Dealing with the death of a loved one is never easy - no matter how hard you prepare it will always be an emotionally heartbreaking moment. To help you experience it, here you will find some tips.
Steps
Step 1. Make sure all family members know that a loved one will soon be passing away
This will allow them to say goodbye.
Step 2. Sit down and talk as long as you can with the person who will soon be leaving
If you regret something, or if you need her to know a secret you've never told her, use this time to tell her everything. But keep in mind that if it is something very important (for example that you have been cheating on her for 15 years), now is certainly not the time to let them know. There is no need to add stress to the enormous load that already lives.
Step 3. Let the children see it and explain to them what will happen
Step 4. Keep family members living far away informed
Communicate with them via email, phone or social networks, but update them on the health of your loved one and on the progress of things.
Step 5. Talk about death with the person who will face it
Ask her if she is scared. You too would find more peace when you miss her if you find she wasn't scared. If it is, help her cope with the fear.
Step 6. Start preparing for the funeral
But don't talk about it to the person who will soon pass away, they may think that you are already thinking about when you will be "freed" from it.
Step 7. Tell her you will miss her and tell her often "I love you"
There is nothing more important than these three words.
Step 8. Tell her that you are scared, confused or sad
He will tell you things that will help you experience the pain together and this will ease the process.
Step 9. As the years go by, what will remain will be the little things, like her favorite color, the dessert she liked best, etc
Keep these good memories!
Step 10. Tell her everything you want her to know
When she's gone, you won't be able to get her back.
Step 11. Gather family members in one room and talk to them about old times
Everyone will have a special memory to smile about, or to listen to and remember. It will be a moment of peace and emotion and it will also become a precious memory: the person you love surrounded by those who loved her. What's better than having them close when you need them most?
Step 12. Let the person you love give the direction - they may want to talk about death or their funeral, or not want to touch on these topics at all
Don't try to figure out what he wants, ask him. This is no time to guess!
Step 13. Crying is normal and it is better to let off steam than to keep everything inside
When the tears appear, let them flow
Step 14. Consider going to a nursing home or hospital or keeping the person at home, perhaps hiring a nurse
Ask the one who suffers from the deadly disease which of the alternatives seems most appropriate and do your best to respect her wishes. Mentally evaluate the costs and the type of treatment that the various options would guarantee: you must do a thorough analysis before making a decision.
Advice
- Don't use terms like "she's gone" or "she's asleep forever". The children may then experience bedtime in terror or they may think that that person has gone out for a walk or gone on vacation, which obviously is not the case. Don't lie, lies (or overly sweetened truths) will only get your kids to stop believing you. Honesty is always the best choice.
- Love the person you are about to lose with all your heart, they will feel it.
- Don't neglect others. Remember that they are experiencing pain too. Spend time with family and friends, tell your cat or a close friend about your feelings. Listen to others when they tell you how they feel. Everyone has the right to express themselves, especially during a moment of great emotion such as the arrival of a bereavement. Go to a park or have lunch outside, or just spend some time with some friends or family, trying to relax.
- Cry with your children and talk together about the person you will never see again. This will show the children that you will never forget this person and that crying is allowed, as is feeling angry and sad.
- Remember it's not your fault.
- Respect the wishes of others, do not be angry if your children choose to attend the funeral or not to come. Don't feel offended and don't force them.
- Immediately after the death of a loved one, it is not always easy to see the things that belonged to them. A pair of slippers, a tie, or even just his favorite ballpoint pen… Keep them out of sight until you feel like you can put them away, but don't forget.
- If you would like to put a plant or tree in the garden as a reminder of the dying person, tell them before they pass away.
- You can make a book in memory of your loved one, especially for younger children. You will be able to insert photos, memories, some events, phrases that the missing person loved to repeat, special recipes, etc. so that they too will remember it forever.
- Be honest with children but give age-appropriate answers. If your child, for example, is very young and asks you how his grandfather died, you could tell him that his head was buzzing, he was so sick and did not improve, his body stopped working well and so he died and now he rests in a very special place. When the child is old enough, you can tell him that the "bua" was a brain tumor and that the special place where he rests is this cemetery and that his grandfather would have loved him so much.
- Never tell a child that something is macabre and you can't tell them about it. If he asks what happens after a person dies, be honest and tell him that the body is buried and goes through a stage called decomposition, what is left is the skeleton. If he asks you what cremation is, tell him that the body is burned at a high temperature and the ashes remain.
Warnings
- Don't joke about death, don't try to lighten the burden by using inappropriate irony.
- Do not criticize those who cry. It's a huge disrespect. It's a solemn moment, respect it.
- Don't talk too much. Try to understand the needs of others. Sometimes a dying person wants to talk or listen to others, just stay close and respect silences. It can be a time of great spirituality.
