Finding the right solution in the presence of annoyance, harassment or stalking on Facebook is difficult because the connections between users are labeled as "friends". This can make it difficult to get rid of them because they don't seem to be able to stop on their own or you don't want to be mean to them. On the other hand, letting it continue isn't even an option - there are a few things you can do to stop stalking via Facebook.
Although most of these steps are based on a non-aggressive but assertive method of stalking treatment, if you feel more than annoyed by this fact, then it is a serious matter, to be treated in the most appropriate way: for these cases read at the bottom of the article.
Steps
Step 1. Learn what it's like to be stalked via Facebook
While virtual stalking does not have some physical elements of "real" harassment, such as being followed or observed, the feelings aroused tend to be identical.
Online stalking consists of annoying communications (intentional or unintentional), which tend to give the feeling of being observed / or continuously
Step 2. Be honest and clearly state that you don't like their posts and explain why
He may appreciate your honesty rather than being complacent.
Step 3. Grasp the will behind the stalker's "motive"
Obviously there is a difference between friends or family members who look at your information online to keep up to date and a person who specifically targets you and who is always attached to you, and who may even frighten you.
- Research conducted by Professor Kevin Wise of the University of Missouri has shown that the group of people defined as "social curious" (such as friends and family), take a look at what's new about you and then move on to something else; in other words, he includes you in his circle of friends. Instead the "social researchers" have a more specific behavior, focusing only on your posts, your photos etc. without looking at someone else's; in other words, these people are acting like they are obsessed with you.
- A "social researcher" has much stronger emotional reactions caused by what he reads than a simple "social curious". This suggests that if a stalker is "looking for" you (either to enter your world or to take revenge for a breakup or whatever) it is possible that he will break down everything you write online and put it back together in a way that is far from reality.
Step 4. Look for possible signs of stalking via Facebook
Some might include (depending on the stalker's personality and "target"):
- This person can't break away from you even after your numerous requests to do so and continues to comment on your posts or send you gifts?
- Leave comments suggesting that the two of you should spend more time together (and you're not engaged)?
- Do you receive messages with intimidating or violent language (such as vulgar or suggestive comments)?
- Have you been bullied and / or threatened? For example, have they posted your private photos online (or of people you care about)?
- Are you in a situation where the stalker just never gives up and keeps texting you? While it's not necessarily lousy, mean, or threatening behavior, repeating it for a long time can reveal obsessive behavior.
Step 5. Consider your perception of this situation
If the person who is bothering you chats with you every time you are online, comments on all of your photos or whatever, your response can range from simple irritation to frustration to bewilderment and a feeling of oppression. While these actions only happen occasionally, there could be a serious problem if you feel pressured or annoyed.
- Consider your feelings before worrying about others. Do you feel stalked just for what they write or do? Do you feel like someone is obsessed with you (or because they like you or because they hate you)?
- Do you feel oppressed, disoriented, bothered by his constant messages? This is more than enough reason to find a solution to the problem.
Step 6. Reply
Assuming you don't feel threatened immediately (see step 11), try to respond gradually. You need to understand that there is always a chance that the other person doesn't really understand that they are bothering you. We recommend that you try to communicate constructively before moving on to more drastic measures. After all, there is no need to cause other problems and annoyances in your life, such as those caused by a disordered reaction to another person, perhaps because you misunderstood their intentions, only to find yourself with 10 other people yelling at you! Start with the best of intentions and start by asking him to stop, keeping in mind that if it doesn't work, you will be left with all other possibilities.
- Write something like, "Hey Dude! Didn't you realize you're the only person texting and texting me every hour? I'm not very happy and I'd be very happy if I could stop and go, let's say, one message a day. Is it okay??"
- Obviously, if the person leaving the messages is your "true friend", your boyfriend or family member, the hypothesis of stalking should almost automatically be ruled out. Either way, he should react the same way to such a message, and if that doesn't work, talk to your other relatives for extra help.
Step 7. Try short answers or no answers
If he comments on a photo telling you how beautiful you are and that you should go out with him etc. a single "Thank you" will suffice. If she chats with you and writes you long messages, just write "lol" or "ok" to show that you are not very interested. Then, try not replying in any way to messages this person leaves on your wall or inbox. For example, if he comments on your status by only writing "lol" or "ok", don't even answer and you won't give him the rope to keep writing. This way you will let this person know that they are bothering you without getting too involved.
