able to recognize your limits.
- You should never confuse negative attention with being cool. In most cases, those who enjoy breaking the law and showing off dangerously do not fall into the category of cool people. If a group of people don't like you for who you are and for the lifestyle you have chosen, move on.
- Don't use drugs. Those who are really cool know exactly what to do without the need for the influence of drugs or alcohol.
- Smoking doesn't make a person cool, it just makes them stink. Other smokers won't notice it because they smell the same. If you are a smoker you will tend to hang out with other smokers, and this will limit the choice of a possible partner since non-smokers are bothered by the smell alone and therefore will not like your presence. Don't judge smokers; simply, do not take a vice that forces you to superhuman efforts to eliminate it.
- Never fight. When you are a cool person, arguing is out of the question. You know that getting the better of a fight doesn't make any sense. When you know you're right, you just know it. You don't need to waste time, effort, and energy trying to convince someone who hasn't had the same experiences as you.
Step 11. Don't think about it too much - if you have to do something, do it
It is fine to read many books or blogs that deal with how to improve, but it is also necessary to actually get involved and apply the theories that are most suitable for you. Just do it! It can be scary, but it is so fortifying. Who knows who you will ever meet and what they might be able to offer you (fun, intellectual stimuli, a ride on a pony, a job …).
- Be a person of action, not a person of ideas.
- Of course, thinking about things in advance is a good thing. But reflecting and then doing nothing will get you nowhere.
Method 2 of 3: Think Cool
Step 1. Remember that all people are of equal value
Even if in a group. Whether you are talking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy benefactors, a child, a stranger, the president of the United States, or an attractive person, just keep in mind that none of them are better or worse than you and they would therefore deserve the same treatment you would like for yourself. Respect others, but don't expect them to reciprocate.
- Whenever someone disrespects you, ignore them until they realize it. Not as if you didn't listen to him, but rather not giving importance to his comments during the conversation. There is always a reason why someone does not show respect towards you or does not do what you asked him to do.
- People may be rude to you because they're unhappy, or maybe they're having a moment of pain, or it's probably you who have disrespected or just never learned how to deal with people. In any case, always remember that there is a reason; it's up to you to find out which one if you're interested in having their respect.
Step 2. Understand that some will not understand it
While it's a great thing to surprise people with your witty jokes, it can sometimes happen that some of the people you meet don't understand them. They will look puzzled and ask you to explain what you thought was a clear reference to something that everyone could easily understand. It does not matter. The fascination of human beings lies precisely in the fact that everyone is so different.
Everyone has their own sense of humor, and this can vary a lot from one person to another. If you happen to get stunned looks as a result, use your good manners and apologize for it. Maybe the embarrassment created can become a story to smile about at a later time
Step 3. Trust your friends
There is a reason why they are around you. They may even be attracted to the very personality traits you think are your flaw. Let them decide instead of just presenting an incomplete version of yourself to the world. If you want to be cool, then you have to believe that the people around you genuinely appreciate you and that your relationship really matters.
Remember that it's not cool to hang out with people you think are only in the hopes of becoming one too by being close to them. Life works differently
Step 4. Don't be afraid of being different
Whether it means standing up for yourself, defending someone else, taking an interest in something not everyone does like playing an instrument, or trying not to be an ordinary person. The coolest people are those who occasionally go against the grain and make others re-evaluate the concept of the status quo. Sometimes it may happen that someone with insecurity issues may harbor feelings of jealousy towards you. This type of people will try to belittle you in an attempt to divert attention from you to focus on them.
The most important thing you can do is to be able to ignore them. Not like you didn't hear them, but just turning a deaf ear during the conversation naturally
Step 5. Be aware of yourself
There is a difference between letting the judgment of others influence your self-esteem, and having full awareness of what others think of you. What you are really doing is being aware of how you look from another person's perspective. In terms of physical appearance: pay attention to food that gets stuck in your teeth, bad breath, your body odor, toilet paper stuck to your shoes, etc. In terms of behavior: smile, always be composed both standing and sitting (makes you look more confident), always be polite and courteous etc.
- Always pay attention to your body language: being able to analyze what you convey with your body can be a useful tool to always know how to introduce yourself.
- Knowing what you convey at school, a football game, or a party can help you understand what others think about you, and change your behaviors accordingly. This doesn't mean you have to change who you are, but when you are at a party, it's good to notice if you're completely dominating a conversation and boring those in attendance so you can take a step back.
Step 6. Relax
Seriously. Repeating to yourself that you are unable to socialize with others creates anxieties that will continue to haunt your mind every time you talk to someone. As a result you will tend to focus on these anxieties, and everything will become a vicious circle from which you will really struggle to get out. If you are always nervous about what can go wrong in a social situation, you end up not being able to appreciate things that go right.
