Generally, since childhood we develop good self-esteem thanks to the support of our parents. As life goes on, people's judgments, expectations and behaviors change the perception we have cultivated about ourselves since childhood. Those who have self-esteem believe they can put their talents to good use, offer their contribution to society and deserve a rewarding life. Hence, it is natural, essential and healthy to improve the value we place on ourselves.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Tidying Up Ideas
Step 1. Consider the importance of your attitude towards yourself
The way you perceive yourself, talk about yourself and describe yourself constitutes a real reality. If you get demoralized, underestimate yourself and belittle your abilities in front of others, you appear as a shy person, with low self-esteem, practically insignificant. There is a difference between humility and self-mortification.
On the other hand, if you tend to emphasize your every quality, skill and competence, you will seem like a self-centered and arrogant person. In this case, you are not overestimating your abilities, but you are trying to escape your insecurities. However, there is a middle ground: you just have to admit your worth, as you would anyone else, and acknowledge that you have respectable skills and ideas. It is not easy to believe in yourself, especially if you underestimate yourself for years, but it is always possible to change and learn to appreciate yourself
Step 2. Overcome the fear that prevents you from appreciating yourself
Self-love is often confused with narcissism, egotism and introversion in the most negative sense, probably because the word "love" is too often used to define numerous and different impulses of the affective sphere. Furthermore, many times people's confusion increases when it is contrasted with generosity, altruism and the spirit of self-denial. Although it is a noble sentiment, it can sometimes be overwhelming and exploited to belittle the fact of putting the needs and desires of others before one's own for fear of being considered selfish or interested only in oneself. Again, it's all about personal balance.
- If you want to love yourself, you have to learn how to become your best friend. You don't have to show off, singing your praises at the slightest opportunity because it would be a symptom of insecurity. You can take care of yourself by treating yourself with the same attention, tolerance, generosity and understanding that you would offer your best friend.
- Don't get obsessed with how others see you. It would be of no help in building your personality. Only you can find the right motivation to move forward.
Step 3. Trust your feelings
To improve your self-esteem, you need to learn to listen to your feelings and trust them rather than reacting impulsively. Once you have learned, you will be able to recognize unjust claims and react appropriately.
Self-esteem begins to falter when we allow others to decide for us. At first, being able to avoid tough choices may seem like the easy way out, but our self-esteem increases when we make our own decisions. Otherwise, we risk feeling imprisoned by the decisions of others. If these people were to suddenly disappear from our life, we would find ourselves alone and insecure
Step 4. Use introspection
We live in a society that has accustomed us to entrust someone else with the task of analyzing us. Here are some useful questions that allow you to directly observe your inner self:
- What experiences have I had? How did they affect my growth?
- What are my talents? (list at least five)
- What are my skills? Remember that talent is innate, while skills must be developed and constantly striving to perfect them.
- What are my strengths? Stop thinking about your weaknesses! You've probably done this for too long! Start focusing on your strengths, looking for a way to put them to good use in what you choose to do. To get to know them better, try the test on www.viacharacter.org.
- What do I want to do in life? Am I already doing what I want? Otherwise, why don't I start?
- Am I satisfied with my state of health? If not, why? What can I do to improve this situation?
- What makes me feel happy? Am I working on it or am I too busy satisfying other people's wishes?
- What is important to me?
Step 5. Stop being influenced by others
Self-esteem goes into crisis when we want to demonstrate at all costs that we live up to the expectations of others. Unfortunately, many people choose to live in this way, influencing their studies, career, the choice of where to live, the decision of how many children to have according to the expectations of parents, wives, husbands, friends and the cultural models instilled by them. mass media.
- Do not listen to people who regret the choices they have made during their life, because they often just try to take out their anguish and anger on others. They may give you useless advice, wrong details or just not give you any kind of information.
- People who have good self-esteem are happy to talk about their experiences and offer valuable suggestions, warning you of the pitfalls of life. Go in search of those who are able to guide you.
- Forget the opinion of people who have dealt a severe blow to your self-esteem. Whether it's your parents, your guardian, or classmates, their opinions don't determine who you are. If they have hurt you, prove to yourself that they are wrong so that you no longer believe their judgments.
Part 2 of 3: Have a Positive Self Image
Step 1. Tell yourself what you are worth
You should keep your feet on the ground and express positive thoughts aloud in order to improve self-esteem and revolutionize negative mental patterns developed over time. Take small breaks throughout the day to remind yourself that you are a wonderful, special, adorable, and appreciated person.
- It is one of the most effective methods that allows you to build self-confidence and convince yourself that you are as important as anyone else.
- Try to be specific. For example, instead of saying "I appreciate myself", you could try "I appreciate myself because I am an intelligent and understanding person."
Step 2. Prove yourself how much you are worth
The problem lies in believing that such encouragement works magic, is enough to improve one's self-esteem. The reality is slightly different because action must be taken to improve self-esteem. To achieve this, you must recognize and accept your responsibilities.
- Being responsible means realizing that you are in control of your attitude, your reactions and your self-esteem. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and this is the crux of the matter: if you allow people or circumstances to undermine your confidence, you will inevitably be damaged.
- Accept responsibility for your actions. React and take a stand. If someone tries to put a spoke in the wheel, find a way to resolve the situation.
Step 3. Gain self-confidence
By improving your self-esteem, you will learn to erect a more positive view of yourself. There are several strategies you can use to increase self-confidence, such as:
- Cast out negative thoughts. Whenever a negative thought crosses your mind, frame it in more positive terms. For example, if you think, "I will never pass this exam," try saying, "I will pass this exam if I study hard."
