Many children with Asperger's syndrome have trouble initiating and holding a conversation. Although such children are highly intelligent and have a good level of cognitive development, they struggle to relate to others. To teach these children how to engage in conversation, it would be wise to consider language therapy and teach them the basic communication skills and techniques to relate socially.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Using Speech and Language Therapy
Step 1. See a speech pathologist
Speech therapy can help overcome the communication difficulties inherent in a child with Asperger's, especially in terms of getting positive feedback and starting a conversation.
- Speech and communication pathologists have the skill and experience to help the child acquire the confidence needed to initiate and carry on a conversation.
- They can help the child socialize.
Step 2. A speech pathologist can provide practical advice
Communication as a practical act consists in the use of language according to different needs and supports intrinsic rules. Because the child with Asperger's does not know how to initiate and carry on a conversation, they may find it difficult to acquire conversational skills on their own.
- Children with Asperger's do not possess particular skills, such as maintaining the right distance with the person with whom they speak, seeking eye contact, using facial expressions, varying the tone and modulating the conversation based on the interlocutor in front of them.
- The communication therapist supports the child with practical advice, supporting his ability to modulate the tone of his voice according to the situation in which he is in.
Step 3. Have the child follow cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to support the child at different stages of the socialization process
This therapy must teach children with Asperger's the various stages of acquiring social skills and behaviors, using a methodology that involves various activities:
- Skills are introduced through an accurate method of teaching with structured activities.
- CBT can help children who have lost the self-confidence that allows them to explore, due to the onset of anxiety and depression.
- This prevents you from making mistakes and makes your relationship with others awkward.
Step 4. Try to improve the child's non-verbal communication
Teaching, training and structured practice, followed by a therapist, can improve the way a child interacts with others. Therapists use techniques such as stories, role play and other techniques to teach and prepare the child to open up and communicate in different contexts.
- Therapy could include techniques to help the child understand tone, eye contact, gestures, and other types of non-verbal communication.
- This kind of therapy can increase the child's self-esteem.
Part 2 of 3: Passing on the Skills to Talk
Step 1. Show the importance of non-verbal language
Children with Asperger's mostly use verbal communication, but communication and conversation are not limited to just that.
- Communicating in the right way also involves non-verbal language, made up of body language, tone of voice, facial expressions and eye contact.
- Let the child understand that a conversation includes choosing the topic, carrying on the conversation in a way that is interesting for everyone, understanding the feelings of others and adjusting to them.
Step 2. Encourage the child to make and maintain eye contact
Children with Asperger's have a hard time making eye contact and maintaining eye contact, although this is a key time to start and manage a conversation.
- Ask the child if he feels comfortable making eye contact. If the baby doesn't feel safe, ask him to look you directly in the eye. Some autistic children are able to handle eye contact (but for the most part it is annoying or counterproductive).
- Discuss other possible places for the child to fake eye contact: a person's nose, mouth, eyebrows, or chin. The child can then practice with you or using a mirror.
Step 3. Teach him the right distance to maintain during a conversation
Keeping the right distance during a conversation is necessary in order not to put others in difficulty; children with Asperger's have trouble doing this and get too close to others, putting them in trouble. This makes it difficult to break the ice.
The ideal distance from the other during a dialogue is roughly the length of an arm
Step 4. Discuss the benefits of varying conversation topics
Children with Asperger's usually don't understand the natural flow of a conversation and can't get from topic to topic. They often deal with the same subject in a repetitive and obsessive way. Explain to the child how important it is to vary the topics to involve the interlocutor.
- Use pictures, photos, postcards, PC applications and videos, to make him understand what the ideal conversation should be and what its essential elements are.
- Teach the child how to ask questions so that the other person keeps talking. Sometimes it is easier for autistic people to let the other person lead the conversation, as it is less tiring.
Step 5. Help the child learn non-verbal language
Children with Asperger's cannot understand the meaning of the emotional and non-verbal aspects of language, such as facial expressions and eye contact; for this reason, they do not look into the eyes and do not try to understand the gestures of their interlocutor.
- To help them acquire non-verbal language, there are computer programs that teach them to understand the messages and emotions transmitted through non-verbal language.
- This can also help them become more aware of their emotions.
Step 6. Discuss how to deal with hostile people
Many children with autism are bullied or otherwise teased and abused and while it is not possible to make all bullies disappear from the face of the earth, you can help your child know how to recognize them and how to deal with them.
- Try turning it into some kind of game (for example, pretending not to hear or misunderstand, responding to insults with a "Thank you" and a friendly smile). Explain that this type of reaction takes bullies by surprise and confuses them. Try to stage various situations and help the child choose a couple of strategies he prefers.
- Discuss how to approach an adult and what to do if this adult does not believe him or wants to help him.
- Teach him the phrase "I am OK, you are bad". The child can use this phrase against bullies and also use it to remind himself that the bullies are wrong.
