You will often ask for a person's phone number in the early stages of a relationship, but it can still be scary! When you ask for a person's number, there is a possibility of an embarrassing rejection, which can hurt even if you barely know the person. If you can't find the courage to do it, don't despair. Even the most experienced and self-confident playboys had the same problem in the beginning. By learning a few simple tricks for asking a person for their number (and figuring out what not to do), it's not hard to improve your confidence a lot in this situation.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: How to Approach
Step 1. Relax
Relaxing is the thing that will help you the most. While it is always difficult (some people might say impossible) to force yourself to relax when you are already in a stressful situation, approach social gatherings where there is a chance that you will ask for a person's number, with a calm and relaxed attitude, it will help you ask this difficult question (and seem much more confident). While everyone relaxes differently, you can try some of the following relaxation methods:
- Meditation.
- Yoga.
- Physical activity.
- Deep breathing.
- Laugh.
- Thinking about the people around you in a funny way (e.g. in underwear, etc.).
Step 2. Make your move before you get discouraged
Often, finding the courage to talk to the person you like is much more difficult than asking for their number. To have the best chance of getting the number, you need to be willing to take the decisive step right away and talk to the person you like without giving yourself the chance to over-analyze the situation and find a reason not to. Don't give yourself the opportunity to be discouraged! It is impossible to get a number without talking to the person concerned.
If you can't find the courage to approach an attractive person, force yourself to take action. Try to give yourself a time limit (10 seconds, for example) beyond which you don't want to wait before going to talk to someone. If you find yourself with friends, ask them to push you to do so instead of giving you a chance to escape
Step 3. Use strong body language
If you look confident, almost everyone will think you are safe - they will have no way of understanding that inside you are trembling like a leaf if you don't say it! Use this to your advantage and adopt proud, confident body language to improve your flirting skills. The best thing about this advice is that it creates a self-reinforcing circle: when people react favorably to your confident attitude, you will feel more confident, and it will be easier to behave confidently. Whatever your gender and appearance, here are some universal tips for looking as confident as possible:
- Don't be afraid to take the space you need. Keep your head up and stand straight with your back. Pull your shoulders back and your chest out. Assume a wide, relaxed pose when you sit down.
- Use firm, relaxed movements. Walk with slow, relaxed steps. Use sweeping, fluid, and simple gestures.
- Show your attention. Orient yourself to face the people you talk to. Make eye contact, but don't stare.
- Don't shut yourself up. Don't cross your arms or legs when you sit down. Don't play with your phone when you get bored. These attitudes indicate that you are not interested in communicating.
Step 4. If you are unsure, find an excuse to talk
Let's be realistic: not everyone is able to approach a stranger to talk to him and ask him for his number. If you fall into this category, you can find reasons to talk to someone and spark a conversation. So-called "ways to break the ice" are some of the world's oldest flirting tricks, but they are surprisingly effective. Don't worry: if you finally manage to ask someone for their number, you won't have to worry about being fake! Here are some ways to start a conversation:
- Ask for advice: "Hey, I love Dostoevsky and I noticed you are reading Memoirs from the underground, would you recommend him?".
- Give a compliment or a comment on a common interest: "Nice shirt by Vasco! Did you go to see him at the concert a few years ago in the city?".
- Ask for help: "Wow! Can you teach me to dance like that?".
- The old classic: "Do you have to light up?" (works for smokers only).
Step 5. Open informally
Nobody likes to be cornered, so when you want to get a phone number, don't put the pressure on. Resist the temptation to open with a catch phrase or an explicit phrase. While making your intentions clear from the start is confident, this approach can often make you appear insincere and superficial. In most cases, it's best not to be too direct. If you need to, use one of the ways above to break the ice, then relax and continue as it seems natural to you, talking about this and that until the atmosphere warms up!
