You most likely know at least one person who is able to draw attention to himself as soon as he enters a room. People of this type generally have a lot of charisma, a quality that makes them charming in the eyes of others. Fortunately, you can learn to be more charismatic. First you have to try to gain more self-confidence and you have to learn to make others feel special. The next step is to improve your verbal and non-verbal communication.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Gaining Self Confidence
Step 1. Focus on the things you love about yourself
Seeing that you have self-esteem, others will instinctively be inclined to do the same. Learning to like yourself is not easy, but it is essential to recognize that you have strengths, talents and qualities that make you special. Bringing out your positive traits can help you put your insecurities aside.
- Make a list of your positive qualities, talents and goals you have achieved so far. You can also ask people who love you to find out what aspects they love most about you.
- Emphasize the qualities you love about yourself. For example, you could enhance your gorgeous eyes by learning how to make a perfect cat-eye or choose clothes that highlight your toned legs.
Step 2. Adopt a positive mindset
Positivity attracts people who will therefore want to be in your company. Be optimistic by looking for the bright side of any situation and always be ready to offer your support to others. Start viewing challenges and obstacles as opportunities rather than nuisances. Adopt the following behaviors to show yourself more positive:
- Counter negative thoughts with positive internal dialogue. When an unfavorable thought occurs, such as "I could fail", cancel it with a positive affirmation such as "This is an opportunity to learn and grow."
- Surround yourself with positive people to maintain a constructive attitude;
- Boost the good mood hormone with laughter. Watch funny movies, tell jokes or witty stories. Laughing every day will help you feel more upbeat and positive.
- Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all the small and big blessings you can be grateful for;
- Work on the aspects of your life that you don't like. When you happen to feel sad or upset, remind yourself of the progress you have made so far.
Step 3. Make an impression with the clothes
Your clothes tell the relationship you have with yourself and generate an opinion in the minds of others. Also, often the clothing you wear can determine how you feel. Choose clothes that can make you feel your best and convey the right image you want to give to others.
- Choose models, colors and patterns that suit you;
- Don't just follow fashion. By wearing something you don't like you will end up feeling uncomfortable and that feeling of discomfort will inevitably be perceived by others as well.
Step 4. Think back to your goals to give yourself the boost
When you think about your goals, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin that makes you feel better about yourself. In times when you feel insecure, a burst of oxytocin can be what it takes to quickly regain confidence. Before taking part in an event, pause to reflect on your past successes.
You could keep photos of your top three hits in an album on your mobile. Scroll through them just before entering a party or meeting
Step 5. Take a theater improvisation course to feel more confident in public
You will learn to feel more comfortable in front of others and to think effectively to make decisions quickly. Taking a theater improvisation class can help you get rid of fears and insecurities. You will be able to count on the help of capable people and you will find that it is also a lot of fun.
You can easily find a theater improvisation course via an online search. Also visit sites like www.meetup.com and search Facebook groups
Part 2 of 4: Making Others Feel Special
Step 1. Pay no attention to your electronic devices while interacting with others
If you use your phone while someone is talking to you, you make them feel unimportant. Mute notifications and keep it in your pocket or purse. The same goes of course also for smartwatches and all other devices. Give your full attention to the people around you.
Plan for times to check your phone. For example, apologize from time to time and go to the bathroom to check if you've received any messages
Step 2. Listen actively when others tell you about themselves
Focus on what they are saying instead of distracting yourself by thinking about what you might respond to. Give nods as people talk, and from time to time add short positive exclamations, such as "Wow" or "Interesting", to show that you are listening.
- Ask open-ended questions (with more than just a yes or no answer) to keep the conversation going. Listen to the answers with genuine interest.
- Paraphrase the words of others to show that you are listening.
Step 3. Give sincere compliments
Telling people what you like or appreciate about them will make them feel important. Be specific about the quality you are praising to make the compliment more meaningful. For example, you could say "You spoke very eloquently during yesterday's presentation" rather than simply commenting on "Nice presentation".
- By praising people for their looks, you have the opportunity to make them feel better about themselves and they are likely to like you more in turn. But be careful because in some environments this kind of compliment can be out of place, for example in the workplace.
- To encourage and motivate colleagues, you can praise their work, achievements and talent.
Step 4. Remember people's names
When someone shows up, repeat their name aloud to try to memorize it. Then say it again each time you talk to that person. Showing that you remember her name will make her feel special and show that you are interested in getting to know her better.
Repeating a person's name many times while speaking is the best way to fix them in the mind
Step 5. Show empathy towards others
Think about what people's past might be, try to consider the circumstances from their perspective. Put yourself in others' shoes for a chance to understand how they might feel. Show others that you care about their feelings by acknowledging them verbally and listening to their stories.
- Ask the people you meet how they feel and listen to the answer with genuine interest.
- Don't judge people if they react to situations differently than you would. Each individual has had different experiences that have determined their character.
