You really like someone, and maybe you've told a close friend or yourself. This person, however, is now dating a friend of yours.
What to do about it?
Steps
Step 1. Find out why your friend is dating the person you like
Is it because they really like it? Is their relationship shallow? Or did this friend take an interest in the person you like to hurt you?
Step 2. Decide how to react
You will be jealous of course, and you will probably feel hurt. You may not even trust your friend anymore. Don't let emotions dominate you. It can be especially difficult if you are a teenager. Don't be afraid to ask someone you trust for help! A parent, psychologist, or close adult friend would be ideal.
Step 3. Decide if you want to save your friendship
If you want to be friends with the person you like, you need to act now. Evaluate your friendship. Did your supposed friend do this to hurt you? Did your friend know how you felt about the person she's dating? There are many aspects to consider. If you decide to end your relationship, you should understand how.
Step 4. Start to recover
A little good old therapy never hurt anyone. In fact it can only help! Talk about your problems with someone you completely trust. Let it out. You can do this by writing a letter to someone who makes you angry, or you could write a song describing how you feel. Poems will be fine too. A simple scream into a pillow can work wonders. Finally, remember to love yourself. Not being in a relationship with someone will NEVER diminish your worth. If things haven't worked out between you and the person you like, what's the problem? She's the one to lose us! If your friend has no respect for your feelings, worse for the person she's dating!
Step 5. Fill the void
Whether or not you decide to break up with your friend, you'll still lose someone you cared about. Either you'll lose your supposed friend forever, or you'll just have to let go of your crush. This pain will leave a void. You have to find something that makes you feel whole again. You could learn to play an instrument, volunteer at your church, or start going to the gym. Find something that you make you happy. You are worth too much to think about other people's relationships!
Step 6. Go ahead
Go out and meet other people. Go out with friends on Saturday nights (in this case, you'd better avoid the company of your friend and the person you liked). Make a commitment not to think about your crush anymore. It will take time, but you CAN do it! Throw away anything that can remind you of it. This is a painful but necessary step. You are worth too much to let this sadden you. Keep moving forward, make commitments and you will soon be yourself again.
Advice
- Seek comfort in your true friends to get through this moment.
- If you break your friendship with your friend, do not take it back later. It is not healthy to leave and resume relationships! Remember, if you decided this was the best thing to do, trust your instincts.
- Remember you have a life to live. People come and go and you shouldn't have a crush on them. Your feelings will pass and be replaced by others. Don't let a permanent situation hurt you forever.
- Don't worry and get on with your life!
- If a friend of yours is dating someone you like, it doesn't mean you should do the same, because you would just be wrong too.
- Volunteering is a great idea! It will keep you busy, and it's a selfless action that will make you feel better about yourself.
Warnings
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While depression and anger are normal reactions to such a situation, the same is not true of suicidal or violent thoughts! If you happen to think like this, seek the help of a professional now!
- Do not give any advice to the new couple. If they broke up, they could blame you and you would end up losing both of them.