One of the benefits of taking an informal approach is that it allows you to avoid the embarrassment of direct rejection. If in the course of a normal conversation with a person you find that things are getting awkward, you can end the meeting by saying you have something to do. If, on the other hand, you start the conversation with an explicit attempt, if things become awkward it will be more difficult to end the conversation prematurely, because your failure will be evident
Part 2 of 3: Get a Number
Step 1. Create a bond
If you are trying to get a person's number, when you start talking to them, look for an opportunity to stand out over other people they may be talking to by creating a personal bond. You can do this by finding something that both of you like, having a friendly and intense debate about something you both don't like, or just telling each other about your own lives. When you bond with someone, it should be immediately apparent to you: the conversation should "blossom" and become more intense, lively and intimate.
Let's say, for example, that you are at a party where you don't know many of the guests, and you have found the courage to talk to an attractive stranger by making a comment about the band that their shirt refers to. If you've both been to a concert by that group, take the opportunity to share your experience. With any luck, your similar experiences will help you create a personal bond that will make it easier for you to ask for her number
Step 2. Make the other person laugh
One of the best ways to impress someone is to be funny. Everyone loves to laugh! Humor makes us feel good, so people will give you their number much more willingly and will want to spend time with you if they think you have a good sense of humor. Furthermore, it is worth saying that some scientific research has shown that irony and playfulness are among the most attractive traits that it is possible to have in a social interaction.
While showing your comedic side is positive, beware of self-mockery. Don't make people laugh at you - although a little self-deprecation can be a lot of fun when you know a person, making fun of yourself at the first meeting can make you seem nervous and insecure, rather than relaxed and confident
Step 3. Ask for the number at a "good" time in the conversation
The best time to ask for a person's number is right after a good laugh, an obvious bond, or some other fun - in other words, you end up on a happy note! People will be more willing to agree with you if they like you, so asking for the number immediately after scoring a lot of points in the conversation will increase your chances of success (and of receiving mild rejection).
Let's continue with the example situation described above. If you had a nice conversation about a common passion for a band following your comment on the shirt, you might end the conversation with a funny story about something that happened to you at another band's gig. After arousing a good laugh, say you have to run away, but that you should exchange numbers to be able to talk to each other again in the future. With any luck, your timing will increase your chances of success
Step 4. Leave the person wanting to meet you again
You should ask for a person's number at the end of the conversation, not in the middle. When someone gives you their number, don't let the conversation go dull or awkward. Instead, finish it quickly and walk away to do more. This will give the impression that you have a busy and active life (a trait that is often attractive), and may leave the other person with doubts that they will want to clear up with another conversation in the future.
In our example, as noted earlier, we should end the conversation by asking for the number of the person we are talking to, instead of asking for the number and then continuing the conversation as normal. It is evident why this kind of attitude should be avoided, if we imagine the situation: "Thanks for the number! So, have you seen any interesting movies lately?". Going back to being friendly after turning the tone of the conversation off to the romantic can lead to embarrassment (even if you handle things better) and can send very confusing signals
Step 5. Test the number after you get it
It can be very embarrassing to directly refuse to give a number to a person. One of the ways people use to avoid this embarrassment is to give a fake number. If you've just received someone's number, verifying it's the real one with a phone call or text can save you a few days' disappointment. Try typing "I am (your name)" or calling a minute or two after the conversation ends. If you get an answer, you'll know it's the real number. If, on the other hand, no one responds, someone responds who is not the one you spoke to, or you receive an error message, you will know that you have received a fake number.
Don't get mad and don't get mad if you get a fake number. Laugh about being ripped off and forget it right away. No one is obliged to give you his number, so you shouldn't feel betrayed
Step 6. Wait a few days before calling
This is an old dating rule, but it still holds true today. When you get someone's phone number, don't call them the next morning or even in the evening; instead wait a few days before getting in touch. Even if you would like to call right away, because you are overjoyed at getting an attractive person's number, calling too soon can give the impression that you are taking the relationship too seriously, and could scare the other person. Note that some relationship experts recommend waiting at least a week before calling, while others suggest a less conservative minimum waiting period, such as three days.
