Do you gnaw your nails? Do you play with your hair all the time? Do you suck your thumb? Do you bite your lip? Whatever your bad habit is, and however ingrained it may be, the process for breaking it will be about the same. With constancy and the right mental attitude, you will be able to abandon it. The instructions provided in this article will guide you along the way.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Changing the way you think
Step 1. Commit to achieving a goal
While it may seem obvious, it's important to understand that the first step in getting rid of a bad habit is to really want it and make a commitment to change your life.
Many people take the path that leads them to lose a bad habit without being sure they really want this change. Getting rid of a habit is not an easy task, so if you don't take it seriously, you risk failing
Step 2. Understand the mechanism behind your habit
In most cases, habitual behaviors are patterns that have evolved because they have been indulged in some way. They make it easier for you to perform a normal action or manage different emotional states.
The "ritual of habit" originates from an occasion or a trigger that orders the brain to initiate habitual behavior. The brain treats the "reward" obtained from this behavior in the form of neurochemicals, which reinforce the ritual. You will be able to break free from the habit by breaking the behavioral part of the habit
Step 3. Analyze the context in which the habit occurs
To understand what is the most effective way to lose a habit, it is helpful to understand the situation and the emotional context that triggers such a behavioral pattern. In this way you will be able to understand what the "reward" required by the brain is. Once you realize this, you will be able to develop healthier tools to reap the same benefits that a bad habit offers.
- In many cases, bad habits arise to deal with situations that cause stress or boredom.
- For example, for many people, smoking offers stress relief. By temporarily postponing the satisfaction of this impulse, it is possible to gain time to devote to more satisfying activities.
- Take note when you feel the need to behave according to a habitual pattern. Often, habits are so ingrained that they prevent us from understanding why we continue to follow them. By acquiring this awareness, you will be able to identify what causes you to observe them.
- When describing your habit, mention the context and what was happening. For example, if you bite your nails, make a note of each time you feel the need to gnaw on them. Describe how you feel, what happened during the day, where you are and what you were thinking about.
Step 4. Make a plan
Once you understand what kind of situation sets your habit in motion and the reward you receive when engaging in unwanted behavior, you can make a plan that includes goals to change your behavior and strategies to inhibit triggers.
- According to some studies, if you have a clear and detailed plan, the chances of being able to break free of a habit increase dramatically. In this way, in fact, you have the possibility of weakening unwanted behaviors and favoring the creation of new patterns of action.
- You expect to make mistakes. Don't rely on a plan that risks failing at the first mistake. At some point along the way it can happen that you fall into the temptation to resume bad habits. By accepting this risk in advance, you will not allow negative thoughts to hinder all your efforts.
- In your plan you should include mechanisms that allow you to stay true to what you set out to do, in the form of rewards to be given when you are successful and feedback from those who support you in achieving your goal. More details will be provided in later sections of the article.
Step 5. Imagine your success
Suppose several times that you get rid of a bad habit by imagining scenarios where you replace it with more constructive behavior. Imagine situations where, despite the temptation to engage in negative behavior, you choose a better alternative. By doing so, you will be able to reinforce the creation of positive behavior patterns.
- For example, if your goal is not to indulge in the consumption of junk foods, imagine you are in the kitchen, preparing a healthy dish and sitting down to eat it.
- Some people find it helpful to write down the desired behavior and review these instructions every day.
Step 6. Gain awareness
By increasing your awareness in daily life, you will be able to become aware of what you do instead of letting yourself be carried away by events. In practice, it is about being aware of what is happening at a given moment and living without escaping from reality or making judgments. With practice, it can become a healthy habit, able to counteract the bad habits you intend to avoid.
- Mindfulness trains the brain to react to situations differently. It can actually "reprogram" your reactions to situations and stressors, allow you to think before you react, and prevent you from formulating "automatic thoughts" that arise in response to certain circumstances.
- Be aware of times when you are tempted to give in to bad habits. What are the situations that trigger unwanted behavior? What sensations does your body feel and what are the thoughts that lead you to assume it? If you can understand all these aspects without judging yourself, you will find the strength to resist.
