In some cases a love story works and the couple lives "happy and content". In other circumstances, things don't go quite as well and at least one of the two people ends up heartbroken. If this latest mishap has happened to you, you may have the feeling that you will never be successful in love or that you will never be happy again. However, just because your experience wasn't lucky doesn't mean you can't find happiness. If you can overcome these kinds of emotions and take care of your needs, you can enjoy the single life with a smile on your face.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Coping With Your Emotions
Step 1. Give yourself some time
It is natural to feel sad and confused after a disappointment in love. Don't expect to be able to forget your ex in a day or two. Try to be patient and deal with all the emotions caused by separation. The only way to be happy again is to give yourself time to move on.
- Don't jump into another relationship right away and don't try to find someone else to love. Think about forgetting your ex first.
- Give yourself time to deal with all the emotions you are experiencing. It is normal to think about your past love and the reasons why you are no longer together.
- Someone might tell you that you just have to move on. Don't let anyone rush you.
- If it's been a few months since the breakup, you should start working harder to leave the past behind.
Step 2. Get over the denial stage
In the beginning, you may not want to accept that your romance is over. Don't keep pretending that nothing has changed and your feelings are the same as before. To be able to move on and be happy you need to stop denying (to yourself and others) that you are no longer together.
- Don't contact your ex and don't act like things haven't changed. This would make her upset or angry and it would be harder for you to leave the past behind and find happiness again.
- Put away items that remind you of your ex. For example, if your mobile wallpaper is an image of the two of you, change it.
- Don't lie to people who ask you about your relationship. You don't need to go into details, but you should answer truthfully.
- You might say "It didn't work, but I'd rather not talk about it" before changing the subject.
Step 3. Accept it's over
Even if you can admit that your romance was unsuccessful, you may think that by changing some sides of your character or by convincing your ex that things can work out between you, you will get back together. In most cases, this will not happen. Rather, you should accept that your relationship is over so that you can move on and find a new balance.
- Stop thinking about ways to make your relationship work. Don't try to make your ex jealous and don't make dramatic gestures to let her know how much you miss her.
- Look in the mirror and repeat to yourself: "It's really over. It didn't work and I'm ready to accept it." Do it whenever you feel the need.
- Return the items that belonged to her to your ex as soon as possible. For example, don't keep her winter coat in hopes that you will get back together before she needs it again.
Step 4. Forget your ex
It is normal to be angry after admitting that your romance was a failure. You may want to blame someone for what happened, but anger can make you feel even more stressed and bring negativity into your life. To be able to move on and be happy, you need to leave anger behind and forgive.
- Write a letter to your ex that you forgive her for what she did to cause the breakup. You don't necessarily have to deliver it.
- Do something active to release negative energies. Punch a punching bag, go for a run, swim in the pool or do yoga.
- Forgive yourself if the romance was unsuccessful because of you. We all make mistakes: you have to be able to forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes and leave the past behind, in order to find peace of mind.
Part 2 of 3: Satisfying Your Emotional Needs
Step 1. Increase your self-esteem
Don't consider yourself a failure and don't get down on yourself if your romance didn't work out. Just because you were unlucky on this occasion doesn't mean your whole love life is going to be a disaster. Remember, you are a wonderful person and you will find love again. To help you get back on track, working on your self-esteem can help.
- Write a list of all the positive things about yourself that make you adorable and capable of loving.
- Repeat to yourself: "I am worthy of love and I can be successful in love because I am…". Complete the sentence with the items from your list.
- Every day, try to add another reason why you are a wonderful person to the list and always remember that you can be happy.
Step 2. Get help from those who love you
You may want to isolate yourself and be alone, but this is not a good idea and, in fact, it is an attitude that does not help you to live well. By associating with people who love you, you will be able to remember that you deserve to be loved. Your friends and relatives will want to help you because they care about you, so to keep going down the path of recovery, it's a good idea to rely on them for some time.
