Losing sight of some people is an unpleasant aspect of life. In particular, as you get older and meet more people, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain all of your relationships. If you haven't heard from someone in a long time, whether it's an old friend, a former colleague, or a previous partner, you can decide to contact them to find out how they are. Doing so may scare you, but it's often not as difficult as it sounds. If you think about a person often, they probably have good memories of you too and will be happy to hear from you!
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Initiate the Phone Call
Step 1. Find the number of the person you want to call
If you haven't talked to her for a long time, you may have lost her number. Check if you have it in your mobile or in your address book; if you don't have it anymore, you can get it in the following ways.
- Ask a mutual friend. You can ask a friend or colleague who you have in common for this person's number.
- Contact the person on social media. If you are friends on Facebook or if you can get in touch with her through another site, write her a message. Try saying: "Hi Laura! The other day I was thinking about you, I hope everything goes well in Milan. How are you? If you want to talk, my number is 333-3333333".
- Do a Google search. If you don't have any mutual friends and you have no way to contact the person on the web, google their name. You will likely find information that you can use to get in touch with her.
Step 2. Call at a suitable time
If you know when the person has free time, call them at those times. If you don't know when to call, avoid early mornings and evenings after 9pm. Also avoid calling during the most common business hours, between 9am and 5pm. The best time to call is the weekend in the afternoon or between 18 and 21 on weekdays.
Step 3. Explain who you are
When the other person answers the phone, say hello and tell them who you are. If you haven't had any contact for some time, they won't expect a call from you, especially if they don't have your number. You can say: "Hi Marco, how are you? I'm Chiara from Rome!".
Remind your old friend where you are from. If you haven't talked to each other for a while, it may confuse you with other people who have the same name as you and not recognize you. If you give her context, it will be much easier for her to understand who you are
Step 4. Explain why you were thinking about her
Something must have prompted you to pick up the phone and call this person. Even if there is no specific reason, tell what led you to do it. Thanks to this information, your phone call will seem less unexpected.
- You might say, "I just reread the book you gave me last year and it made me think of you!"
- Or you might say "I was thinking about you the other day."
Step 5. If necessary, apologize for not being heard from again
It can happen that two people lose sight of each other. If, however, you feel that you could have done more to stay in touch or that it is partly your fault that a distance has built up between you, admit your mistakes.
- Try saying, "I'm sorry I never spoke up after the wedding!"
- An apology is enough. If you spent the entire phone call apologizing, you would make the other person feel uncomfortable.
Method 2 of 4: Have a Conversation
Step 1. Ask the other person how they are doing
Just ask her "How's it going?" You will give her the opportunity to explain how she is and to tell you what she has been up to since you last spoke. Instead of worrying about what you will say next, listen carefully.
Step 2. Ask follow-up questions
Something the other person said probably caught your curiosity and you would like to know more. Such a question is a great way to continue the conversation.
- For example, if a friend told you he became a university professor, ask him what subject he teaches.
- If you can't think of anything to ask, ask a question relevant to the circumstances in which you met. For example, if you were friends in high school, ask if she stayed in touch with some of your old school friends.
Step 3. Tell what you did
After your interlocutor tells you what he has been doing since you last spoke, it is your turn to do the same. Tell him about your job or academic career, as well as any major developments in your life. You can mention your new pets or hobbies you've started following.
For example, you might say, "I moved to Bologna and work for a charity."
Step 4. Describe the reasons why you are contacting the person
There is probably a reason you decided to call. For example, you might want to ask for a donation to a charity event, or borrow something. If you are calling for a specific reason, speak about it at this point in the call. If you just wanted to have a chat with the other person, continue with the conversation.
Step 5. Talk about old memories together
A great way to rekindle a conversation with an old acquaintance is to recall past memories. Talk about the memories that bind you, or about the places and people who brought you together.
- For example, if you are a childhood friend, you can say, "I remember when we made Grandma's cookies together."