- Don't stifle thoughts related to the bad habit. Paradoxically, when you try not to think about something, you start seeing it everywhere and feeling overwhelmed.
- For example, if you try not to think about cigarettes, you will only become even more sensitive to whatever you remember about smoking. You will be more successful if you recognize this irrepressible urge and the situations that encourage it, by facing the problem head on.
- Try mindful meditation. By taking a few minutes of your day to calm down and focus on your breathing, you will be able to become aware of your body and your thoughts.
- Yoga and tai chi are also conducive to meditation and are great for health.
- Notice the moments when you feel the need to abandon yourself to your habit, without making judgments about that impulse. For example, say, "I want to smoke right now" or "Now I want to eat my nails." By recognizing your feelings, you can control and remove them without getting stuck in your thoughts.
Part 2 of 2: Changing the way you behave
Step 1. Change your surroundings
According to some research, what surrounds us can sometimes push us to engage in certain behaviors, even if we are determined to stop them. To break a habit, therefore, it is necessary to start reducing the triggers until we can develop new ways to manage them.
- Unusual situations favor a greater use of those parts of the brain predisposed to orient us towards conscious decisions, to the detriment of the triggering of automatic behavioral patterns.
- The best way to break bad habits is to find ways to change the scenery and see if they still tease you. For example, if you like to smoke on the porch, take out the chair you usually sit on and replace it with a plant. If you tend to overeat while sitting in the same place all the time, change your position or arrange the furniture differently so that you have a different scenario in front of you when you are at the table. Small changes can inhibit the mechanism behind a bad habit and force the mind to reconsider reality.
- Build relationships with people who foster positive behavior. You don't have to let go of your old friends, but you should make an effort to find new ones, focusing on those who follow a lifestyle similar to the one you intend to undertake to limit the triggers.
- Take a vacation if you can. One of the most effective ways to break old and bad habits is to have totally new experiences, in which to develop new and healthier habits that you can later incorporate into your daily life once you get home.
Step 2. Establish barriers between you and the habit you want to break
If you create obstacles that stop bad habits or make it less pleasant to engage in a certain type of behavior, you can break the routine that has consolidated a certain attitude in the past. Here are some tips on this:
- Share your goals with people who can offer their support as you try to break a bad habit, and encourage them to scold you when you make a mistake. That way, if you give in to a temptation, you will suffer the consequences.
- Better yet, find someone who has the same habit as you and plans to get rid of it. Take the path together, helping each other to keep faith with your intentions.
- Anything you can do to interrupt the sequence of events that normally leads to unwanted behavior is believed to be effective. For example, if you are trying to quit smoking, put your cigarettes in another room. If you are trying to stop using Facebook at work, disconnect from the Internet or use one of the many applications that allow you to block access to it. Although these obstacles can be easily circumvented, sometimes they are sufficient to unhinge the behavioral pattern that gives rise to a wrong habit.
- Establish small "punishments" to use when you make a mistake. For example, you can use the same reasoning you would use to avoid swearing: as soon as you fall back into the unwelcome habit, put a euro (or more) in a jar. Pick a figure you hate to shell out whenever you break your plans, and stick to the decision you make. Once you get rid of your habit, you can decide whether to spend the accumulated money to give yourself a reward or donate it to charity.
- Alternatively, if you're doing everything to stop gorging yourself on food, add 10 minutes of exercise to your workout every time you overeat. A punishment related to your behavior is very likely to be more effective.
Step 3. Start small
It is not easy to change certain habits, such as putting off, because the solution can seem too demanding. "Stopping putting off" can seem like a daunting task that it demotivates you and makes you feel unable to accomplish it. In these cases, try to break down your goals into smaller, easier-to-achieve steps. When you see that success comes first, you will feel "gratified" and your mind will resist less as it will not consider the final goal "too big" to achieve. Instead of thinking about not eating junk food anymore, try to have a healthy breakfast. Instead of going to the gym more often, plan to do yoga on Saturday mornings. As you make little progress, continue on your way until you reach the ultimate goal.
