The decision to have a baby is a wonderful and exciting time in any couple's life. But if you feel ready and your husband doesn't, problems can arise in a marriage that otherwise works very well. Before you start making your husband feel guilty or trying to force him, try to persuade him in a peaceful way that limits the opportunities for conflict.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Negotiating with your Husband
Step 1. Think back to the discussions you previously had on the subject
One of the things to think about before talking to your husband about your desire for a child is any previous conversations about it. You can get information that can help you.
Before he got married, did he say he wanted children? Have you ever made it clear that you want children? If so, by empowering yourself with this awareness, you can discuss it with him. If she never said she wanted to, ask yourself how you thought she would change her mind after a few years of marriage
Step 2. Set a specific time during the week to talk to him about it
As you try to get your husband to have a baby, set aside a specific time during the week to discuss the prospect of having a baby with him. The advantages are manifold for both of us.
- Both of you will have plenty of time to distance yourself and gather ideas before tackling the next discussion. You can also write a list of detailed points, to be able to better counter and identify more effective reasons.
- Distance yourself gives you the ability to control emotions and anger. This helps you think logically and try to convince him by appealing to rational arguments, instead of getting emotional and warm, with the only result of further distracting him from the idea.
- Talking about it in a timely manner helps you stop nagging him. Keeping pressure on him every single day is counterproductive: you risk getting the opposite result and convincing him not to have a baby instead.
Step 3. Talk to your husband about his fears
If he's hesitant about having another baby, ask him exactly what his reservations are. Try to figure out why. His fears can be founded and determined, for example, by a lack of financial stability. Talk to your husband and try to find out what scares him.
- Always listen to what he tells you. What a child wants is you, but their opinions and feelings deserve just as much attention. Don't dismiss her beliefs simply because you want a baby so badly.
- If you think your aspirations are legitimate despite his fears, discuss it with him. Come up with a system that works in the situation you are currently experiencing.
Step 4. Listen to her reasons for not wanting a baby
When discussing it, listen to it carefully. Hearing the reasons for so much hostility towards your dream can be difficult and painful, but remember that you are life companions. He is your half and deserves to be heard.
- Ask him why he doesn't want children. Do not argue, but listen to his explanations without interrupting him.
- Maintain an attitude of mutual respect when the other expresses what they feel and want. Be respectful and do not criticize their views on a bias.
- It can be difficult to remain calm when the subject of the discussion involves you so much emotionally. If it upsets you and you feel like crying, that's normal. Take a couple of deep breaths before speaking. If necessary, get up and take a short walk around to calm the anger.
Step 5. Share your own fears about having a baby
Let your husband know that you also have concerns about it. You too may have fears at the prospect of raising a family and sharing them with him can help to reassure him and not make him feel too alone.
- Tell him that you too are concerned about how family dynamics will change, the consequences on the growth of your other children and the likely economic impact.
- List all the possible circumstances in which your marriage could change, including the relationship between you.
Step 6. Deepen the economic discourse
You need to be able to show him that you are capable of raising a child. One of the most critical points is the economic aspect. By discussing the matter with your husband, you show him that your financial situation is sound.
- Explain that you have taken into account your annual income and the savings you have aside and that you have adjusted your expenses in the event of another mouth to feed.
- Mention your career. Remind him that you both have good jobs. Tell him that the child will not be a hindrance to your career.
Step 7. Refer to your biological clock
Unlike men, women have limited time to have a baby. For some women the fertile period lasts longer, for others less. Explain to your husband that time is a determining factor, not to be underestimated.
- Tell him how you feel about your age and your biological clock. Do you think you are too old? Do you think you have a few years left to be able to carry a pregnancy to term?
- Talk to him about any difficulties getting pregnant and the many attempts that may be required.
Method 2 of 3: Entice Your Husband to Have a Baby
Step 1. Refer to the future baby while your husband is engaged in activities that he is passionate about
Many men dream of teaching their children to play their favorite sports. Others cherish the dream of taking them hunting, fishing or putting their hands together on engines. Whatever your husband's passion, use it to your advantage. He mentions the child who will come while he is engaged in his favorite activity, to remind him of how nice it would be to transfer it to his children.
For example, if your husband likes soccer, watch a game together. During the match, tell him how nice it would be to teach his child to play football, put him in a tracksuit with the crest of his favorite team or take him to the stadium
Step 2. Talk to your husband about your future prospects
If you want a child, talk to your husband about the exciting prospects for the future. Tell him you're looking forward to having a baby. Come up with ideas and plans for what you think your family and child might be like.
- Ask him what it feels like to imagine watching him take his first steps or teaching him to drive.
- Tell him to think about what it might be like to hear him say the word "dad" for the first time. Ask him how it would feel to give his name to a girl or a boy.
Step 3. Be patient
If your husband is reluctant to become a father, give him time to get used to it. This is an important decision, even if you already have children. People face decisions of this magnitude at different timelines. If you feel ready now, he may need a little more time. Try to be understanding and be close to him.
- If you feel you love him no matter what decision he makes, let him know.
- If, on the other hand, you intend to give him an ultimatum because you don't feel like continuing to be with him if he doesn't want a baby, consult a marriage counselor.
Method 3 of 3: Avoid Pressure Your Husband to Have a Baby
Step 1. Avoid deliberately boycotting contraceptive practices
Even if your desire for a child is strong despite your husband's resistance, avoid skipping contraception at all costs to try to get pregnant. Behaviors of this kind are counterproductive and risk compromising your relationship and further strengthening his or her opposite position.
Lying about contraception or trying to manipulate your husband can affect mutual trust. It is not worth risking serious marriage problems for a vague possibility of getting pregnant
Step 2. Try not to talk about children from morning to night
If you really want to have one, you need to talk seriously about it with your husband, but try not to bring the subject up at every turn. Harassing him will only serve to further distance him from the idea.
If your husband is reluctant, leave him alone for a while and put it off for later
Step 3. Enjoy the family you have at the moment
Pushing with your husband to have a baby is not good for anyone. Harassing him on the subject at a time when he doesn't want to hear reasons can generate resentment or make him feel a sense of suffocation, on the contrary convincing him to never go back to his decisions. Instead, focus on the family you have at the moment.
- Having a nice solid family will make him want to expand it in the near future.
- If you already have a child, enjoy it. And let your husband fully experience the present moment too. In the end, he will be the one who wants the family to expand.
- If you don't have children yet, a strong and happy marriage will entice him to expand the family.