- While mentioning only happy memories is a safer choice, you can also explain how this person's friendship helped you. You can say, "When my mother died, it was very important to have you by my side."
Step 6. Remember to smile
While you speak, smile. Many people forget to do this when they are on the phone, but this gesture makes your tone of voice open and friendly. The other person cannot look you in the face, so your tone of voice is very important in letting them know that you are happy to talk to them.
Step 7. Avoid unsavory arguments
Don't make the conversation awkward by asking uncomfortable questions or mentioning topics you should avoid. This advice is especially important if you are phoning your ex.
Say "How's it going with the guy you dumped me for?" it would make the conversation awkward for both of you
Step 8. Don't prolong the call too long
The thought of getting back in touch with an old friend probably thrills you, but make sure you don't talk too much. You don't know what commitments he has or how busy he is. Remember that there is no need to tell all the things that have happened to you since the last time you spoke and that you will be able to call him again after a short time.
A quarter of an hour is enough time to be updated on a person's life. If, however, your old friend seems excited to keep talking, go ahead and keep the call
Method 3 of 4: Ending the Conversation
Step 1. Explain that you enjoyed talking to your old acquaintance
When you have the feeling that the conversation has reached its natural end or when one of you has to go, you can say "It was a real pleasure to talk to you" or "I am very happy that we heard." You will make it clear to your interlocutor how much you enjoyed the call.
Step 2. Schedule a meeting
After talking, you may decide to meet in person. Try saying "We should meet sometime". If you want to be more specific, invite the person over for lunch or coffee.
Step 3. Explain that you would like it if you stayed in touch
If you don't have time to meet your interlocutor or if you live in different places, but would still like to talk to him from time to time, you can say: "Let's try to keep in touch". If you want to be more specific, tell him "I'll call you next week" or "I'll call you after my trip to Spain to tell you how it went!".
Step 4. Say hello
When you're done expressing how much pleasure you enjoyed talking to your old friend again, it's time to say goodbye. You can choose a simple sentence, because you have already guided the conversation towards its conclusion. You can say, "Ok, see you soon. Take care."
Method 4 of 4: Leave a Message
Step 1. Say hello and leave your name
It is possible that you will not receive an answer and will be forced to speak to the answering machine. When you leave the message, start as if the person has replied to you, greeting and explaining who is speaking.
You can say: "Hi Marco, I'm Debora, your partner at law university!"
Step 2. Explain that you hope your old friend is okay
After saying your name, continue with "I hope you are well" or "I hope you and Chiara are well". You will show that you care about the other person's happiness; it would be as if I asked her to talk about herself in a normal conversation.
Step 3. Explain the reason for your call
If you're calling for a specific reason, like because you need a favor or want to ask a question, say it in the message. If you just want to get back in touch with an old acquaintance, you can say, "The other day I was thinking about you and I decided to call you." You don't need a complicated reason or story, just tell them that the person came to your mind.
Step 4. Mention something about yourself
With a few sentences, tell how you are and what you did. A few words about how you spent your time are enough. Keep it short and don't go too far or you will give the impression that you are more interested in yourself than in the person you are calling.
For example, you can say, "I'm fine. I've just started a new job as a social media coordinator and have started playing tennis again."
Step 5. Ask to be called back
Explain that you are sorry that you were unable to speak to the person you called and ask if they can call you back. Make sure you leave your number and the best time to contact you.
Say, "Call me back when you have time to talk! I'm usually free after dinner, if that's okay with you."
Step 6. Say hello
Say hello shortly after you leave your contact information. For example: "Well, I hope to hear from you soon, bye".
Advice
- Take a few deep breaths before dialing the number. You will feel less nervous.
- Always speak in a clear and loud voice, especially if you are leaving a message.
- If the other person doesn't seem enthusiastic about talking to you, don't take it as personal offense. People change and some of us prefer not to maintain friendly relationships with those who live in cities other than our own.
- If you and the person you're calling have been in a complicated relationship, you may feel embarrassed. This is normal, especially if you are phoning your ex.