- There is nothing wrong with asking someone to just stand by your side; without doing anything in particular and without speaking, just to give you a shoulder to cry on.
- Tell your loved ones what your feelings are after the breakup and how you feel about yourself.
- For example, you might say, "I have a lot of different emotions after separation. Sometimes I feel confused, sometimes I feel optimistic."
- Don't resist attempts to cheer yourself up. Your loved ones want to see you happy, so laugh and have fun with them.
- Ask loved ones to help you avoid texting your ex, calling her, and getting obsessed with her.
Step 3. Treat yourself well
If you don't take care of yourself, it is much more difficult to find happiness after a disappointment in love. You may feel nervous or tired from lack of sleep. Studies have indicated that separations can really weaken the heart, so pay attention to your health.
- Eat balanced meals, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly. All of this will help you physically and mentally.
- Take the time to change your appearance. Try a new haircut or buy clothes that look great on you.
- Do something special for yourself: you could buy yourself some fishing gear, or treat yourself to a day at a spa.
Step 4. Talk to a psychologist
If you are unable to complete daily activities, such as eating or sleeping, you should consult a psychologist. Schedule a visit even if you have started using alcohol and drugs. Therapy can help you solve these problems so that you can be happy; it is a way to show love for you.
- Studies have shown that chemical changes occur in the body after a disappointment in love that can cause depression.
- In some cases, your therapist may prescribe an antidepressant medication to help the body regulate the chemical changes that are taking place.
Step 5. Try some pain management techniques
In some cases, it will be helpful for you to use specific methods to deal with the emotions caused by a disappointment in love. These techniques can relieve stress and, in the long run, make you feel happier.
- Deep breathing techniques can help you think more clearly and relieve some of the negative emotions you feel.
- Try meditation as a way to calm your mind and heart. Every day, at certain times, sit or lie down in silence and focus on your breathing, on a mantra or simply on the present.
Part 3 of 3: Enjoying the Single Life
Step 1. Try new activities
To enjoy the single life you can do the things you like yourself. Think of all the hobbies and interests you've always wanted to pursue, but didn't have the time to pursue because of your relationship. Make yourself happy with your passions!
- You can try activities and hobbies that develop one of your talents or teach you a new skill.
- For example, painting, gardening, swimming, yoga, and poetry are all enjoyable activities that you can do on your own.
- Take an online course on something that has always interested you, or start learning a foreign language. Your progress will make you feel proud of yourself.
- Start a blog or video channel on a topic you know very well.
Step 2. Try to be sociable
You will have the opportunity to spend more time with friends and relatives who make you happy. You will also be able to meet new people, who could become great friends or even future partners. Don't go it alone and take advantage of your newfound freedom by going out and socializing.
- Attend events that friends and family invite you to, such as school plays or football matches. You will stay by the side of your loved ones and maybe you will meet new people.
- Volunteer to support the organizations and causes you care about. Helping your community will make you feel good and you will have the opportunity to meet people with similar interests to yours.
- Organize activities with friends and family, such as dinners or game nights. Ask your guests to bring someone.
Step 3. Consider dating another person
This doesn't mean you should be looking for someone else to love right away, just that you have every right to flirt and hang out with people who catch your interest. You will have the opportunity to understand what you need to look for in your future love to be happy, as well as the opportunity to have fun and experience fantastic stories to tell your friends.
- If you don't feel ready to date another person, just try flirting a little. Smile at the cute shop assistant in the supermarket. Compliment the plumber who is repairing your sink.
- Remember that dating doesn't mean you are in a serious relationship with them. Get to know her before you decide to be with her.
Advice
- Over time it will become easier to be happy, so be patient and never stop trying.
- It will be much easier to find peace of mind if you completely avoid your ex for some time.
Warnings
- If you're thinking about hurting yourself or your ex, call a seizure-ready number and talk to someone about your feelings.
- If your close friends or relatives advise you to go to a psychologist, follow their advice. They probably notice the negative effects of separation more than you do yourself.
