If deciding does not come naturally to you, you will have to train your brain to reject indecision and to seize the opportunity to make a choice. Practice making split-second decisions while improving the way you make serious choices with long-term consequences. By doing all of this, you can reduce the bitterness you feel when things don't go your way and ultimately make you a more decisive person.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Train the Brain
Step 1. Make up your mind to be decisive
It might seem like a self-explanatory argument, but the fact remains that you must first make the decision to become a more determined person before you can actually be. If you are indecisive, of course, you will continue to behave this way out of habit. Becoming decisive will require active and conscious effort.
Tell yourself that you are decided - not that "you can be" or "you will become" decided, but that you already "are". On the other hand, it is also necessary to stop repeating yourself that you are undecided and stop telling other people as well
Step 2. Imagine yourself as a purposeful person
Try to imagine it. Ask yourself how it will seem to be more purposeful and how you will look to others once you start taking a more purposeful attitude in question. The more you can conceive of it in your mind, the clearer and more familiar the image will become.
Pay particular attention to the sense of self-confidence and signs of respect from other people. If you are by nature a pessimist, it may be difficult to imagine positive results. Make an effort if you have to, though, and don't fixate on worries that come with things getting messed up or people getting angry at you
Step 3. Stop worrying about "bad" decisions
Recognize that every decision you make is an opportunity to learn, even those that produce a seemingly unfavorable outcome. To learn to see the good in every choice you make, try to be less hesitant than those who show little insecurity.
Step 4. Don't be afraid of your mistakes
Everyone is wrong. It may seem trivial, but it's the truth. Recognizing and accepting this truth won't make you weaker, though. On the contrary, by accepting your imperfection, you can train your mind to stop being apprehensive about it. Once this fear is overcome, you will no longer be able to control yourself and stop.
Step 5. Realize that indecision is also a decision
Something will happen whether you consciously choose it or not. In this sense, not making a decision is equivalent to making a decision. By not making the decision alone, however, you lose control of a situation. Since something comes out of every opportunity for choice, however, you would ultimately be better off making the decision and staying in control than letting it slip out of your hands.
For example, you are torn between two job opportunities. If you refuse to make a decision, either company may withdraw its offer, forcing you to choose the other. The first job might actually have been preferable, but you missed the opportunity because you didn't take the responsibility of making the choice
Part 2 of 4: Practice Being Resolute
Step 1. Small decisions involve questions like:
"What should I have for dinner?" or "Would I have preferred to see a movie or stay home this weekend?". In general, these choices have no long-term consequences and will only affect you or a small group of people.
Create a more advanced situation. Once you are comfortable with small choices, put yourself in situations that need greater resolve in an equally short period of time. The consequences don't have to be too serious, but the choices themselves should be more pressing
Step 2. Create a more advanced situation
Once you are comfortable with small choices, put yourself in situations that need greater resolve in an equally short period of time. The consequences don't have to be too heavy, but the choices themselves should be more pressing.
For example, you can buy two tickets to an event before setting a date or buy ingredients before choosing a recipe to make. If you are worried that something will go to waste, you are more likely to be much more resolute in making the choice to avoid wasting it
Step 3. Make an effort to make a decision
When you are inevitably forced to make a decision instantly, do it. Trust your instincts and learn to listen to it. You will likely stumble a couple of times, but with each experience you can gradually hone and improve your intuition.
In fact, this is a pretty big part of the process. You need to have faith in the idea that you are already capable of making good decisions in a split second. If the initial results suggest anything else, just keep doing it until you gain dexterity and trust that, after having several experiences, that day will come
Part 3 of 4: Making the Best Decisions
Step 1. Set deadlines
When you're faced with a choice that doesn't require an immediate response, give yourself a deadline to make a decision. If a deadline already comes from outside, set an internal deadline separate from the rest to accommodate what comes well before the external deadline.
