It can be frustrating to relate to a teenager. Adolescence is a time of rebellion and insecurity, which puts a strain on relationships with others. However, by listening carefully, refraining from judging and giving your availability in case of need, you can come to recover the relationship with a teenager.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Saving a Parent-Teen Relationship
Step 1. Recognize behavioral patterns
Teenagers tend to be very insecure. They don't want to feel like someone is judging them for their choices. When you talk to your child, instead of blaming him, identify behavioral patterns that are compromising your relationship. It is more effective to fight these patterns than to berate a guy for the way he behaved.
- Try to see the situation from his point of view. Why do you think he is opposed to having a healthy relationship with you? What is your position when you fight? Is there anything about your behavior that undermines your communication?
- Don't think about who is right. Find the patterns that govern behaviors. What attitudes create a negative climate in the family and how can you work together to solve the problem? Try talking by saying, "I noticed that when I ask you to put the dirty dishes in the sink and you say yes, most of the time you leave them on the table and I have to do it myself. This neglect makes me nervous. In your opinion, what can we do to effectively solve this problem? ".
Step 2. Stay in the present
When a relationship with a family member fuels your frustration, you are led to think back to some past moments. In this way, you try to gather evidence that you are right, while the other is wrong. Such a strategy can be counterproductive when trying to recover a relationship. You have to do everything to move forward, so by dwelling on the past, you do not put yourself in a position to overcome the old hostilities. When interacting with your child, focus on the present and the problem that has arisen between you.
Step 3. Be available to him
You can't make him talk to you. If you try to force it, it may pull away. However, if you go out of your way to make yourself available, your child will spontaneously come to you when he or she needs it.
- Let him know that if he needs you, you are always willing to talk. Don't push him or make him feel obligated to open up. Just tell him: "If you need me, I'm always ready to listen to you."
- Let them know that they can contact you when you are not at home. Give him your work phone number in case of an emergency. Send him a message if you can't answer a call from him.
Step 4. Limit your judgments
Teenagers are known to be insecure. If your child has the impression that you judge him, he may be moving away from you. So, don't do this when you talk to him.
- It is normal for a boy to start engaging in new behaviors during adolescence. When sexual urges emerge, your child may be curious and attracted to certain aspects that belong to the world of adults, such as drinking alcohol. Give him the opportunity to confide in you without judging him, but making sure you put his safety first. Don't be afraid to talk to him about the risks of alcohol and unprotected sex. Just make sure that she clearly understands that you want her happiness and that she is not in danger. Don't frame the speech by giving him the feeling that you are judging him.
- For example, try saying, "I know teens are curious to try new things, but I want you to be happy and safe. Can we find a time to talk about alcohol and drug use this week?"
Step 5. Focus on your efforts rather than results
Regardless of age, when people try to recover a relationship, they sometimes have a narrow view. They believe it is best to focus on possible outcomes. The obsession with reaching a goal, often difficult to control in relation to an interpersonal bond, impairs the ability to concentrate. However, if you invest your energies in concrete efforts, you will physiologically arrive at the goals you have set for yourself.
Step 6. Learn to talk to your child
Many parents have a hard time talking to kids. If you want to build a healthier relationship with your child, learn how to communicate with them effectively.
- Refrain from judging him in your conversations, but always be honest. If certain topics inevitably involve critical and hostile behavior, interrupt the conversation by saying, "I don't think we should talk about it."
- Find time for a chat. If you only discuss your relationship problems, conversations will always seem stressful and forced. Talk about funny and unimportant things, like movies, TV shows, gossip, and other enjoyable topics.
- Gradually build a dialogue with your child. You can't expect it to open up and become your friend overnight. Take baby steps when you need to salvage a relationship.
Step 7. Listen
Sometimes parents are guilty of not listening to their children. Having a healthy relationship with them means listening to what they want and need and seeing them as they deserve.
- Listen to it carefully. It is important that children feel they are listened to and appreciated. Use non-verbal communication, perhaps nodding and smiling at appropriate times, to show your child that you are listening. Repeat what he just said, summarizing it briefly. For example, if he confides in you the feeling of being excluded from friends at last week's football match, say, "So, are you convinced they didn't invite you because you think they don't want to be with you?". This way you will show attention and interest in his story.
- By listening carefully, you will prevent any misunderstanding from ruining your relationships. Also, you will be forced to follow and assimilate what your interlocutor is saying, namely your child in this case.
Step 8. Look out for symptoms of anxiety and depression in teens
When it is latent, a psychological problem such as depression or anxiety could compromise the relationship with your child. These disorders can manifest themselves differently in teens than in adults, so learn to recognize the warning signs.
- Sadness, frequent bouts of crying, fatigue, loss of interest, and difficulty concentrating are depressive symptoms in both adolescents and adults. There are, however, some symptoms that tend to be more evident in the former than in the latter. They include irritability or anger, pain of various kinds, susceptibility to criticism, and estrangement from friends and family.
- When a boy is suffering from anxiety and depression, he can misbehave to cope with his suffering. He may have problems in school, performance and conduct, and develop an Internet addiction or abuse drugs and alcohol. He can suffer from low self-esteem, engage in dangerous behaviors, and sometimes attack people.
Part 2 of 2: Reclaiming a Teenage Relationship
Step 1. Listen carefully
If you intend to go out of your way to save a relationship, work on improving your listening skills. When someone tries to communicate with you, do your best to show them that you are listening.
- Listening carefully means sending verbal and non-verbal signals to indicate attention to what is being said. Every now and then nod and say "yes" and "mh-mh". Smile and laugh at the right times.
- When it's your turn to speak, quickly repeat what your interlocutor said. Briefly summarize the main points of his speech by saying: "I understand that you think …" or "I realize that you feel a lot …".
Step 2. Apologize
If a friend or partner is in pain because of your behavior, apologize. Guys often worry about what others think and, therefore, hesitate to apologize. However, whether you believe you are wrong or not, you should offer your sincere apology if you have hurt a person's feelings. An apology can go a long way when you intend to recover a relationship.
Step 3. Don't judge
To save a relationship, it is important to refrain from judgment. Try to put aside whatever circumstances caused a disagreement. Go ahead without judging, despite past hostilities. Make an effort to see things from the other person's point of view. Even if you feel hurt, ask yourself what caused her to behave a certain way.
Step 4. Identify the qualities you want in a friend
Ask yourself if this relationship is really worth recovering. Due to insecurity, teenagers often make bad decisions about their relationships. Know the qualities a good friend should have.
- Think about the best friendships of the past, but also about your family relationships. What do you appreciate about these relationships? Did you feel supported, protected, safe? Did you feel this way even when a relationship was falling apart? Why or why not?
- Surround yourself with friends who bring out the best in yourself. If you don't like how you behave around someone in particular, it's probably not worth spending so much time on this friendship.
- Reconnect only with people who treat you with respect. There is a reason why they got ruined. If you feel like someone is disrespecting you, it's okay if you want to end your relationship.
Step 5. Learn to recognize the signs of a bad relationship
Friendships and romantic relationships can turn into relationships characterized by violence. Teenagers often don't know what the dynamics of a healthy relationship are, because they are focused on themselves and the world around them. Understand when there is a lack of balance in a relationship so you know which people to avoid.
- Aggressive people tend to be very jealous. An abusive friend or boyfriend gets jealous easily and is afraid of being abandoned. He doesn't trust you when you try to alleviate his fears and probably ignores everything you say.
- Aggressive people often exhibit outbursts of anger. They may swear, yell at their partner, or blame them for problems they can't handle. Sometimes, this anger can turn into violence. You should never stand next to a person who can physically harm you.
