Wakes can be embarrassing experiences. Especially if you didn't know the deceased well, and a similar situation happens to everyone sooner or later. Maybe a cousin or a friend of your parents who you have never seen, or maybe you know the bereaved (the closest relatives of the deceased) and want to offer your condolences. It is something that happens all the time, because funeral wakes are made specifically to welcome acquaintances, share memories, see friends and acquaintances, and express one's closeness to those who have lost a loved one.
Steps
Step 1. Dress appropriately
You don't have to wear black, but it's not the time to show off the most transgressive and flashy clothes. Black, gray, brown, blue tints are all acceptable. If you really have to, a pinch of white is fine too.
Step 2. Write your condolences
You can find pre-printed cards at stationery stores and the like. Just write a message of solidarity with the survivors, and you can remember a good time spent with the deceased.
True, you could get yourself a blank note and write it all down, but if you don't know the family members and didn't know the deceased very well, a pre-printed card, in which much of the effort has already been made, is better
Step 3. If you knew the person well enough, you have the option of sending flowers or making a donation to the institution, foundation or hospice of your choice
Although not mandatory, it is a nice gesture and will be highly appreciated by the family of the deceased.
If you donate, check that the obituary does not suggest who to donate to. This organization will then send the family a card with your name and the name of the person who inspired the donation
Step 4. Arrive at a time convenient for you
The funeral wakes usually last several hours, and it is for anyone to have a chance to pass. In case you don't know him well, you are not required to stop all the time, but at the same time it is unseemly to rush.
Step 5. Enter silently
Thank anyone who opens the door for you.
Step 6. The guest register should be at the entrance, so you don't forget to sign it
Signature is required, and if you don't know many people in that situation, you can add one small note specifying how you knew the deceased.
Step 7. Get in line
You can talk to whoever is there with you, the vigils are made on purpose.
Step 8. As you approach the coffin, there will be a point where you can leave the tickets or any money you intend to donate directly to family members
If you have any, that's where these things should go.
Sending the ticket by post is also fine
Step 9. If you are religious, you can kneel to pray next to the coffin
If you are not or if the deceased and the survivors belong to another religion, you can stop and look at the body for a moment and pass by to greet family members.
Step 10. As you approach family members of the deceased, introduce yourself
Be simple, and tell them how sorry you are for their loss. You can also share a couple of heartfelt memories that highlight the person's generosity or how much you appreciated their sense of humor, etc.
Step 11. After that, proceed along the line, you can look around to find other people you know
Especially with regards to the death of a distant relative, in which you may see cousins, uncles, etc. rushed for the same reason. You can then stop and talk to them.
There will probably be photos or a slideshow with photos of the deceased in his happy moments. If so, you can look at them with the others and point them out: "Hey, I was there that day too!" or "Wow, Gino always had such a sense of humor" or "Wow, I really miss those games at Manlio's house". Vigils are used to let oneself go to memories and remember the good times
Step 12. Once you have spent some time with everyone, you can discreetly leave
Exit the same door you entered.
If family members are no longer busy, you can stop to say hello, or go back to the body for a last farewell
Advice
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Whether or not you want to attend the funeral is your choice, but remember: the funeral will take up a good part of the day, from the seat of the body, to the procession to the church, the mass (it could be more than one), the entombment and the possible subsequent refreshments. You can't get away with 10 minutes like waking.
The closest relatives should be there at the funeral, it is considered a nice gesture when many family or friends attend. If you didn't know this person so well, the minimum required is to attend the wake
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Remember, wakes have always served to remember and share good moments in a carefree way, to celebrate life lived. The funeral and related ceremonies serve to mourn the lost life, in a serious and sober way, and to honor the deceased on his last journey into the unknown.
That said, there is nothing wrong with crying while awake. You will not be the only one
- Where families of different religions are involved, remember that flowers should NEVER be sent to Jewish - or partially Jewish - families because they are a stark reminder of life now lost forever. Charitable donations are welcome.