At this point you should try to keep the relationship informal. Calling immediately after receiving the number can give the impression that your connection with that person is much more serious than it should be. Ironically, this can reduce the chances of a romantic date in the future
Part 3 of 3: Know What to Avoid
Step 1. Don't open a conversation by asking for a number
While it's a good idea to start conversations with people you like without hesitation, avoid being too direct. If you want a person's number, the first words you say don't have to be "Can I have your number?" For some people (who are wrong) to be so direct is a way to demonstrate extreme confidence. For most of the others, however, this is simply bizarre. If you are not an experienced playboy or if you are not looking to experiment or challenge yourself, you will likely have better results with a more traditional approach.
Step 2. Don't give too much importance to the outcome of the conversation
However charismatic and confident you may be, rejection is always a possibility - even if all the people you talk to find you irresistible, some of them will already be "taken"! Since you won't always (or even often) get the number you want, it's best not to have too many expectations. Try not to worry about the outcome of a conversation when you start talking. Instead, focus on having fun, listening to your interlocutor, and bonding with a new person. In this way, if you decide to ask for the number at the end of the conversation, you will have no reason to be disappointed by a rejection: you will still have achieved almost all your goals!
Step 3. Don't end an awkward conversation by asking for the number
You should only do this when the conversation went well, not otherwise. If the conversation becomes awkward for any reason (such as because you accidentally offended the person you're talking to) don't try to catch up by asking for the number. Instead, find a way to gracefully apologize and end the conversation, or, if you really want the number, keep talking and try to repair the damage done. There is nothing worse than asking a person who is obviously uncomfortable for the number, so try to spare yourself this unpleasant outcome.
Step 4. Don't insist if you don't get the number
As mentioned earlier, there are many reasons why a person decides not to give you their number. If the rejection burns you, don't take it out on the person who rejected you: this person has never had the obligation to share their number, so regardless of the goodness of the conversation, they are not wrong because they did not share their number with you.. Reacting with anger or pouting after rejection is always a bad idea - you will give the impression that you are mean, superficial, and conceited, so don't do it. Here are some perfectly legitimate reasons why a person refuses to give you their number (of course these are just a few examples):
- Has a stable relationship.
- She just got out of an important relationship.
- He doesn't want to give his phone number to strangers.
- He does not seek romantic encounters.
- She is not attracted to you.
Advice
- Give it a go. If you don't try you will never be successful.
- A compliment is always a welcome way to start a conversation, but be honest. Don't say you like her green shoes if you find them horrible.
- If you can get the number, don't leave right away. Stay in his company for a while longer, then try saying something like "This is my stop. Hello, see you!”, Or“I have to turn down this street, we'll talk, bye!”.
- You can offer your number to the person you like instead of asking for theirs. Some women feel safer if they don't give their number to people they don't know well. You could also ask for the number as a joke and then add an "Ah, this is mine anyway".
- You could also start by asking for his email. It is a less demanding way to have a contact with him immediately. While she's writing you the email, you could offer her to add her phone number as well. Many people who initially would not have agreed to leave their number end up doing so if asked to do so.
- If you miss the phone number of many friends, try to ask for it when she is also present, so you will have the right opportunity to add hers too. You can offer yourself by saying: “I'm taking other people's phone numbers, can I have yours too?”.
- If it's a guy, and you know he likes you, ask him to drive you home. If he says no, don't be sad! Maybe he's in a hurry.
Warnings
- Don't ask a guy or a girl for the phone number on behalf of your friend. It's not nice, and your friend won't be able to tell if the person he's interested in reciprocating.
- If you really like someone, ask for their phone number in person. Delegating a friend, unless you are very confident, might seem a bit indelicate, as well as a vaguely stalker technique.
- Nobody is obliged to give their phone number. If he doesn't want to, don't insist and leave it alone.
- If a guy agrees to give you his number, it's not a good idea to ask him to pin it on your hand, arm, or anywhere where it can be washed off quickly at the next bathroom stop. Don't, unless you have no other choice.