Step 7. Protect his self-esteem and don't allow him to believe he is "flawed"
Many of the autistic groups and resources are based on the deficit model, which emphasizes all that is wrong with an autistic person. This can negatively impact his self-esteem. Instead, try to tell the child that he is different, that it is okay to be different and that he must learn to deal with unique problems.
- Try to twist the sentence as a way to reconcile with non-autistic people, instead of saying that autistic people's way of communicating is wrong or inferior.
- You might even make a joke about how non-autistic people are "weird" - it actually seems like a weird thing to say, but it can really help the child not feel "harmed".
Part 3 of 3: Using Techniques to Talk
Step 1. Teach the child to start a conversation
There are techniques for starting and carrying on a conversation that children with Asperger's need to learn. To be able to initiate and carry out a speech, children must be equipped with a kind of toolkit that allows them to act independently.
- This kit should include rules on what to "do" and "shouldn't do" and "how" to set up a conversation.
- This can include what needs to be said to break the ice, how to address a conversation partner, the type of topic based on age (what you can talk about with a peer group or with adults), how to get started, how to go go ahead, the things to avoid (pauses and monologues), understand and use sign language and involve others to the fullest.
- Conversation "starters" are indispensable tools; the conversation map is one of them.
Step 2. Use conversation starter examples to give your child confidence
The initial preparation of the child is essential. Children with Asperger's find conversation a very daunting task, so give them a number of examples to reduce stress. When a child with Asperger's initiates a conversation with a peer or adult, they must:
- Identify the type of interlocutor.
- Identify the reason for the conversation to take place (whether it is a game, or a topic or whatever).
- Identify what the interests of the other child are (in a child with Asperger's syndrome the conversation can only take place if he is able to understand what the interests of the interlocutor are, because only in this way can he start and carry on the conversation without fear of be boring).
Step 3. Encourage the child to develop topics that may be of interest to him and his interlocutor
These children often don't realize that their favorite topics aren't for others.
- Identify a few topics that more or less everyone may like.
- Encourage him to pay attention to how the other person interacts and, if necessary, move on to a different topic.
- The child might try to start a conversation or break the ice with questions like, "What kind of music do you like to listen to?", "Who is your favorite actor?", "Who is your favorite singer?", "What are they? the most interesting places you have visited?"
- Encourage him to participate in groups or activities with other children who share his interests so that everyone can chat about things they particularly love. Remind them that it's okay to want to share the things we are passionate about with others.
Step 4. Discuss strategies on how to converse about his or her special interests
Make it clear that wanting to share the things the child prefers is always okay, and that it's always good to make sure the person you are conversing with is interested. Teach him to pick up on common signs of disinterest so that he is able to change the subject if the other person seems uninterested.
- Make sure he knows he doesn't have to hide his special interests and that if there is something that makes him horny they can talk about it. This lets him know that you care about his happiness.
- Find parts of his special interests that you appreciate too. For example, if your child is particularly fond of dogs, you could make a drawing of him together.
Step 5. Use the "conversation clock" to help the child follow the rules
The "conversation clock" is a useful tool for children with Asperger's to teach them to follow the rules for starting and carrying on the conversation. This "clock" works by encoding the conversation into images that indicate who is speaking, the tone of voice used, who interrupts, the duration and many other elements.
- This creates visual feedback of the conversation which is of further help to the child.
- The conversation is color-coded to indicate who is speaking.
- The color intensifies when the tone of the speaker's voice increases and overlaps with the voice of the others, and therefore with another color, this to indicate that the conversation has been interrupted by another interlocutor.
- The watch works like a mirror as it makes everything very clear and understandable.
Step 6. Keep the conversations fun
Learning how to lead a conversation shouldn't be awful or boring for an autistic child.
- Always respect its barriers. If you don't feel ready to go talk to a group of children, or are afraid to go to a teacher after school, don't force him. It is very likely that he will always be afraid and associate the conversation with negative emotions instead of positive ones.
- Respect their ability to make their own choices. Your child does not need to be "normal". It is more important that he has the opportunity to choose what makes him happiest.
- Avoid overdoing it. If socializing becomes for him a long list of rules, unsolicited advice and criticism, it will only make him even more alone.
Step 7. Allow the child to inquire on the internet
Autistic people often tend to have many computer-related skills. Encourage your child to use the web as a way to explore the world and the people who live in it.
- It might be easier for him to talk to people through online chat text. Great - he can still learn to converse like that, in a more harmless context for him.
- When he has enough information and knowledge, he will have enough self-confidence to be able to venture into new conversations on his own.
Step 8. Encourage the child to socialize by making new friends
Many autistic children want friends, but they may not know how. Take time each day to listen to your child and offer him advice and little encouragement. For example, if he mentions a particular friend he would like to play with, suggest that he sit next to him during his lunch break. Talk to him about inviting a few friends over to the house (whether he invites or you can call his friend's parents to arrange an afternoon of games).
- Always talk to him before inviting anyone so he doesn't get alarmed.
- Sometimes autistic children aren't interested in making friends, and that's okay as well. They can still be happy. Focus on other things for now, and if you change your mind one day, you'll always be able to help.
