The ceremony is over and with it the great excitement of the preparations. You will soon get used to married life. The perfect marriage is a mixture of compromise and honesty, not submission.
Steps
Step 1. Be yourself from the beginning of the relationship
If you start the relationship by putting an unreal version of yourself on the plate, what will happen when the truth comes out? Be yourself from day one, and your other half will show you to accept and love you for who you are, not for what you want them to believe you are.
Step 2. Exercise your sense of humor
A strong sense of humor is imperative for a great wedding. Try to look for the ironic side even in difficult situations, it will help you to overcome the hardest moments.
Step 3. Forgive, forgive, forgive
The three most important words for a good marriage.
Step 4. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt
You built your relationship on trust. Don't assume your partner is doing things with the purpose of annoying you. Maybe he / she just doesn't realize they are bothering you. Let your other half know the things that are bothering you without thinking badly about him / her, and once everything is clear give your partner time to correct himself.
Step 5. Don't blame yourself for the little things
Ask yourself if it's really worth fighting over something. Is it wrong, or is it just different from how you would do it? Let there be differences without questioning. If something is really bothering you, talk about it non-accusingly, and try to figure it out without arguing.
Step 6. Find ways to divide responsibilities
If you both work 80 hours a week, why should the wife also cook and clean? Look for a set of jobs that you both do well, like washing dishes and mowing the lawn, and share the responsibility. Find ways to create a routine that includes everyone, for example: “if you take out the garbage, I take the bins back in the house”, “you wash, I dry”, and so on. This will avoid the grumpy housewife syndrome. Remember, you must live together forever (until death do you part), so save yourself for the future. The world won't end if you don't finish all your laundry by today.
Step 7. Take some time to sit together at least once a day and spend time together
Even if it's only 10 minutes before bedtime, talk, cuddle and keep company.
Step 8. Don't expect perfection
Remember, your partner is human, like you. Make exceptions for life problems: fatigue, too much work, stress, family health problems, personal health, and simple frailty.
Step 9. Do something nice for your partner at a difficult time
Turning your back or constantly arguing about something will likely make you separate. A gesture of understanding will help you feel closer, making it easier to overcome problems. This is especially true if you feel like your partner isn't giving you compliments or other nice things that often. Start complimenting and being nice, you'll be reciprocated.
Step 10. Find a nice thing to say to your partner every day
Whether it's a compliment on her dress or a thank you for taking out the trash, it's always nice to be encouraged by your loved one. And you will feel good doing this.
Step 11. Learn from your mistakes
When you apologize, show that you are sorry. This means that you will not make the mistake again. Apologizing and then repeating the wrong behavior shows your partner that you weren't sorry after all, eroding their trust over time.
Step 12. Keep no secrets and avoid suspicion of betrayal
Being transparent with your partner is important, because it shows the trust each of you places in the other even in the smallest things. If you keep secrets, they will eventually come out and it will be a problem for your marriage. Keep your relationship clear and open to prevent suspicion and jealousy. Don't do things to get your partner to react, and if anyone in the office keeps hitting on you, tell the boss and ask for a transfer. If you keep a clean appearance and honest and open communication with your partner, they will trust you when they really need it.
Step 13. Remember that marriage is a practical arrangement
When planning your wedding, you can think of a fairytale life, always happy. The reality is that sometimes it's a daily struggle, one or both of you may be tense, bored, unhappy, not so good together. It is not just a question of feelings. Repeat it: it's not just a question of feelings. It matters how you dedicate yourself to the other. Whether you are in love or not, think that your needs are met, or that you have made a vow. Marriage is largely not romantic, it is teamwork to be carried out day after day.
Step 14. Prepare for difficult times
You will be much less stressed if you work together to plan a budget, build up at least one security fund (€ 500 emergency accounts can work wonders) and be prepared for times when things go wrong, life will be easier.
Step 15. Pretend everything is fine
If you are having a hard time and you no longer remember what attracted you in the beginning, if you think about what convinced you to get married… smile and behave kindly. Do as if everything is normal. Basically, continue to be kind and thoughtful towards your partner. It may seem strange, but if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and act like everything is fine, everything will be fine in the end, and even better.