- Eliminate negativities from your environment. Surround yourself with people who can encourage and support you. Stay away from hostile and critical ones towards yourself and others.
- Be assertive. Assertiveness allows you to satisfy your needs and, consequently, to feel happier.
- Set goals. Make sure they are reachable and try to reward yourself when you make them.
- Seek support for your psychological well-being. A mental health professional, such as a psychotherapist, can help you build your self-esteem.
Step 4. Forgive yourself and others
Taking responsibility also means giving up the need to accuse others in order to cope with situations. By blaming people, you evade the possibility of analyzing yourself and correcting your behavior. This way, you risk not growing up and getting trapped in negative feelings or, even worse, feeling helpless. Blaming the outside means that someone or something has a power that you lack.
Don't blame your parents, politicians or neighbors. Their intervention probably complicated a particular situation, but don't exploit it by reducing your self-esteem. Don't turn yourself into a martyr. It is up to you to move on and become a strong and resolute person
Step 5. Develop your resilience
Resilient people are emotionally equipped to cope with life's challenges without breaking down. It is not a question of minimizing adversity and challenges, but of understanding the best way to react and manage them. You always have the choice between mortifying yourself or recognizing your worth by showing yourself firm and determined.
Focus your energy on what you need to do to change the situation. Realize that you are not the only one going through these difficulties and that you have all the credentials to find a solution
Step 6. Don't try to please everyone
When you stop winning the favor of others, what you really want will come out and you can start focusing on your happiness and self-esteem.
Express how you feel instead of repressing it. However, respect the feelings of others, without submitting to their will
Step 7. Don't miss out on opportunities
Opportunities come in many forms. Learning to recognize them and take advantage of them - however small they are - is an important step in improving your self-esteem.
- Turn obstacles into opportunities. Successful people tend to see challenges as opportunities to be exploited.
- Try looking at life's adversities as opportunities to grow and become stronger.
Step 8. Plan your expenses
Often, self-esteem is closely linked to the financial situation. Therefore, all the possibilities for economic growth must be carefully evaluated.
Pension funds, investments and savings are all tools that guarantee you a solid life, while economic independence will give you the opportunity to increase your self-esteem away from financial worries
Part 3 of 3: Understanding Your Worth
Step 1. Don't judge yourself based on the work you do and how much you earn
It is a sensitive subject for those who believe that their personal value is linked to earnings and professional prestige because we live in a society that tends to judge people based on what they do not who they are. If someone asks you what your job is and you answer "I'm just a …", it means that you have low self-esteem. Don't be reduced to your job and remember that you are a unique, precious, extraordinary and deserving person.
Step 2. Value your time
If you volunteer or do a poorly paid job that takes you most of your day away, forcing you to neglect important aspects of your life, such as finding a stable job, looking after the family and ensuring that you live a peaceful life, you are likely to c 'is a conflict in your scale of values.
- The first system of values is the one that pushes us to lend a hand or make our contribution to society by helping the most needy not only out of nobility of mind, but also to feel good about ourselves. The second value system is the one that rewards us for being aware of what we are worth and for the expectations we have in terms of gratification from contributing to society.
- These two competitive value systems create tension in many willing people who, while willing to offer their help, are hampered by lack of time, shortage of money and a sense of inadequacy.
- Over time, the following scenarios arise: illness, anger and renunciation, resentment for lost time, a continuous state of instability that not only compromises personal balance, but also offers a bad example to children, friends and closest people.. When you feel the need to belittle your talents and skills or give them for free or at reduced prices, take your time back and start to value yourself more.
Step 3. Find a balance between the time you set aside for others and what you should dedicate to yourself
Do you have the opportunity to be with friends and / or family more often? If you think so, remember that your well-being depends on how much time you dedicate to yourself and the people you love and how long you can take away from everyone else. By prioritizing it, you will learn how to improve your self-esteem.
This does not mean that you completely stop helping others, but that you reconsider your service to the community or your dedication to others. Ultimately, you are more important than anything else
Step 4. Stay focused
Never lose self-esteem because it is an important element in building your personality. Take the time to regularly evaluate your progress and be patient. It takes time to banish negative thoughts and put yourself first. If you used to belittle yourself in front of others, you will need a lot of courage to change, but remember that it's not impossible.
Once you change these mental and behavioral patterns, some people will find your new, more assertive attitude aggressive. Don't worry, it's about your life, not theirs! You are trying to earn respect as you go along, a quality that those who want to please at all costs rarely possess
Step 5. Live in the present
You can draw a lesson from past experiences, but the only moment that really matters is now because it is the only moment you are sure of. And if it's not what you want it to be, make your neighbor more enjoyable.
- Keep track of your results. Whenever you are tempted to belittle yourself and complain that you don't reach any goal, have a coffee, get comfortable and re-read your success notebook! You can also update it by noting the new milestones you have achieved!
- Compete only with yourself, not with others. Just consider your achievements and how they impact your life. Don't think about how others perceive them and what they would have done in your place.
Advice
- People tend to reinvent themselves every ten years. Accept the changes and think about how wise you have become by making the most of your experiences.
- Avoid generalizations disguised as motivational phrases. These are essentially useless sayings, pep talk or clichés.
- Anyone you know could offer you new opportunities. Don't avoid them, but spend some time with them to learn something new. Also, by listening, you can scale your problems.
- Put the past behind you. Direct all your attention to the present. Humility is the mother of praise. Respect is the father of harmony. Love is above everything. Treat others the way you would like to be treated!