Most decisions don't take as long to make as you might initially assume. Without a deadline, you're more likely to put them off, which can ultimately produce a greater sense of uncertainty when making a choice
Step 2. Get as much information as possible
Gather as much information as possible about each probable choice related to a given issue. When you know you are well informed, you will automatically feel more capable of coming to a convenient conclusion.
- You must actively search for the information you are looking for. Don't sit idle, waiting for them to fall in front of you. Research the issue that concerns you from as many angles as possible in the time you have.
- Sometimes you can reach the decision in the middle of the search. If this happens, trust your instincts and let him guide you. If it does not happen, however, analyze your research, after having collected as much as possible, and orient yourself in the decision starting from there.
Step 3. List the pros and cons
Practice is an old one, but a good thing. Write down the advantages and disadvantages associated with each possibility. Offering yourself a visual representation of possible consequences can allow you to look at alternatives with greater objectivity.
Also keep in mind that not all "pros" and "cons" are the same. Your "pro" column may only have one or two points, while your "con" column has four or five points, but if the two points in the "pro" column are really important and those four in the "cons" column are enough insignificant, the "pros" can still outweigh the "cons"
Step 4. Take a few steps back from your initial intuitions
If no alternative looks good, ask yourself if you are really looking into all the possible choices in this regard. If you have insights or ideas that prevent you from considering other alternatives, dismantle them and look at the external possibilities without bias.
Some of the limits you set naturally are certainly fine. Breaking down those limits, enough to consider the alternatives that lie beyond, is not wrong, because you will always be able to realize if these alternatives are not suitable. Giving yourself more options does not mean being blind to bad choices; it just means having a chance to find a good alternative that you would never have considered before
Step 5. Imagine the result
Imagine what things will be like based on a certain decision. Imagine both the good and the bad. Do this with each option, then ask yourself which foreseen eventuality is ultimately best.
Also consider how you feel. Imagine how you will feel when choosing one alternative over another, and ask yourself if one choice will leave you satisfied, when another can make you feel empty
Step 6. Identify your priorities
Sometimes there is no way to escape some annoyance. When this happens, ask yourself what your most important priorities are. Stubborn to meet those priorities on the issues you find least nagging.
- Sometimes this means defining what the core values are. For example, when making a choice about the future of your relationship, ask yourself what you really consider important in a relationship. If sincerity and understanding are more important to you than passion, you'd better be with a sincere and loving person rather than a liar who loves the risk of adventure.
- Other times it means determining which consequences are of greater importance than others. If you have to make a decision about a project and realize that you cannot meet both your budget and your quality requirements, ask yourself if budget or quality matters more in that project.
Step 7. Reflect on the past
Scroll through your memories and think about any decisions you have faced in the past that may be similar to the situation you are in. Think about the choices you made and then ask yourself how they turned out. Be inspired by these and act opposite to wrong choices.
If you have a habit of making bad choices, ask yourself what could be causing it. For example, perhaps most of your bad decisions are based on a lust for wealth or power. If so, then rule out those options that might satisfy that desire and consider other alternatives
Step 8. Stay anchored in the present
While you can reflect on the past to help find guidance in the present, ultimately it is necessary to remember that you live in the present. The anxieties and fears about things that have happened in the past should be left where they are.
Part 4 of 4: Dealing with the aftereffects
Step 1. Keep a journal and go back to what you write
Write a report on the main choices you make and the reasoning behind each choice. When you start to doubt or falter about one of those decisions, read what you've written about it. Reading the thought process behind the decision can often help strengthen one's resolve.
You can also study this diary during "rest" periods, when you don't have to make any decisions or when the consequences of a past decision don't weigh on your mind. Read your notes carefully to see the thought process and examine it objectively. Evaluate your past choices, asking yourself what brings you to success and what to failure, and take notes for the future
Step 2. Avoid living in the past
When a decision turns out to be unwise, analyze what went wrong, then move on and move on to the next choice. Regret will do you no good. It won't set you back in time, but it can get in the way and usually it happens.
