We all want to be surrounded in our lives by strong and influential people who can be a source of inspiration for us. Do you want to be one of these people too? You can learn to develop your personality, your interpersonal skills and your level of self-esteem, in order to learn to inspire respect and draw the attention of others. Start exercising your influence on those around you today.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Building a Strong Personality
Step 1. Be positive
If you want to be a person who can influence others, you will soon learn that positivity works more than negativity. People tend to gravitate towards people who are positive and encouraging, not harsh and critical.
- If you are going to criticize someone's work, offer suggestions or alternatives, try to praise some aspect of their proposal first. Instead of throwing yourself headlong into criticism, start with a phrase like "it's a great idea, but if we tried to change a little …".
- Avoid topics of conversation that can lead to complaints and criticisms. Talk about things you like, not what bothers you. People will be more willing to spend time with someone who wants to have fun and who talks about positive things.
Step 2. Identify your strengths
Influential people know how to use their strengths in the right way. What are you good at? What do you do better than others? Recognizing and emphasizing your skills in personal interactions is a great way to exert your influence on others.
- If you have a tendency to be too hard on yourself, listen to what others are saying. What are you frequently praised for? What earns you points in the eyes of others?
- Try to take note of your results and link them back to something you think you are doing well. It can be a simple and effective way to identify your strengths.
Step 3. Practice public speaking
If you are unable to express your thoughts clearly and communicate concisely, it will be difficult to influence others. Influential people know how to voice their opinions and ideas quickly and accurately. You will have to learn to be convincing.
Speak clearly and loudly, in order to attract the attention of others. Don't talk over others, but make sure you make yourself heard. It will be difficult to influence someone if you continue to grumble
Step 4. Become an expert in your industry
If you want to influence others, you need to have more than just your charming speech and your ability to manipulate people. You will need to have the skills and experience to support what you say. You will have to attribute concreteness and correctness to your words, which will allow you to exert your influence on others in an even more assertive way.
- If you want to influence friends, colleagues or family, spend some extra time studying and researching the things you talk about and what you do, from your work to your hobbies. Always stay informed, always try to be one step ahead of others and put your knowledge into practice.
- Always give "your best". Be the first to arrive at the office and the last to leave. Invest a few more hours in your home and family, let your actions speak for themselves. Strive to be the best at what you do. Even if you aren't, your efforts will make you more influential.
Step 5. Be charismatic
Charisma is essential for influencing others. It's hard to figure out how to cultivate something that's complicated to even define, but keep in mind that the most important thing is to feel comfortable in your own shoes. Charisma often corresponds to self-confidence. To influence others, relax, be sure that what you say is right, that you are who you are and that what you say matters.
- Make mundane things interesting. The head of Google's Spam division has hundreds of thousands of followers on Twitter, not because spam is a particularly fascinating subject, but because he knows how to make absolutely hilarious tweets on the subject.
- To be even more charismatic, all you have to do is learn to recognize the right moment to withdraw into yourself. Cultivate a bit of mystery in your life, for example by keeping yourself out of a conversation instead of contributing as you normally would: you will be surprised how people will become even more curious about how you think. Influence is also knowing when to be silent.
Step 6. Be credible
It will be easier to influence others if your opinions are credible, well organized, and convincing. From the way you walk to the way you talk, strive to be a credible person.
Find out when it's best to drop a topic. Influential people know when to admit being wrong and when to let go of an idea or opinion that doesn't work. Being influential doesn't mean always being right or convincing others that your words are right when they aren't
Step 7. Inspire those around you
An influential person will also help increase the safety of others, influencing the decisions of those around them and strengthening people's self-esteem. You don't have to be the smartest, the best or the loudest, just let people know that they can benefit from being around you. Easier said than done, perhaps, but the influence on others derives from the union of many skills. Always be positive, speak clearly and purposefully, in the end you will realize that you are influential in the life of others.
Part 2 of 3: Influencing Others
Step 1. Identify the people you most need to be able to influence
If you want to expand your influence, it is important to spend your time focusing on the most significant people. Whether you hold a position of authority or are at the lower rungs of the social ladder, identify the people who can help you make a difference, or those who will most likely get along with you and your ideas.
