It doesn't matter how long you've been married: it could happen to you to get a divorce too. You are certainly not happy about it and you would never have expected it. Even if you feel you are sinking, however, you can and will be able to overcome this experience while always maintaining a positive attitude in facing life alone.
Steps
Step 1. Convince yourself that you are not to blame for the end of your marriage
There are two people involved and the commitment of both is required for a happy life.
Step 2. Make happiness your primary concern, no matter whose fault it is
You are not the first person to divorce and you will certainly not be the last.
Step 3. Reflect on your life goals and find out how to achieve them
Go ahead and do everything you've always dreamed of doing.
Step 4. Join a support group if you think you need them
Step 5. Realize that you are an independent person and that by learning and informing you can make your own decisions
Step 6. Look to the future
Don't think that it is necessary to be married to be happy. Remember, you are ready to do whatever you want. You are no longer tied to your partner's timing and you don't need to ask anyone's permission before taking action. And most importantly, you no longer have mountains of dirty clothes to wash.
Step 7. Accept the divorce
If you prefer, join a support group. Spend time reading in parks, going to the movies or watching soap operas on TV.
Advice
- Don't be afraid to "fire" a friend. If it doesn't make you feel comfortable, it will negatively affect your mood. If he dwells too much on your experience and for this reason you feel you can no longer be happy by his side… get rid of it. Just like you would fire someone from a job. Go ahead and surround yourself with new friends who make you feel better, not worse.
- Do everything you can to eliminate the anger, pain, and negative emotions left behind by your ex. Don't dwell on how he cheated on you or how untrustworthy he was. Go ahead, get over your past and don't let all your conversations revolve around your ex and all his flaws. Keep your head up, stop basking in your pain and don't waste your energy on something you can't change. Smile and move on with your life. You will really bother him!
- Forgive yourself.
- Try not to mull over the negative aspects of your situation and don't spend time with people who put you down on an emotional level. Avoid emotional vampires, even if it means avoiding or ditching old friends or even getting away from some members of your family, at least until some time has passed and people have something else to talk about.
- Get rid of any items your ex left behind. If you don't want them anymore, don't throw them away, but resell them in a flea market or on eBay and, with the proceeds, buy something nice to enrich your new single wardrobe or your home.
- If your home seems empty and different, you can always rearrange furniture, reverse rooms or paint the walls the color you've always dreamed of. Fill it with fancy accessories or decorate it like a true bachelor, depending on your gender. Your home will look newer, you will feel fulfilled, and it will no longer feel like someone has just left.
- If you've always dreamed of graduating, it's not too late. Give it a go.
- Go and visit relatives who did not like your ex and take the opportunity to go on vacation where your ex would never have wanted to go.
- Cut the bonds that bind you to your ex. It might be tough, but making new friends can be a great experience. You may be joining entirely new circles. Don't feel the need to compete with your ex for your old friends. Let them choose their side themselves, you don't need them regardless. Also, this way your ex is less likely to show up at a barbecue party or party.
- Sooner or later you will learn that your ex is making a new life. Do it too. It doesn't mean you have to throw yourself headlong into the dating world before you feel ready, but feel free to hang out with friends. If you want to start dating someone, go for it, you will feel better.
- There are several support groups for people who are having the same experiences as you. Look for them.
- Make new friends. Dating people who are unrelated to your ex or divorce is healthy. They weren't there when your ex packed up and will be a new starting point for you. The more, the better.
- Go to museums, take part in a TV show, write a book.
- Sign up for a course, a school or a university.
- If you can afford it cheaply, travel.
Warnings
- If you are insanely happy you will drive your ex crazy. Especially if he tried to manipulate you or treated you badly.
- Try to always do the right thing, in the end you will feel much better. Taking drastic measures against your ex could lead to legal disputes.
- In the years to come, you may regret making hasty decisions about family photographs. Even if you or your ex don't want to keep old wedding or family photos, your kids may appreciate having them kept. Hide them in the attic or give them directly to your children if they are old enough.
- Be prepared to lose most of your married friends, if not all of them. As a single you may be perceived as a danger, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems. Don't wait for them to come looking for you; he begins to cultivate new friendships right away.
- Realize that if you have children, you will never completely get rid of your ex. You can't expect your kids to stop talking about one of their parents. If they are minors, you and your ex will need to agree on a visit schedule together.
- Make sure you can get rid of any items your ex left behind before selling or giving them away. Be polite and don't throw away any family heirlooms or valuables that have been blatantly forgotten by mistake.
- Be careful when meeting new people. Some may take advantage of you or want to take advantage of you. Most people, however, are really nice - don't be wary of everyone. Just be careful and don't lend money to anyone you don't know.