- If you have had similar experiences, share them with your interlocutor.
Step 6. Talk about the difficulties you have faced and how you have overcome them
Use your life events to inspire others. In their eyes you will appear experienced and admirable while at the same time showing that you have worked hard to get to where you are.
Be careful not to complain about your problems and avoid listing all the adversities you have faced in life. Just share the stories that describe how you have overcome the difficulties
Part 3 of 4: Communicate Effectively
Step 1. Prepare some short speeches
It is normal to have difficulty speaking in public, but charismatic people know how to entertain anyone. Develop some conversation topics that you can draw on when needed. Use a mirror or a video camera to watch yourself talking about these themes trying to improve your exposure from time to time.
For example, you could develop conversation themes about the weather, your city, local sports teams, your favorite music genre, travel, or the current season
Step 2. Use humor to relate to others
You can tell funny jokes, witty stories or make self-mockery. You will put people at ease and make sure they feel good and have fun in your company.
- It measures the humor well, without overdoing it. Use it to spice up speeches and conversations.
- For example, you could kick off a presentation by telling a joke or entertaining guests with some witty story at a party.
Step 3. Take on the role of the storyteller
Stories attract people and make you appear more interesting. When you talk about yourself, do it through stories. Share your experiences, use an enthusiastic tone, gesticulate animatedly, and use facial expressions to entertain others.
An acting class can help you improve your storytelling skills. Charismatic actors and people use the same techniques to grab the audience's attention and arouse emotions. You can learn to use inflection and tones of voice, facial expressions and gestures to increase interest in your stories
Step 4. Promote your ideas without wavering
People don't like uncertainty, so you need to take a stand. Believe in your choices and what you have to say. Claim that you know what you are doing, even when you don't actually feel fully confident. You will always be able to review your decisions and take an alternative path if you realize you were wrong.
- Even if you have doubts, people will find you more charismatic if you act confident in your choices. Make the best possible decisions based on the information you have at the time. If you later find out that you have made a mistake, you can always make different choices.
- For example, you might say "I have full faith in this plan" instead of "This plan might work." The first statement shows that you believe in your ideas, while the second implies that you are not fully certain that your project will be successful.
Step 5. Express enthusiasm as you speak
People are attracted to those who can communicate passionately. Don't talk without thinking, just share the ideas you truly believe in. Be thrilled by your words and actions and invite others to share your excitement.
Compose your life around your passions, you will automatically be more engaging. If one thing doesn't excite you, do something else
Part 4 of 4: Using Body Language
Step 1. Look for eye contact
It's a way to attract people and show interest in them. Make eye contact when you meet them and maintain eye contact as you speak.
If you have a hard time looking people in the eye, practice with someone you are familiar with. Gradually increase the duration of eye contact with people you don't know well
Step 2. Lean towards your interlocutor as you speak
This is another effective way to show interest in what the other person has to say. You will focus all your attention on the other and show yourself involved in the present moment.
- Consciously remind yourself to lean forward, even when sitting.
- Do not lean back in your chair, or you will give the impression of being detached.
Step 3. Avoid standing with your arms folded so as not to send a closing signal
Instead, use body language to express openness. By keeping your arms relaxed at your sides, you can convey affability and confidence. Use the gestures of non-verbal communication in your favor:
Charismatic people are open, so try not to take closed positions that could alienate others
Step 4. Smile frequently as you speak
A smiling face is attractive. When you smile, your face lights up and you are perceived more positively. Practice in front of the mirror to look natural in conversation.
Don't smile when you talk about a sad or serious topic, it would be considered inappropriate
Step 5. Use gestures to attract people's attention and to expose your position
By animating the dialogue with gestures, you will attract the gazes of those around you. Gesture as you speak to broaden the message.
Look in the mirror or recover to improve your gestures
Step 6. Maintain good posture
Keep your back straight, chin up, and turn your shoulders back. Look straight ahead and be careful not to lean forward when walking or standing still.
Check your posture in the mirror. You can also try to recover from walking around a room to identify any details that need to be corrected
Step 7. Claim your personal space
It is your right, as it is for any other person. If you are forced to stand on the sidelines, you inevitably become less visible and will have a hard time being charismatic. Stand up and conquer the space you need.
It can be helpful to indulge in hobbies that encourage you to reclaim your personal space. For example by their nature martial arts are useful for increasing respect for others and for yourself and the ability to position yourself in space
Advice
- Join a Toastmasters Club to learn how to communicate more effectively and improve your leadership skills with the support of other like-minded people.
- You don't have to be confident to look confident. Adopt the Anglo-Saxon motto "Fake it till you make it" to increase your confidence.
- Get used to being honest, but polite. People will not feel attracted to you if you are afraid to share your thoughts and feelings.
- On social occasions, do not stay in the corner to act as wallpaper. Start or join a conversation.
