If there is a man in your life between the ages of 40 and 50 who has strange behaviors, he may be in a midlife crisis. To understand this, analyze emotional changes such as anger or the sense of exclusion, behavioral changes such as the search for extreme emotions and finally external ones, from the new wardrobe to plastic surgery. Plus, try to figure out how to deal with all of this too, as it's not just about your man, but you too. To safeguard your mental health and possibly your relationship as well, keep reading this article.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Emotional Changes
Step 1. Find out if the man in your life is feeling miserable
Those going through a midlife crisis typically feel unhappy or empty for long periods without finding relief. The key word is "long periods"; everyone has mood swings. There could be a midlife crisis if his general attitude was sad and depressed for no reason.
Most psychologists are cautious about confirming the idea of a midlife crisis, unless the symptoms have lasted for about 6 months. In addition, a midlife crisis may be considered when there is not necessarily a real cause for the suffering. If a loved one has passed away or there is a regular problem with depression, the crisis can be ruled out
Step 2. Observe his mood
A man who is going through a period like this will be upset by little worthless things. He may have violent outbursts with family and friends, behaviors that seem unusual compared to his usual temperament. Such outbreaks could explode without warning and disappear in an instant, just as suddenly.
However, feeling irritable in some situations is not the same thing. Men are also subject to hormonal changes! It's a sign only if it's a constant and prevalent change that seems to have taken over the man you once knew. This emotional state of hers does not seem to have fluctuations but appears more as a constant condition
Step 3. Talk to him about his sense of isolation
A man in crisis may report general symptoms of depression. He feels isolated, loses interest in things that once thrilled him, and may even stop feeling involved with you, his friends and work. It might seem obvious to you or it might be something you should delve into; some people, especially men, are very good at hiding the emotions they have inside.
If you're unsure, introduce the topic into a conversation. Tell him you've noticed how much he doesn't seem to like X anymore or that he seems less involved with you. Do you know why? Is this actually the case? Have you noticed any changes in your personality?
Step 4. Ask him if he thinks about his mortality
Men going through a midlife crisis often think about existential issues. They constantly think about their own mortality and the (non) meaning of life. Is this a topic addressed in some of your conversations? Have you noticed a "nothing really matters" attitude? If so, it could be the midlife crisis that is on the way.
After all, midlife crises are just like that. You touch the middle point of your life (probably) and take a step back, looking carefully around you. Man is tormented by the "how" he lived and if he did it well enough. This could be the internal struggle he is experiencing if he is dissatisfied with his life to date
Step 5. Talk about your spiritual beliefs
Men who were once religious may no longer be religious in a crisis. Your mate may begin to question their once firm and solid faith. His whole belief system may have changed.
This could also be true in reverse. The subject may begin looking for a connection with his or her spirituality for the first time in their life. Religious groups or "alternative" cults may also seem attractive to him. He may even want to become a member of a denomination or sect he once belonged to
Step 6. Listen to your common sense about your relationship
Does he seem deeply dissatisfied? Are you less close, both emotionally and physically? Do you talk less, have fewer plans, less sex, and generally feel a little distant from each other? It is true that this can happen even without a crisis, but if there are other signs, the midlife crisis could be responsible. However, it is something that can and should pass if you are persistent.
The important thing is not to take his attitude as personal; it has nothing to do with you. It is not true that he loves you less, that you value his life less, you are not making him unhappy: he is just fighting an attitude that makes him question everything
Part 2 of 4: Changes in the External Appearance
Step 1. Pay attention to weight changes
A man in midlife crisis could gain weight or lose weight; all this is also reflected in nutrition and physical activity. It will appear as a sudden change, rather than the gradual weight loss or gain that you can usually experience.
Some men gain a lot of weight, start eating junk food and lead a sedentary lifestyle. Others lose weight, interest in food, and engage in extreme diets and exercise. In some cases, both situations are unhealthy
Step 2. Notice if he is obsessed with physical appearance
It is possible that gray hairs on the nose trigger a seizure. If he notices a sudden sign of time passing, he may begin to take precautions to stay young, however ridiculous it may seem. He may try a variety of anti-aging solutions, from the cupboard full of creams to plastic surgery.
He may also develop a change in his style. It is as if she has suddenly gotten into your child's wardrobe to try desperately to stay interesting. It sounds terribly embarrassing, but it's nothing compared to plastic surgery
Step 3. He may even look in the mirror and not recognize himself
Often men in crisis look at each other and realize that they do not recognize their own reflection in the mirror. In their heads, they are still 25-year-olds with lots of hair and beautiful tanned skin. One day they wake up and the hair seems to have moved into the nose and ears, the skin is still tanned, just a little more saggy.
Imagine waking up feeling 20 years older. Terrible, right? Here's what your man is going through. He is facing reality: he is no longer young and life is halfway through and his behavior is proof of that
Part 3 of 4: Behavior Changes
Step 1. Notice if he acts more recklessly
Suddenly, your partner could take the attitude of an impulsive and immature teenager. He acts recklessly, drives at great speed, has risky behaviors and has regained interest in parties. This is an attempt to live the life of a young person, to live fully and to avoid regrets.
- Often these subjects feel the desperate desire for freedom and independence like that experienced by an adolescent; with the difference that adolescents do not have a family to take into account. He may be looking for an adventure, but not quite knowing where to find it, without thinking about the impact it might have on his family.
