Toddlers are just beginning to discover concepts such as independence and responsibility. At this point, sharing becomes downright complicated. If you have a hard time with children who are constantly arguing over toys, don't worry - this behavior is normal and appropriate for their training. The situation will improve as the years go by, but in the meantime you can develop certain strategies to keep your head and teach your children how to get along.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Part 1: Understanding Baby Behavior in Early Steps
Step 1. You must know that children who have recently started walking are also taking small steps towards their independence
One- and two-year-olds work to master gross motor skills, such as walking, running, and jumping. In addition, they are also absorbing fine motor skills, such as using a spoon, drinking from a glass, and unbuttoning a shirt. These new abilities go hand in hand with the development of one's identity. In fact, they develop the idea of being independent individuals who can control their actions. These are normal and stimulating developments, but this phase is feared by parents and teachers alike. Toddlers will exhibit inappropriate or acceptable behaviors (including fighting over toys), and adults need to respect this developmental transition, teaching them to respect reasonable boundaries.
According to Erik Erikson, a psychologist who developed a widely held theory of psychosocial development, toddlers are in the midst of a behavioral crisis: Autonomy (Independence) versus Doubt (or Shame). In other words, they work to resolve the tensions that exist between their self-confidence and self-control
Step 2. Remember that toddlers are quite emotional
Emotions tend to be high at this age. Children feel enormous curiosity towards the new and varied experiences they can have; at the same time, however, they face this change. Parents let them play independently or expect them to temporarily take care of themselves, and this separation can be frightening.
Step 3. Understand that a child who develops normally will be likely to fight over toys
Obviously, the concept of independence is based on a basic understanding of one's autonomy. Once the child understands that there is a distinction between himself and others, he also begins to focus on the concept of responsibility: what is his is very different from what is not. Arguing over toys is a completely natural manifestation of this discovery that is becoming more and more important. Sharing makes toddlers feel threatened, as they feel they are the only masters of certain elements.
Part 2 of 4: Part 2: Teaching the Concept of Sharing
Step 1. Explain what sharing is to your children
Emphasize that it is temporary: a child can borrow a toy from another, but then he will return it to him.
They must understand that sharing does not detract from the right they have to a particular object. He explains "This truck is yours, you can let someone else play with it, but then they will give it back to you."
Step 2. Practice sharing
Before you expect your kids to share their toys with other kids, they can practice with you. Occasionally, ask them to lend you their favorite games. Let them learn to be patient. Return the toys after a certain amount of time has elapsed, and praise them when they do well. This will help them understand the difference between lending and permanently giving something away.
Step 3. Emphasize the positive aspects of sharing
Emphasize that sharing a toy is generous and kind. Plus, he says other kids do too. This way everyone will be able to play with new and different objects.
Step 4. Prepare your children for situations in which they will have to share
Tell them how they should behave when they are invited to their friends' homes and kindergarten. They need to understand early on that they will have to share toys.
Step 5. Teach the importance of friendship
Explain what it is and let them understand that being friends with someone also means sharing toys and playing without arguing.
Step 6. Observe the behavior of your children
It will help you to figure out which one is the most domineering of all. Does a particular child tend to take toys away from others? Who is it that always starts doing it? Who suffers? Teach them to manage these difficulties in the best way possible.
Step 7. Lead by example
Let the children see you sharing your stuff with others. If they ask you to play with your item (assuming it is safe and cannot be easily damaged), allow them to do so. Point out that sharing is temporary, and you know this item will be returned to you.
Part 3 of 4: Part 3: Avoiding Conflict
Step 1. Stay away from unnecessarily stressful situations
Once you have observed how they behave in the various contexts in which they need to share, you should be able to determine which aspects seem to cause the most problems for certain children. Is one of them particularly protective of a toy? You may want to let him keep it elsewhere, so he won't be handy when he plays with his friends.
Step 2. Choose wisely when they will play
Have them play together when they are well rested and after eating. Children who are hungry, tired and in a bad mood are sure to fight over toys. Limit the time spent playing so that it does not exceed a couple of hours, otherwise it will be asking too much of a child.
