Crying is part of the natural impulses of man. It is the first form of communication for newborns, which we also use once they are grown up. It allows us to express our feelings, and some studies even suggest that it represents a plea for help from the people around us. It can also be an emotional or behavioral response to something we see, hear, or think. It also happens to feel the need to isolate ourselves to let ourselves go to a "good cry". It is absolutely normal, but also very cathartic. However, if it is excessive, it can physically strain you, increase your heart rate, and speed up your breathing. It is understandable that you want to stop crying when you are very upset. Fortunately, there are various measures that can be taken in these cases.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Understanding the Reason You Are Crying
Step 1. Calm yourself with deep breathing
It's not easy while sobbing, but do your best to inhale deeply (through your nose if possible), hold the air for a count of 7 and slowly expel it for a count of 8. Repeat the exercise 5 times. If you can't stop, you risk hyperventilating - a frightening experience if anxiety has already taken over. Try to breathe deeply several times during the day or when you are feeling particularly stressed.
By taking long, deep breaths you can keep hyperventilation at bay, slow your heart rate, improve blood circulation throughout your body, and reduce stress
Step 2. Identify sad and negative thoughts
Many times you cannot stop crying because you are assailed by sad and negative thoughts. Maybe you think "He left me forever" or "I have no one who …". At the moment you may believe that recognizing what is on your mind makes the situation worse, but it is the first step that allows you to regain control of your thoughts and your tears.
If you can't do it right now, think about what you were thinking when you stopped crying later
Step 3. Write down everything that troubles you
If you are too upset to compose a complete sentence, feel free to write down anything, even in a messy way, or even scribble. You can simply draw up a list of incomplete sentences, fill a page with a word in large letters that represents your mood or fill a paper with terms that indicate various emotions. The essential thing is that you are able to put everything that troubles you in writing in order to get it out of your head. Later, when you have calmed down, you can reflect and reason on all the nuances that shape your mood.
For example, you could write "Oppressed" or "Wounded", "Betrayed", "Offended". By writing down everything that ails you, you will also be better prepared to face any discussion with who might harm you
Step 4. Physically distract yourself
To stop the vicious cycle of negative thoughts, try to distract yourself by squeezing your muscles or holding an ice cube in your hand or running it over your neck. The goal is to divert attention from the thoughts that haunt you until you find calm.
- Try to distract yourself with music. Rock gently to calm down and regain centrality with respect to the surrounding reality. Also, if you start singing, you can regain control of your breathing and focus on something else.
- Take a walk. By changing the scenario, you will be able to stop the most negative and nagging thoughts. Physical activity also helps you help stabilize your breathing and heart rate.
Step 5. Correct your posture
Facial expressions and body posture affect our mood. If you frown or stoop with your back downcast, you may have an even more negative view of the situation. If you can, try to change. Stand straight with your back and put your hands on your sides, or try to roar like a lion and immediately change expression by pursing your lips as if you had eaten a lemon wedge).
By changing your posture, you can get out of the hellish spiral of uninterrupted crying until you regain calm
Step 6. Try progressive muscle relaxation
It is a technique that allows you to contract and relax various parts of the body. Start by squeezing your face muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds as you inhale. Then unfold them quickly as you exhale, finally relax your face. Then contract your neck and relax it, then move to your chest, hands, and so on, all the way to your feet.
- Practice these relaxation exercises regularly to avoid building up too much stress.
- Progressive muscle relaxation will allow you to understand where you hold the tension when you cry hard.
Step 7. Remember that everything passes
Even if you feel desperate in these moments, try to remind yourself that what you are experiencing is fleeting and will not last forever. By doing this, you will be able to distance yourself and get a bigger picture of the situation.
Wet your face with cold water. The physical perception of cold can momentarily distract you and help you regain control of your breathing. In addition, fresh water relieves eye swelling that occurs when you cry out loud
Part 2 of 2: Reflect on the Problem and Hold Back the Tears
Step 1. Ask yourself if this is becoming a problem
Do you feel like you are crying too much? Although it is subjective, on average women cry 5.3 times a month, while men cry 1.3 times. Mostly it is sobbing or a few tears. These figures do not necessarily take into account times when crying is most common due to emotional trauma due, for example, to a romantic breakup, the death of a loved one, or other painful life events. When you burst into tears without being able to stop and notice that crying fits are affecting your personal and work life, then this is a problem that needs to be solved.
