Siblings spend more time with each other than with their parents. You may not see it that way, but of all personal relationships, one with your siblings is the longest. Considering this aspect, and also the importance of this relationship, you should immediately start making every effort to get along with it. You can have the relationship you've always dreamed of with your siblings by improving communication, learning to share, and doing activities with them.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Improve Communication
Step 1. Think before you speak
While it's not always easy, it's important to improve communication between you and your siblings. Not only does it prevent an argument from leading to an argument, but it also prevents you from saying something you may regret later on.
- When you feel you are about to get angry, take a moment and count to 10. Then, if you still haven't calmed down, apologize and leave the room.
- Always remember that your words reflect who you are. There's a good chance you're not showing your best side if what you say causes you problems.
- What you say to your siblings can be much more lasting than a fight. Unfortunately, harsh words can help shape their image of you over time.
- If you are already in a bad mood, avoid talking to him until your mood improves. We often verbally attack someone out of anger and frustration we feel about other aspects of our life.
Step 2. Speak in first person
Instead of always blaming your brother or sister, try to speak in the first person, for example by saying, "I felt hurt for what you did" or "I don't like you taking my things without asking me."
- Affirmations like this encourage assertiveness without putting the recipient on the defensive.
- Don't go overboard with first-person affirmations. If you use one after the other without giving the other a chance to respond, it may seem like you have an aggressive tone.
- A correct way to use a first-person sentence is: "It annoys me that you take my clothes without asking me. I would like you to ask my permission in the future before taking anything of mine."
- It takes some time to get used to these kinds of statements and to incorporate them into your everyday language. Don't be discouraged if you forget to use them, but keep practicing; sooner or later you will make it!
Step 3. Apologize, even though it may not be easy
Admitting that you were wrong can be difficult, as emotions and pride often take over.
- While it can be painful, make it a habit to apologize to your siblings. Whether you said something inappropriate or did something that hurt them, act like an adult and apologize.
- Be honest when you do this; if your apology is sarcastic or forced, it will only make the situation worse.
- In case you receive an apology, accept it with a smile. Forgiveness is equally important!
Step 4. Ask your parents to mediate
The ideal is that you can improve communication without their help. However, tensions can often arise between siblings; in this case it may be useful to have the support of the parents.
- Your parents should be the last resort. Don't use them as a tool against your brothers or to get them into trouble.
- Ask them to mediate, which is simply to supervise the conversation to ensure that everyone has a chance to speak and maintain a calm tone.
Part 2 of 3: Learn to Share
Step 1. Share your personal items
For most people, sharing something with their siblings doesn't come naturally, especially if they already share a bedroom.
- Sharing something - be it clothes, music or toys (for younger siblings) - often seems to be the cause of quarrel and rivalry.
- Establish some ground rules about sharing. Tell your siblings that they can borrow your belongings as long as they ask for it in advance.
- If there are any items you aren't willing to share, make sure they know.
- Don't get too upset if they forget to ask your permission the first time they borrow something, but kindly remind them of the rule.
Step 2. Allow your brother or sister to go out with your friends
This tip is especially important for older siblings, since younger siblings often want to go out with "the big boys".
- While it can be annoying to have younger siblings around all the time, it can also be nice to include them from time to time.
- Set limits. Let them know when it is acceptable to spend time with you and your friends and when it is not.
- Make sure you only include them in activities that are appropriate for their age. For example, if you are watching a violent movie, it may not be appropriate to include any very young siblings.
- This discourse is also valid for older brothers. Even if you have grown up, it doesn't mean that your younger siblings don't want to be included in your group anymore! For example, if you go on a girl outing, invite your younger sister as well.
Step 3. Give advice when they need it
Sharing one's wisdom and skills is also a form of sharing, albeit less obvious than lending the car to one's brother. Indeed, it is often the best form of sharing.
- Regardless of age, siblings always need advice. They can be our best collaborators, co-conspirators, and role models, but they can also serve as a warning to us. It doesn't really matter whether they are older or smaller - everyone has knowledge to share!
- Don't give advice when it's not required. Let your siblings know that if they need advice, you will be available to give it, otherwise it is best that you do not interfere.
Step 4. If you live together, be generous
Sharing a space with your siblings can be difficult. Do everything you can to be generous when it comes to living together.
- This is especially important if this is the first time a sibling is living with you. If he has just moved into your apartment, make him feel comfortable by applying the "what's mine is yours" rule.
- If he wants a specific part of the closet, leave it to him. Learning to share your spaces and not getting involved in unnecessary arguments is a great way to get along with your siblings.
Part 3 of 3: Doing Something Together
Step 1. Do their favorite activities
Even if you don't like running or playing video games, try to do something your siblings like. They will appreciate your interest and, more importantly, they will enjoy spending time with you.
Take the opportunity to get some more information about their interests. By doing so, they will confide in you and your conversation will get an extra boost
Step 2. Plan a game night
Regardless of age, games are a great way to bond with your siblings. You can learn a new game together or find one from your childhood that brings back some good memories.
- Don't pick a game that is known to make you fight. For example, if you can't finish a game of Scrabble without arguing and insulting each other, be sure to choose another game.
- You can also play a game of basketball or mini golf.
Step 3. Browse the family album together
Relive some happy moments spent together, browsing through the photos. You will love to go back to some good memories from family life and maybe you will remember all the happy moments you spent with your siblings.
Step 4. Establish sibling traditions
Whether it's a weekend outing or a movie marathon, build traditions with them.
- You can organize the activity on a monthly or yearly basis. If it is an outing, it may be best to set it on an annual basis.
- Movie marathons, on the other hand, can be organized on a monthly basis. As part of the tradition, try to alternate who chooses movies and snacks!
Advice
- Compliment your brother or sister when they do something you approve of, so they feel proud.
- Don't always resort to parents. Try to deal with problems directly with your siblings first.
- If they are younger than you and attend the same school as you, make an effort to keep an eye on them. Stand up for them if someone scares them or bullies them.
- If you have more than one sibling, share your love and attention equally.
Warnings
- Never yell at your siblings, either in public or in front of friends.
- Don't be overbearing towards them.