- When you are nervous or anxious, other people notice it, and they tend to feed off your nervous energy, further increasing your anxiety. Stay calm instead, and let people feel that they feel calmer in your presence, they will be attracted to you.
- From time to time, it is acceptable to go on a rampage with a friend if necessary. But don't get the reputation of someone who tends to lose his temper all the time.
Method 3 of 3: Appearing Cool
Step 1. Always present yourself positively
Walk with the correct posture and look people in the eye. If you stumble or keep staring at the floor, no one will respect you. You need to give the impression that you are a person who takes care of themselves to receive the respect you desire. Also avoid walking too fast as you seem to be running away.
You smile. Make it a habit, try to always be smiling in a genuine way. Every time you smile when you meet someone you instantly give the impression of being a confident, friendly and relaxed person. Those who manage to convey these characteristics are much more attractive than those who are more introverted
Step 2. Keep fit
Being fit will boost your self-esteem and allow you to see the world in a more positive light. This doesn't mean that to be cool you need to have perfect abs, but that taking care of your body is definitely cool. Try to exercise consistently, go to the gym, or play a sport and keep yourself in good shape. Plus, feed yourself healthily. Having the energy you need to get involved in many things is not taken for granted, so train yourself to develop it. By working hard you will see the desired results.
Always do your best, but don't judge yourself too harshly and don't give too much importance to the judgment of others. People have a million ways to annoy you. Learn to spot them and be immune to them. Be happy with who you are and do whatever you like to do
Step 3. Take care of your personal hygiene
Make sure you brush your teeth every day, morning and evening. And when you can even after lunch. Use perfume (if you are a girl) but in moderate amounts; use "just a drop" of cologne (if you are a boy). Absolutely important to take a shower daily and use a deodorant if desired. It is advisable to use a moisturizing oil as well so that your skin does not look pale. It's a good idea to always have cocoa butter on hand. Also, you should wash your face every morning to keep it clean and free from pimples.
To be cool, you don't have to spend hours on your look every day. But beware, 20-30 minutes a day spent showering and settling down won't kill you
Step 4. Project confidence in your body language
If you want to look cool, make sure your body constantly projects self-confidence. When talking to someone, make eye contact, use hand gestures, and sit or stand with correct posture. Smile, even if you feel a little nervous, don't wave your hands constantly and don't look at the floor, otherwise it will seem that you don't believe what you are saying.
Step 5. Find your personal style
As long as it lets your personality shine through, you can wear whatever you want. It is known that people get engaged despite sweating excessively or being disproportionately clumsy, because each of us has a different perception of what is cool. It is certainly a statement of style.
To be cool it is not necessary to follow trends; the important thing is that you are able to look comfortable and happy in what you wear
Advice
- If you have a negative attitude, change it. Being cool means positivity. Nobody likes a negative person. People will enjoy your company when they have the opportunity to get to know you and will realize that you always look on the bright side of things even when they go wrong.
- Get involved. Do something. Join a club. Anything. The less time you spend indoors, the more opportunities you will find to socialize and have fun.
- Show to others that you care about their judgment is just what separates a cool person from the rest, so consider it an opportunity to work on people's perception of you. Remember that what you are deep inside is not determined by others, especially those who don't know you. Be happy with yourself, since there is nothing wrong with who you really are.
- Find ways to love what you learn. The coolest people do a lot of really cool things.
- Learn to read people and be careful when expressing an opinion. Understand that when you say anything or give someone advice, it remains your opinion. Others can both accept and reject, and you don't need to persuade them. Just make sure you know what you're talking about.
- Don't just wait for someone to ask you out. They are doing the same. Invite them yourself and be ready. Avoid them approaching you and you can't find something to do, or they might not come back.
- Do not be shy. But in the same way, don't be boisterous. Stay calm and be yourself. Be sociable. Go out, have fun and meet new people.
- Remember to stay calm and composed. This means not being overly enthusiastic, annoyingly loud or clingy.
- Respect others. If you feel that others are wrong, avoid arguing or bullying. Everyone has the right to have their own opinions regardless of how far they differ from yours.
- Being vain to the point of being narcissistic isn't cool at all. Personal magnetism is often based on humility and acceptance, appreciation, mutual enthusiasm or passion for a musical genre, a shared belief (such as a faith), self-denial or charismatic leadership.
- Leather jackets are also a must.
Warnings
- Always stand up for others, and don't be overbearing. Being cool means pleasing everyone, even those who are not as esteemed as you are.
- Don't base your personality on belittling that of others. Doing so would only create more enemies than friends. People don't tend to like bullies. They may fear you, but you will never have their respect.
- Some people's influence may not be good for you. You can be cool even if you are not part of the most popular bands.