Step 3. Establish clear rules
Whenever children play together, it is best to determine clear and simple rules. Toys that are not to be shared can be stored elsewhere. Anything that remains can be used by anyone, without exception. You could put a timer on the popular ones and force the kids to stick to the limits.
Step 4. Offer alternatives
When a child has to temporarily give up his favorite game, offer him interesting substitutes. By giving him something fun to do, he may get distracted enough to forget the front toy.
Generally, it is best to have several choices available. You should propose various toys and offer multiple options to each child
Step 5. Teach the children to discuss sharing
Instead of stealing toys from each other, they should learn to ask to use whatever they want. Teach the right expressions to do this: "Can you lend it to me please?".
Step 6. Encourage them to play cooperatively
If the children have taken a game that involves more than one person, be it a ball or a board game, they will be less likely to argue.
Part 4 of 4: Part 4: Dealing with Arguments
Step 1. Try not to get involved right away
When children start bickering, you are probably tempted to intervene immediately. However, it's best to give them a chance to learn and grow. Let them try to resolve conflicts on their own.
Step 2. Remember the three C's:
compassion, beliefs and consequences. If children cannot resolve their quarrels on their own, and this will happen often, try to keep these three basic concepts in mind. Show compassion for the experience they are having and their problem. Respect their beliefs, but emphasize that their actions will have consequences.
Step 3. Always be careful
When children continue to fight over a toy, it is best to separate them and wait for the atmosphere to calm down. Don't let bullying behavior become the rule. Once they have calmed down, you can talk to them to review what happened; you don't have to determine whose fault it is, but to find an acceptable solution to the problem.
To separate the children, simply take them firmly by the hand and lead them to different areas. Ask them to calm down and obey. Make sure everyone has calmed down before letting them go back to where they were
Step 4. Get rid of objects that cause arguments
If you can't find a valid solution or the children involved are too agitated to discuss the problem, get the toy out of the way. Ask them to give it to you in the kindest and most polite way possible, then keep it elsewhere. Ignore the screams or crying that will follow.
Step 5. Make decisions with the children instead of not consulting them
When you step in to resolve an argument, you should justify your actions. Allow the children to express themselves and listen to them. Try to involve them in the decision making process.
Step 6. Try to understand the feelings of the children
In general, it is best to intervene in an empathic and understanding way when they are arguing. They need to understand that their emotions are valid. You can say “I know you get sad and angry when you have to share this truck, that's normal. Everyone feels this way, but you have to be a good friend and exchange your toys”.
Step 7. Try to calm them down before trying to teach them a lesson
If several children are very upset, you need to take time to help them calm down and understand their emotions. Do this before trying to teach anything. When children are nervous, they can't focus on learning, in fact, this feeling will get worse if you step in to scold them.
Step 8. Avoid taking sides
Stay neutral and don't pay too much attention to the culprit in the fight. As much as a child is clearly wrong, it is not very helpful to discuss it. Concentrate on finding a solution.
Step 9. Resist the temptation to give a child derogatory adjectives
Although it is a particular child who causes such fights, there is no point in calling him a “bully” or a “bad guy”. You should not label children using adjectives such as "selfish" or "stingy", and you should never insult them, otherwise this could harm their self-esteem and safety. Also, if you tell a child that he is a bully, he may start to believe it, and that will only exacerbate that behavior you are trying to curb.
Step 10. Enforce compliance with the consequences
Depending on the situation, you can try to force them to be silent for 15 minutes (putting babies in cribs works well in this regard) or not to play with the object in question.
Step 11. Praise them when they behave well
As the children become calm and cooperative again, praise them profusely. Hug them and congratulate them on learning to calm down and cooperate.
Advice
- It can be quite frustrating to hear children fighting over toys, but it's vital that you stay calm. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, drink some water, and deal with the situation if they don't seem to be able to do it on their own. Other concerns can wait.
- If you are very discouraged by children's behavior, you may want to take a little break. Provided there's someone left to keep an eye on them, it's no problem to go for a walk, call a friend, or try something else to calm down and regain your composure.
- Understand that children also have different personalities. There is no absolute method for them to learn to share everyone in the same way. In any case, remember that with practice you will be able to achieve better results. If you have children of this age, try to arrange meetings with their friends. Find out if there are any parent groups that do this in your area.