Step 16. Don't be afraid to go to bed angry
Many well-meaning people say you shouldn't let the sun go down on a fight. But it's much better to get to a point in the discussion where you can stop fighting and sleep on it. Instead of continuing to argue over an issue at risk of losing control, stopping, resting and waking up refreshed can give you a new perspective and help you come to a more satisfying solution than continuing to argue until you are both battered, angry and have said things that cannot be withdrawn. Sleeping on it will also help dispel any remaining negative feelings. You don't always say "ok, okay, closed question", and you return to love yourself. Sometimes the resentment lasts a while. Let it pass, rest. You will both feel better in the morning.
Step 17. Ask yourself what you can do today to make your partner happier
By finding a way to improve your partner's life on a daily basis, you will never forget that he / she truly cares. Doing nice things for your partner makes you think well of him / her. It is a good habit.
Step 18. Kiss your partner for at least 5 seconds before going out in the morning and before going to sleep at night
Step 19. Give thanks for the little things (washing the dishes, cleaning the table, changing the toilet roll, and doing all these things without expecting anything in return)
Step 20. Compliment yourself every day
It doesn't take long to make the other feel good. Be honest and when you get a compliment, even if you disagree, thank it.
Step 21. Hug and hold hands often, every day
Step 22. Be quiet and listen
You learn a lot more by keeping your mouth closed and your mind open. You have one mouth and two ears so you can hear twice as much as you speak.
Step 23. Discuss calmly
The way you say things is sometimes more important than the things you say. Keep calm and speak in a normal tone of voice.
Step 24. Be careful and think before you speak
Before you speak, ask yourself this: If you or your partner were to die at that moment, would you want that to be the last word you exchange?
Step 25. At least once a month, go out with another married couple so you can laugh and learn from each other's relationship
Treat yourself to at least one romantic evening a month and take the romance home!
Step 26. Take a course together
There are restaurants that will teach you how to prepare a meal from start to finish or you can both learn to play a musical instrument. It's a great way to spend time together and watch each other's progress.
Step 27. Take turns in making decisions
It's not funny when someone asks your opinion and you answer "as you like". If he had wanted to be right, he wouldn't have asked you. Be polite and give complete and honest answers.
Step 28. Exercise together
Staying fit and taking care of yourself serves to show your partner that you want to stay active for a long time and take care of the other if needed.
Step 29. Appreciate your partner's strengths and weaknesses
He has chosen to be with you because there are aspects of your personality that he can learn from and absorb. Show your love for your partner by supporting him in times of weakness and being proud of him when he is strong. Listen to what he says, you might learn something.
Step 30. Do some little niceties (see point 2)
waking up with a hot cup of coffee or an ironed shirt, or going home to light candles are little ways to show how much you care.
Step 31. Show appreciation and never take your partner for granted or you will miss him when he is gone
Step 32. Laugh at life's little mistakes, keep sadness for bad times
Don't blame yourself for the toothpaste tube, laugh at the small bits and you'll be a happy person.
Step 33. Accept responsibility for your actions and choices
Be honest in all aspects of your relationship. If you haven't been so far, start now.
34 Go dancing with your partner on the weekend, it keeps you fit and it's fun
If you can't dance, take lessons together and learn a dance to have fun with.
35 Go for walks together
Exercising isn't just good for your physical health, it gets more blood to your brain and makes you think more clearly. The sight and the scent of nature will make you relax. With a clear mind and affection from your partner you will create the right atmosphere to be open and honest, and to talk about anything.
Advice
- Try summarizing the week on Sunday night. Go to sleep early on Sunday, and get up to talk about the weekend, and what awaits you next week. It's a great way to stay in harmony.
- Go out together once a week! Go out on a Friday or Saturday night. It will give you a moment of tranquility with the children, and you will be able to spend a quality moment together.
- Also try to make Monday evenings a time to spend with the family. Gather the children and give uplifting messages, ending with some surprises.
- Read John Farrelly's Guide to a Good Marriage, it's excellent.
Warnings
- Avoid being too critical or defensive. If you're having a fight and your partner makes a gesture to end the fight with a joke or an apology, accept. You can always talk about it again when you are calmer.
- Make sure you have a clear and transparent plan for your finances. Many people have marriage problems because of money.
