You put the sword back in its sheath and the dragon is out of action. Saddle up the damsel in distress (or ride the brave knight's horse) and ride together into the sunset. But now? In a culture that glorifies falling in love at the expense of living together and loving each other, it's easy to lose sight of the things that really matter: developing a healthy relationship that will continue to make you happy.
Steps
Step 1. Define happiness
Too often, people start a story with unrealistic expectations. Happiness is above all a very subjective emotion, so there your partner can only "make" you happy up to a certain point. As Eleanor Roosvelt once said, "Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product". If you expect to find a partner who will fill you with overwhelming excitement every time you look into each other's eyes, you will most likely be disappointed. Talk to your partner about what makes you happy and learn what makes him happy.
Step 2. Examine your relationship
This might prove a little tricky because no relationship is perfect and they all require work and commitment, but it's possible that you are in a relationship that requires a lot more work than it takes to find a new partner. It can be difficult to have an objective look at something this personal, so use a few points of reference to gauge your compatibility:
- Faith - it can be really tricky to make a relationship work if you don't share some core values. This does not mean that people of different faiths cannot be happy together, but they usually have to put in a lot more effort to make it possible.
- Politics - for the same reason, couples who share the same political ideology find it less difficult to be happy in the long run. Our political beliefs are usually the extension of much deeper values, so different ideas often indicate substantial differences in how we perceive the world. Again, this doesn't mean that the relationship can't last, just that it will be much more difficult.
- Social life - if one of you likes to go out every night while the other prefers to curl up on the sofa with a good book, it will be more difficult to find common interests to support the relationship.
- Finance - Half of all divorces are said to be caused by financial problems. If one of the two wants to become a millionaire at all costs while the other would be happy in a modest house and with a lot of free time to go for walks, conflicts could arise sooner or later. Again, I don't mean that such a relationship won't work, but recognizing the sources of potential conflicts before they arise could help you deal with them as they arise.
Step 3. Be realistic
A sage once said that we spend one percent of our lives making decisions, four percent worrying about them, and the remaining 95 percent living with them. You're probably not experiencing the fairytale love you dreamed of as a child, just as you aren't doing the job you dreamed of at 10. Fantastic relationships don't fall out of the sky and the more time you spend wishing your partner is who they are not, the less time you will have to work on your relationship to make the most of it.
Step 4. Don't get stuck in the past
Too often people say things like, "We don't talk the way we used to", or "He's not the man I married." In a long relationship, you need to be aware that your partner will grow and mature. We continue to mature throughout life and you can't expect someone to behave the way they did ten years ago, just as you can't expect them to look the same. Instead of focusing on the things you did together in the past, examine what you have become and shift your focus to the things you will do in the future.
Step 5. Continue to deserve it
When romance fades in a relationship, it's usually due to a lack of commitment from one or both parties. We often feel so comfortable with our other half, and we get so used to his attention that we fall into the trap of taking it for granted. You can avoid this with a simple mental exercise. Pretend you've just met and hang out together, as if you were going to win her love for the first time.
Step 6. Communicate
The first and only key to a lasting relationship is communication. If you are unhappy, talk to your partner about it without accusing tones. Remember that the key to good communication is listening rather than speaking. You may find that your partner is also worried about the same things, and only by talking about them will you be able to resolve the situation easily.
Step 7. Find common interests
The best relationships are those cemented by common interests and activities. Most stories start with at least a couple of common interests that can fade over time, so it's important to try new things and find out which ones are right for you as a couple.
Step 8. Never give up
Once you've made a commitment to a relationship, it's all too easy to let go at the first difficulty. Before doing so, try to carefully review your story and ask yourself if the problem is temporary or is likely to be unsolvable. In other words, are you always unhappy or is your story going through a difficult time? If you can get through a bad moment and find happiness again, both of you will be strengthened.
Advice
- Do something special for your partner. Don't focus on the details. The fact that you have spent time organizing something for him / her will be more than enough to make him / her smile.
- You can't go wrong doing something romantic.
- Remember that "forever" is a very long time! If you are happy 75% of the time, you will have done better than most people.
- Romance is something very personal. Stuffed toys and chocolates are great, but a gift tailored to your partner's tastes will be even better.