Step 8. Give less subtle suggestions
More obvious others might embarrass them so much in front of their friends that they stop. For example, you can tag him in a post and write something like: "I like how (person's name) you love everything I do!". It's not too rude but it makes it clear that you've noticed and don't like it. The hope is that he will take the advice, but know that he may take it as a compliment or an invitation to continue.
- You can try to post on the bulletin board: "Please don't comment when I post things like X, Y, Z. It's just an unimportant update!" You don't name it directly but make it clear that you don't like these types of comments.
- If you can't beat him, join him! This could solve the problem at source. If he / she is a Facebook friend you don't know well but who always comments and likes your stuff, try doing the same with him / her. Maybe he / she really likes you and you might become good friends! This passage assumes "don't always think the worst"; sometimes you have to change your perspective and broaden your mind to put things right. Maybe an online friendship will arise!
Step 9. Ask him one more time to stop but with greater firmness
When it starts to really get on your nerves and you've already tried the soft approach, try again in a polite but firm way. Send a chat or email and let him know that his constant comments are not funny and that you would like him to stop. For instance:
"Hey X! I have to re-ask you to give us a break with all these posts and messages. I don't like it at all and it's not that all of my posts are so important that they deserve a comment. I hoped you already understood the last one. time but now I'm asking you to stop again. Look, I'm not going to read your comments, let alone answer you, so it's better for both of us if you stop. " At this point you can decide whether to warn him that you might block him
Step 10. If he doesn't follow the advice or your direct message, try blocking him
There are two approaches to this: the first is to warn him that you will do it (and to do so if he does not obey in the allotted time). Use this method only if you think it will have the desired effect and will not anger him. The second is to block it directly without warning: with all the warnings and advice already given you will certainly not be surprised.
- You can block a friend through your Privacy settings. Click on the "Customize" button and go to "My Posts". Click on "Customize" again and block it to stop him from seeing your board. Read this article if you want to know how to delete a contact from Facebook.
- Read this article to learn how to block someone.
- In this article you can find out how to block someone in Facebook chat.
Step 11. Talk to your friends about it
It is important to let them know about the matter, especially if they are also "his" friends. If they try to support you and understand the situation, they may either do the same to you or keep an eye on the "stuck" behavior and let you know what's going on. This is important for several reasons: if you took this countermeasure because you thought there was no other choice but you still want to be friends with them, then they could help calm the waters; or, if the blocked person feels offended and intends to take revenge, the more people you will have by your side to make him understand his mistakes, the easier it will be to fix everything.
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Understand that some obsessed people cannot understand the pain they are causing. In some cases they may believe they have been super polite and nice, and they may take the block personally, which could lead to them trying to infect you if you're not careful.
On the other hand, he may simply not understand how Facebook should be used and end up apologizing when he finally understands it
- You could also let Facebook know what happened. The matter will be evaluated by the internal team who can block your account or contact your provider or local authorities.
Step 12. If you feel truly threatened, humiliated, harassed or fearful of the stalker's behavior, seek immediate help
Talk to your parents, friends, teachers, etc. and try to express your feelings clearly. Behaviors designed to instill fear are unacceptable online and in reality. This is not something to deal with alone and the sooner you find support from someone to talk to, the sooner you will understand if your fears are only in your head or there is a situation to really worry about.
Never let any threats against you flow. Contact the competent authorities immediately
Advice
- If he is a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend or relative, talk to him directly.
- If you have to do this, block it. Even if you don't want to do it, sometimes you will be forced to stop it. It is a measure of self-protection that will give him time to let off some steam and lose this obsession.
- NEVER REPLY TO A STALKER. Or you will encourage it; rather report it to Facebook. If it doesn't work, contact a lawyer or the competent authorities. Document every single detail, even the most irrelevant! Print messages, emails, html content, comments etc.
- It is also advisable not to add people you don't know or get along with as friends. Sometimes the "enemies" start stalking by teasing you on your bulletin board or trying to get into an intile mess. Avoid any problems by not adding them.
- If it's someone from your school that you don't know well, don't make it bigger than necessary! Maybe he's trying to make friends in a bit of a weird way. But if he behaves in a "bipolar" manner, alternating sweet comments with other vulgar ones, then ask him directly what he is trying to do.
Warnings
- Don't try to excuse someone just because they don't know how to use Facebook properly. Your feelings and well-being are as important as everyone else's and if you no longer enjoy Facebook because of it, then trying to be accommodating will only make it worse.
- Always think best. It could be a lack of knowledge of Internet etiquette or is going through a difficult period. But if you feel threatened or harassed, don't take it lightly: seek help immediately, even looking for someone to talk to to put things in perspective.