Don't waste your time and energy on people who don't matter in your life. You certainly don't have to influence everyone you meet. If your colleague has no authority over you, doesn't want to cooperate, and just annoys you, ignore him
Step 2. Be honest
Speaking the truth and influencing others go hand in hand. Make sure you are as honest as possible with the people you want to influence. If you don't like the idea of your employee, be honest and point it out as delicately as possible. Don't hide the inconvenient truths, try to always be honest and people will respect you.
Bluntness can be hard to accept, but it can also be refreshing and motivating. However, it's important to cultivate your sensitivity and pay attention to the fine line between being honest and hurting someone's feelings
Step 3. Base your reports on the conversation
When interacting with others face to face, train yourself to build good relationships, communicating trust and confidence. Having good conversational skills, however, means a lot more than being able to say the right thing at the right time. To build a good relationship, make sure you:
- Keep your distance and defend your personal space;
- Look others in the eye;
- Breathe slowly and keep a calm tone of voice
- Choose your diction based on your interlocutor.
Step 4. Anticipate the reactions of others
If you have guessed what your interlocutor is going to say, it will be much easier to influence him. Try to organize your thoughts and prepare what you need to say in advance so that you don't have to improvise on the spot. Anticipate the reactions and responses of others and think about what you want to express before you even say it.
Step 5. Be available to cooperate
Negotiation and mediation are an important part of influence. By working together to build the best possible ideas, you can make others understand that you are willing to listen. Make sure you consider different points of view and accept input from others. Work as a team.
Let others have their own ideas. If you are convinced that you have the right answer, guide others along the course of your thoughts, but don't come up with the solution right away. When someone else gets there, praise their great idea, even if it was actually yours
Part 3 of 3: Gaining more Influence
Step 1. Remember the names of the people you meet
Little things matter. There is nothing that bothers us more than someone who forgets our name, apologizing with a simple "I'm sorry, I'm bad with names". Try not to be like that. Be that person who only needs to hear a name once to remember it, and then talk to everyone, from the postman to the manager, as if he has known them for years.
Step 2. Listen actively when others are talking
Look people in the eye, nod when you agree and focus on the conversation you are having. Be active and listen carefully: you will find that you are much more influential and collaborative in the conversations you will have. Others will be more likely to tell you the truth and open up to you if you are a good listener.
Don't pretend to listen carefully, really do it. We've all had a boss who nods as you talk to him but then doesn't remember a single word of what you said. Don't be like that too. Really listen carefully and evaluate what others are saying. Don't just wait for your turn to speak
Step 3. Appeal to the creativity of others
People like to feel unique and believe they have good ideas that are respected by others. If you want to influence someone, don't appeal to their sense of duty, their greed or their competitiveness - appeal to their creative side. Give him the opportunity to formulate new ideas and creative ways of thinking; therefore give him the opportunity to pursue his intuitions.
Evaluate creativity, even if it doesn't pay off. If a friend of yours had an original idea for a new business that ultimately failed, praise his resourcefulness. It also celebrates small failures
Step 4. Ask directly for what you want
If you want to influence others, take them in the direction you want. If your boss can grant you the raise you think you deserve, let him know at the right time. Being indirect makes no sense. Cut straight to the point and speak from the heart. If your motives are valid and your influence is strong, you will have a better chance of getting what you want. If you don't try to ask, you'll never know how it could go.
Advice
- Make your goals clear. Clearly state what you want.
- Generally, people are divided between three different mentalities: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Learn to recognize them from the clues that will be provided to you. A visual person will be more likely, for example, to say "Have you seen the latest news?", While an auditory person would say "Have you heard the latest news?". A kinesthetic person might say "I feel that …" when trying to express their emotions. These clues can tell you how to speak best to influence different people.
- Try to use the two language schemes according to the Milton model. The two main categories of language are cause and effect and presupposition.
- Learn to sell what you want. If you want someone to choose, for example, one envelope over another, you can make the alternative you are rooting for more attractive by nudging it slightly towards the person concerned while they are going through the various options, making them think that they have chosen it of their own accord. initiative.
- Take a short pause and speak in a slightly louder voice when you say the number of the envelope you want the other person to choose.
- When you want someone to agree with you, nod as you speak. Your interlocutor will not notice, but his subconscious will.