It is very likely that in emotionally tough times you feel dead-end, obsessed with sad and negative thoughts
Step 2. Think about the reason
You may cry more often if something in your life is a source of anxiety or stress. For example, if you are dealing with the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship, crying is a normal and understandable reaction. However, life itself can become a series of grueling events that cause you to cry without knowing why.
In this case, excessive crying can indicate a more serious problem, such as anxiety or depression. If you cry frequently without understanding the reason why you feel sad, useless, irritable, start to have pain, eating disorders, sleep problems or suicidal thoughts, you may be suffering from depression. Consult your doctor to find suitable treatment
Step 3. Identify the triggers
Begin to become aware of the situations that lead you to have crying fits and write them down. When do they happen? Are there specific days, situations or scenarios when you can't hold back the tears? What elements trigger a crying fit?
For example, if a particular band reminds you of your ex, remove them from your playlists and avoid listening to the songs you are most sensitive to. The same goes for photos, perfumes, places and so on. If you don't want to collapse in the face of a trigger, you may want to keep it away from you
Step 4. Keep a journal
Write down your negative thoughts and ask yourself if they are rational. Likewise, consider whether your ideals are sensible and realistic. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Therefore, try to list all the successes and things that make you happy. Think of your journal as a ledger to write down everything you are grateful for.
Update it daily. When you feel like crying, read what you have written so that you remember what makes you happy
Step 5. Be self-critical
Ask yourself: "How can I manage conflict situations?". Do you generally react by losing your temper? You cry? Do you ignore them? You may burst into tears if you let the differences escalate by putting everything under the rug. Knowing how to react to conflicts you will be able to identify the path to take.
Ask yourself, "Who is in control?" Take back control of your life, so you can manage what happens. For example, instead of saying, "If the professor hadn't been so treacherous, I would have passed the exam," you admit that you have not studied enough and that the result has been poor. Next time, roll up your sleeves and reap the rewards of your labor
Step 6. Realize that thoughts affect mood and behavior
If you are obsessed with bad thoughts, negativity may take over. You may even fall into sad memories of events that happened a long time ago that don't help you stop crying. This attitude can be deleterious and induce an uncontrollable crying fit. Once you are aware of the effects of your thoughts, start changing them in order to improve the situation.
For example, if you keep saying "I'm not up to it," you may start to feel insecure or hopeless. Learn to stop negative thoughts before they affect your emotional well-being
Step 7. Get help
Try reaching out to a friend or family member to share your concerns with them. Call him or ask if he's available for coffee. If there is no one you feel free to talk to, try contacting a listening telephone line, such as Telefono Amico (02 2327 2327).
If you cry often and think you need more concrete help, a mental health professional can give it to you. It can develop a path that allows you to regain control of your thoughts and manage them properly
Step 8. Know what to expect when you go to therapy
To choose a psychotherapist, contact your doctor, consult the portals for the search for psychological counselors or ask some friends for advice. Once identified, during the first session you will be asked some questions to embark on the path of therapy. In this case, you might say, "I cry a lot and would like to understand why this happens and how to control myself", or simply say, "I feel sad." The psychotherapist will investigate what you have experienced by inviting you to tell it.
Define the goals of therapy with your therapist and work out a plan together to achieve them
Advice
- When you feel the need to cry, ask yourself, "Should I do it? Does the situation allow me?" Sometimes crying is good and can be very cathartic, but it's not always appropriate.
- To avoid crying in public, try raising your eyebrows, as if you are surprised. It is very difficult for tears to fall like this. Yawning or chewing on an ice cube may also be helpful.
- Excessive crying can cause dehydration and, in turn, dehydration promotes headaches. When you have cleared up, drink a glass of water.
- To calm down, wet a towel with warm water and place it on your neck. If you have already calmed down, take a cold washcloth and place it over your eyes or forehead to relax and sleep better.
- It is normal to have a good cry to let off steam. Try going to a place where you can be alone and calm down.
- Sometimes, it's easier to talk about your problems with strangers. In this way it is possible to observe them from a different perspective.
- Try speaking to yourself in a calm, relaxing tone.
- Curl up next to your furry friend. Animals can't give advice, but they can't judge either.
- Keep writing down your thoughts. As soon as they cross your mind, ask yourself questions to evaluate them. Try to keep them in check.
- Tell yourself that everything will be fine no matter what the situation is, and remember that there are people who can help you.
