If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama
Why develop compassion in your life? Well, there are scientific studies that suggest the possibility of reaping physical benefits from the practice of compassion. But there are other benefits as well, of an emotional and spiritual nature. The main benefit is that this helps you be happier, and allows you to spread this feeling to those around you. If we agree that the struggle for happiness is a goal we all have in common, then compassion is one of the most useful tools for achieving that joy. It is therefore vitally important to cultivate compassion in our lives, practicing it every day.
How can we do it? This guide contains seven different practices that you can try and maybe incorporate into your daily life.
Steps
Step 1. Develop a morning ritual
Greet each morning with a ritual. Try the following, suggested by the Dalai Lama: "Today I am lucky to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I will not waste it. I will use all my energy to cultivate my interiority, to expand my heart among the people, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I will have kind thoughts towards others, I will not get angry or think ill of anyone, I will bring as much benefit as possible to those around me. " Then, once the ritual is finished, try one of the practices illustrated in the next steps.
Step 2. Practice empathy
The first step to cultivating compassion is to develop empathy for other humans and for yourself. Many believe they have empathy, and somehow this is true on some levels. But, many times, people focus on themselves and let their sense of empathy rust. Try this practice. Imagine the suffering of a loved one. Something terrible has happened to her. Now, try to imagine the pain she is going through. Imagine the suffering in every detail. After doing this for a couple of weeks, you should begin to imagine the suffering of other people you know, not just those who are dear to you. This means that you should feel the pain or emotions of other people, entering their context of reference, which means, in other words, putting yourself in the shoes of others.
In order for empathy to turn into compassion, not just in your understanding of what the other person is going through while still connecting the event to your own experience, keep focused on the other person instead of allowing your empathy to shift. your focus on your experience and memories of your suffering
Step 3. Practice commonality
Instead of recognizing the differences between yourself and others, try to recognize what you have in common. After all, we are all human beings. We need food, shelter and love. We need attention, recognition, affection and, above all, happiness. Reflect on these things in common that you have with every other human being and ignore the differences. One of the most popular exercises for doing this comes from an excellent article published in the Ode Magazine; it is a five-step practice to try when meeting your friends or strangers. Do this discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your attention gathered on the other, you say to yourself:
- First Step: "Just like me, this person is looking for happiness in his life."
- Second Step: "Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his life."
- Third Step: "Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair."
- Fourth Step: "Just like me, this person is trying to meet their needs."
- Fifth Step: "Just like me, this person is learning more about life."
Step 4. Practice relief from suffering
Once you can empathize with another person and understand their humanity and pain, the next step is to want them to be free from suffering. This is the heart of compassion, in fact it is its definition. Try this exercise. Imagine the suffering of a human being you have recently known. Now, imagine that you are the one taking that pain. Think about how much you would like it to come to a conclusion. Reflect on how happy you would be if another human being wished your suffering ended and did something about it. Open your heart to that human being and, if you perceive even a little desire for the end of his pain to come, reflect on this feeling. This is the feeling you want to cultivate. With constant practice, that feeling can be heightened and nurtured.
One study suggests that the more you meditate on compassion, the more your brain recognizes itself as it feels empathy towards others
Step 5. Practice the act of kindness
Now that you've gotten good at the fourth practice, make the exercise go up another step. Still imagine the suffering of someone you just met or met. Imagine again that you are that person and that you are going through this pain. Now, imagine that another human being wants your pain to end, perhaps your mother or another loved one. What would you like this person to do to end your suffering? Now, reverse the roles: you are the person who wants the other's pain to end. Imagine doing something to help alleviate grief or eliminate it completely. Once you get good at this step, practice doing something small every day in order to help put an end to the affliction of others, even in a tiny way. Even a smile, a kind word, take up an assignment or errand for another person or just talk to her about the problem. Practice doing something kind to help ease the torture of others. When you get good at this too, find a way to make it a daily practice, and ultimately a practice that will apply spontaneously throughout the day.
Step 6. Go further to practice compassion with those who treat you badly
The final stage of these practices to cultivate compassion not only corresponds to wanting to alleviate the torture of people who love and meet, but also of people who in theory do not deserve it. When you meet someone who treats you badly, instead of reacting with anger, withdraw. Then, when you have calmed down and become more aloof, think about his reprehensible behavior. Try to imagine his background. Try to imagine what she was taught as a child. Try to imagine the day or week that this individual went through, and what kind of negative experiences happened to him. Try to guess the mood and state of mind he had: it must have been his suffering that intervened to push him to treat you that way. And understand that his action has nothing to do with you, but with what he had to endure before meeting you. Now, think once more about this poor person's pain and see if you can picture yourself trying to stop their suffering. Finally, reflect on the fact that if you have been kind and compassionate to the person who has treated you badly, they may be less likely to behave the same way next time and more likely to be nice to you. Once you master this reflection practice, try to act with compassion and understand what happens next time this individual doesn't treat you with respect. Do it in small doses, until you get good at it. It is with practice that perfection is achieved.
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It will take some time to manage your emotions so that you can practice total compassion, but the following techniques will help you; moreover, in the people who practiced them, a generation of 100% more of DHEA, the hormone that counteracts the aging process, and 23% less of cortisol, the stress hormone, was noted.
- Cut it out: Watch your feelings, focusing on your heart. Pretend you are someone outside of the situation, giving yourself advice like "Relax, it's nothing serious." Imagine your negative feelings being absorbed and purged from your heart. This will help you transform negative feelings instead of repressing them.
- Use the heart: quiet the mind and focus your attention on the heart. Really feel how you feel about someone or something you really love and then try to keep that feeling alive for 10 or 15 minutes. Finally, imagine sending these feelings of yours to yourself and others.
- You may also read How to Forgive.
Step 7. Develop an evening routine
It is highly recommended that you take a few minutes before bed to reflect on your day. Think about the people you met and talked to and how you treated each of them. Think about the purpose you stated in the morning, which is to use your compassion for others. How did it go? What could you do better? What have you learned from your experiences today? And, if you have time, try one of the practices and exercises explained earlier in the article.
