Death is often considered a taboo. It's inevitable, but we live thinking it will never come for us and the people we love. When we encounter the loss of a loved one or realize we are dying, we are shocked and devastated. Despite this, death is the only certainty we have in life and meeting it is an integral part of being human.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Mourning the Death of a Loved One
Step 1. Take the pain calmly
You may need time to deal with the death of a loved one, even if you expected it. There is no "standard" period in which to feel sorry, it is a personal experience. Let your emotions flow and don't hold them back.
- When someone dies, many people don't feel like crying, but they get angry or show any other kind of emotion. However, feeling pain is natural and is an important step in coping with death. If you have to hold back your feelings, take some time to be alone.
- When you are alone, find any way to be able to release your emotions and relax. Scream, cry, write, reflect; go to the top of a mountain and scream into the void; punch a punching bag until you feel nothing more. For some people, it helps to write down their feelings in a journal or notebook - this could be a great tool if you don't feel like sharing them with someone else.
Step 2. Consider taking some time off
You may need to cry and process the situation without facing the complications of everyday life. If you need it, take a couple of days off from work, talk to your boss, and explain the situation to him. Tell him you need time to recover from the loss - in most cases he will understand.
- If you can't take a break, make the most of your free time. If you have children, you can hire a babysitter so they are still supervised by someone in case they need to let off steam, and if you need to, you can do it yourself.
- Having time to dedicate to yourself is good for your health and it is perfectly normal to feel the need after the death of a loved one. However, it's not healthy to quit your job and lock yourself up: you don't have to forget the deceased person, but you can't dwell on their death forever.
Step 3. Remember
The one you lost may be gone, but it remains in your thoughts. Think about the happy or funny moments you shared, what you loved most about him, and why you loved his qualities so much.
- You can create a photo album and look at it whenever you miss it. It may trace unpleasant feelings, but it will also help you remember wonderful moments.
- If the deceased person was truly special to you, consider telling your partner, your children, and friends how positively they impacted your life. You may even inspire someone else to be as kind, caring, or passionate as the one you lost.
Step 4. Look for someone who can listen
If you let it out, you may feel better: find someone who listens to you without judging. It could be a member of your family, a close friend you trust, or a therapist. It can be helpful to talk to those who are not involved in the situation.
- Taking a weight off your chest can help relieve pain. Sometimes you just need a friendly ear that can listen to you and whoever hands it to you doesn't need to talk much.
- You have to talk to someone you trust and who does not reveal what you say to others: they must keep your confidences to themselves. You are going through a traumatic experience and you deserve your privacy. If you think there is no one in your life up to this task, go to a therapist, counselor, or even a priest.
Method 2 of 3: Move On with Your Life
Step 1. Start moving forward
Live your life in the present, not in the past. It is important to take time to mourn after the loss of a loved one, but it is equally important not to put your life on permanent pause. Continue to pursue your dreams and focus on your goals - if there is one thing you can learn from death, it is never to take your life for granted. Live with passion and joy and be proactive, as if every day could be your last.
Step 2. Try to stave off regrets
You will feel at peace with yourself if you can appreciate the good times past, without focusing on what could have been. Try to accept the mistakes you've made, after all to err is human. Sometimes, sadly, that's the best you can do, even if you're really sorry about something.
- Try to think rationally: is it really my fault or was there something that prevented me from acting? Is there anything I can do now or is it now a thing of the past?
- If you still feel guilty, try talking to someone else who was close to the deceased person; it will most likely comfort you and reassure you that you are not at fault.
Step 3. Be there for others
If you are tired, there is a good chance that others are too. Comfort each other, talk about the deceased person, keep their memory alive and support each other in the difficult moments that await you. Try not to exclude them from your life, even if you feel the need to be alone; you will need emotional support like never before to deal with this tragedy.
Step 4. Consider cleaning the house
Choose whether to throw away or keep everything that belonged to the deceased person or pet: photographs, documents, papers, notes, letters, mattresses, sheets, clothes, shoes and accessories. Choose whether to renovate or repaint the room where he slept: it will be easier to keep going if you are not constantly surrounded by memories of the past.
- You can store items in an attic, cellar, garage or warehouse for a fee. The important thing is to remove everything from your life that reminds you of the deceased as soon as possible.
- Consider keeping some items as a memento. Keeping for yourself something that was dear to the deceased, such as jewelry, a cup or his favorite book, will help you not to forget it; leaving all her clothes in the closet, on the other hand, only serves to keep you stuck in the past.
Step 5. Consider getting help from a professional
If you are feeling depressed, blocked, or overwhelmed with emotions, it may be helpful to speak to a counselor. Find a therapist or counselor who is well recommended and pay a visit. It is important to have someone to talk to and friends are not always enough. A psychologist can help you manage your feelings and get back on track.
- You may not jump for joy at the idea of going to a "shrink," but there is nothing to be ashamed of asking for help when you don't know how to move forward. You don't have to tell others you're going to therapy if you don't feel like it.
- Before making an appointment, read the reviews on the psychologist of your choice. Search the site [1] for a professional in your area, you can read the credentials and the price range for each of them.
Method 3 of 3: The Five Stages of Pain
Step 1. Consider the five stages of pain
In 1969, the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published a book entitled "Death and Dying", which deals with her work on terminally ill patients. He developed a model called the five stages of pain: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Everyone experiences distress differently, and these phases don't necessarily take place in that order, but they can give you an indication of what lies ahead.
Step 2. Identify the denial phase
The first thing you need to learn about the death of a loved one is that you will not accept the situation right away. It is a normal reaction, it serves to rationalize the emotions that overwhelm us: it is like a defense mechanism that attenuates the immediate shock. This way you get through the first wave of pain and bewilderment.
Step 3. Recognize the anger phase
When the effect of denial begins to diminish, the reality of the facts could overwhelm you. If you are not prepared to deal with this pain, you may subconsciously divert it to friends, relatives, strangers or objects. Try to remain objective and recognize this deviation. You can't control your feelings, but you can choose whether to let them control you or not.
Step 4. Be aware that the bargaining phase exists
Many people react to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability by trying to regain control. In dying patients this often turns into desperate attempts to cling to life. During mourning, it often manifests itself in continually mulling over what happened: if only I had been there for her … If only we had gone to the hospital first … If only, if only, if only.
Step 5. Get over the depression phase
When the desperate negotiation phase ends, you may not be able to avoid reality. You will likely have to worry about the burial costs or feel a strong sense of regret; you may feel empty, sad, lonely and discouraged at the idea of having to move on with your life. This is part of the healing process. Take your time.
Step 6. Accept the situation
The last stage of pain comes as you begin to recover and is characterized by resignation and calm. Accept that your loved one is gone and acknowledge that you need to move on too. Embrace the present as a new reality and face the consequences of what happened.
Acceptance does not happen overnight. It does not mean that you are happy, it just means that you have overcome denial, anger, negotiation and depression. Just like a burnt forest that slowly heals, sprouts and blooms again, your life will blossom again, with new hope. Give it a chance
Advice
- Whether or not you are prepared for death will not make things easier for you. Never think that you are responsible for it and don't necessarily look for someone to blame, because you will feel worse. The best thing for your mental health is to cry and let yourself go, it will be a sad and difficult time to get through. Take baby steps every day and try to distract yourself, but take the time to grieve.
- It can be difficult to keep going, but time heals every wound. Rest assured that you will be able to be happy again.