- This reckless behavior could also take the form of an escape or a 'hiatus period'. It becomes difficult for him to find satisfaction in his life, so he avoids all responsibilities, in an effort to cultivate something more intriguing.
Step 2. Consider changes in your job or career
Often men in this situation think of giving up their jobs to not do others, even if they cannot afford it, or they completely change profession. The crisis is not limited to certain aspects of his life: it goes from family, to the aesthetic aspect to work.
He may not be able to imagine his future life with the people, activities and work he has at this time. Once he realizes this, he inevitably makes changes if possible. He could change the company he works for or something more drastic, like starting a whole new career
Step 3. Know that he may be seeking external sexual attention
Unfortunately, men in mid-life crisis often have extramarital affairs or at least flirt with the idea of having one. They may start showing sexual approaches to other women, a young colleague, their daughter's gym teacher, a woman he meets at the bar, all in an effort to get more sexual attention. For the record, they know very well that it is inappropriate.
Some men will do it from behind a reassuring computer screen. They may spend an inordinate amount of hours on the computer, often engaging in online chat with strangers
Step 4. Pay attention to his bad habits
It is not unusual to start drinking during a crisis. He will drink too much and often alone. Alternatively, he may be abusing some medical prescriptions or soft drugs. This is one of the few parts of a crisis that are legitimately harmful.
If he puts his own life in danger, it is up to you to take action. Regardless of how far he has moved, his health could be at risk. If necessary, seek rehabilitation programs or at least therapy
Step 5. Watch for changes in your spending habits
To make the crisis more bearable, men often spend more money in the strangest ways. They change their car for a spider with a souped-up engine, rely on products that guarantee "eternal youth", buy lots of clothes, invest in a fleet of mountain bikes and spend a lot on things they have never liked before.
This can be good or bad. Some spend thousands of dollars redesigning the interior of their new car, while others spend a fortune on physical activity technology to get the whole family back in shape. All of this is positive or negative, depending on the financial availability
Step 6. Could make irreversible life choices
Due to the pseudo-adolescent rebellion he is experiencing, the partner is tempted to behave in a way that disrupts their life. These include:
- Having a relationship.
- Leave the family.
- Attempt suicide.
- Look for extreme emotions.
-
Drinking, using drugs and gambling.
This happens because man feels that his life is no longer adequate. These are drastic attempts to create a new life, regardless of the negative impact they will have on him or the people around him. In most cases, there is no way to convince him otherwise
Part 4 of 4: Coping with Your Crisis
Step 1. Take care of yourself
This is the number one priority. He is not alone in facing a difficult time. You will literally feel the earth fail under your feet and you will have the feeling that your life has been turned upside down. But you can take care of yourself and live your life. That's all you can do.
If you used to dedicate Wednesday nights as a couple to wine tasting and Friday to sex but now your partner spends his evenings playing poker with your child's friends, don't stay home sulking. While he has fun, you too. Take back that hobby you never had time for, spend more time with friends and think about your happiness. It's the best thing for both you and him
Step 2. Know that, taken separately, these signs mean nothing
A man who wants to get plastic is not noteworthy, much less one who is in an extramarital affair. These "symptoms" alone are not indicators. The crisis is only ongoing if you notice the simultaneous presence of many of them.
Some of these signs, such as feeling detached, angry, or existential, can be symptoms of a mental health problem. If your partner seems to be going through all the psychological characteristics of the midlife crisis but not the typical behavior, then consider this option as well. Talk to a counselor, psychologist, or other professional
Step 3. Consider the time
Decreased interest in something or a moment of blind anger is not necessarily a personality change, so it does not indicate the presence of a crisis. Small changes are normal. If we didn't have them, we wouldn't grow up. Only if these changes continue for more than 6 months and are constant every day, then a crisis should be considered.
Try to rethink the first moment of the crisis. In most cases, there is a trigger. It can be a strand of gray hair or the loss of a loved one. Try to remember a conversation or moment that coincides with this new behavior. How long ago did this happen?
Step 4. Let him know you are there
It is a very difficult time for him. He has lost sight of who he really is and what he wants. Without yelling, accusing, complaining, or giving advice, just talk to him. Don't expect anything; just let him know that you have noticed changes and that you are willing to help him. You may not like him, but you are not there to thwart his attempts to be happy.
If he is open to you, try to understand what he thinks and how he experiences this phase of his life. It might help you figure out what you owe. Each crisis is different and its openness to dialogue can help you understand the core of the problem. The changes could focus on her looks, her job, her relationships, or even just her hobbies. Talking to him can help you predict or, at the very least, not be surprised by his behavior
Step 5. Give him some space
Even if it's hard, ultimately your man needs to be himself and do his thing. You probably won't be part of his new interests. That's okay! For now, it needs space. If you allow it, it might be easier for both of you.
He may need space emotionally and physically. If he doesn't want to talk about it, forget it. It will be unpleasant at first, but it may prevent other conflicts from arising
Step 6. Know that you are not alone
At least a quarter of people have a midlife crisis. You certainly know many individuals who have experienced it, both as subjects in crisis and as partners. You can get a lot of help when you really can't handle the situation anymore. You just have to ask!
There are many books and websites on the subject that could be useful. They will help you build the concept of being "detached with love" and decide whether you want to stay or leave. If it's heavy on your man, it's definitely on you too. And there is nothing wrong with that
Advice
- If at some point your partner engages in unhealthy and dangerous activities, have your doctor follow you up.
- If he tends to deny himself, try talking to his family or friends.