- For example, instead of saying, "I'm going to stop postponing from today," force yourself to stay focused on your work for half an hour.
- It may be useful to use the "tomato method". Use a timer and set yourself a period of time in which you will have to focus on your work without dedicating yourself to anything else. It doesn't have to last long: it will take no more than 45 minutes, but no less than 20. The goal is to give you a reasonable and doable task.
- After that time, give yourself a little break! Do something fun, browse Facebook, check what you wrote. Then focus for another period of time.
- By creating new and healthier habits, this method can "fool" the brain, because you have the opportunity to see your successes immediately (which is very rewarding).
Step 4. Reward your successes
Because habits arise when a behavior is rewarded, a great way to establish new habits is to reward yourself for engaging in constructive behavior.
- The most effective reward is the one that comes immediately after positive behavior and that represents something you really like or want.
- For example, if you're trying to break the habit of arriving late for work, you could reward yourself with a cup of great coffee whenever you're on time, until it's no longer needed.
Step 5. Find a replacement
Try to replace the bad habit with something new and more positive in your life. The secret lies in resorting to an alternative plan of action when you are tempted to give in to something wrong.
- For example, if you are trying to quit smoking, try eating candy or going for a walk in the moments you would spend smoking. By filling the void left by the wrong habit with another activity, you will avoid any relapses.
- The important thing is to choose an activity that is neither boring nor unwelcome. It will be much easier if it is something that you really want to do, that you like or that inevitably leads to a good result, preferably immediate.
Step 6. Be patient
Behavioral conditioning is a long process, as bad habits are not lost overnight. Therefore, you will need to have consistency, be patient and kind to yourself.
- Common opinion and self-help manuals suggest that it takes 28 days to lose a habit. However, the reality is much more complex: according to recent studies, the duration of the process varies according to both the habit and the individual, and can take as little as 18 days or as many as 245.
- Although the process varies from individual to individual, perhaps it would be fair to say that the first few days are the hardest. Some neuroscientists argue that during the first two weeks people go through a period of abstinence, triggered by the nervous system that has difficulty managing the chemical alterations of the substances that go to stimulate the pleasure centers located in the brain.
Step 7. Be kind to yourself
Repeating that you are unable to accomplish something is a bad habit that reinforces the belief that you can't do it. Remember that if you are hard on yourself because you are going through a moment of difficulty or confusion, you will not gain any advantage, on the contrary you risk aggravating your bad habits.
- If you find yourself being too critical of yourself, remember that even the things that seem most contradictory can coexist. For example, imagine that you want to break the habit of eating junk food, but you "gave in" to the bottom of a bag of chips at lunchtime. Most likely you will scold yourself. However, if you are kind to yourself, you will recognize this moment of bewilderment and you will realize that it was not a total failure. There is no need to keep blaming yourself for letting yourself go once.
- Try adding an e to your statements and come up with a more effective plan the next time you are faced with a challenge. For example: "I ate that bag of chips for lunch. I'm furious with myself and can help myself by making a snack to take to work so I won't be tempted by the vending machines."
- You can also add a "but" and continue with a more constructive thought, like, "I made a mess, but everyone makes mistakes sometimes."
Advice
- When the situation gets complicated, think about what could happen in the future, when you have finally lost your bad habit.
- Take care of one habit at a time, two at the most, otherwise you could be disheartened.
- Some people find it easier to gradually reduce bad behavior, while others find it easier to stop out of the blue. Try to figure out which path is most effective for you, even if it leads to more than one attempt.
- If you bite your nails, apply nail polish. The neat appearance will discourage you from chewing on them, and if you happen to get them to your mouth, the taste will not be as pleasant.
Warnings
- Consult a mental health professional (psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor) if you find that you are unable to control your habit on your own, especially if it involves some danger.
- Substance abuse, eating disorders, self-harm, and other self-destructive behaviors could indicate addictions or additional mental disorders. Seek professional help to fight them.
