Probably, if you've searched for this article, you're having a hard time building a good relationship with your boyfriend's mother. The advice you are about to read lists everything you can try to bond with her, or strengthen it.
Steps
Step 1. Look for the answers to your doubts
Sometimes they are pretty obvious. Did you have a fight? Did you break his favorite porcelain vase? Maybe you already know the reason why you don't get along well now. Apologizing in this case can make a difference.
Step 2. Respect it
Don't immediately label it as irritating, bad and parasitic. Remember that he is a human being, and he may have faced problems in the past, he may have suffered - or is suffering - for something. You may have done something that hurt her too.
Step 3. Talk to your boyfriend
Ask him (in a gentle tone) if his mother has problems with you, or if you have done something that offended her. If he has no idea you will have to try to resolve the situation on your own.
Step 4. Avoid face-to-face confrontations
Before confronting your mother to discuss, wait for the atmosphere to calm down, try to manage the situation as best you can, and think: maybe you are giving too much importance to something that isn't really that serious.
Step 5. Collect opinions
Ask your boyfriend, your mom, your friends and your mom's friends how to get along with your boyfriend's mother. They may provide you with helpful advice and a different point of view.
Step 6. Identify his "language of love"
Gary Chapman's book "The Five Languages of Love" contains interesting suggestions for understanding how each person expresses and wants to receive love. This is a very useful text that can solve doubts and help you understand others better. To identify his language, take a look at the Tips section in this article, or visit the website (in English) www.fivelovelanguages.com.
Step 7. Face the situation
If nothing seems to be improving (and you've tried to follow the previous advice), and the relationship between the two of you is getting worse and worse, it's time to ask your boyfriend's mother why she is acting like this towards you.
Step 8. Accept defeat too
If her mother refuses to talk about it, if she can't stop poking at you, or if her motives are illogical, it's time to stop worrying too much about what's going on and find your own balance.
Step 9. Try to make her understand your good intentions
Tell her (only if you really think so) that you care about her and that you only want the best for her family. Remember it's a simple dialogue between two people, don't turn it into a fight. Express your willingness to create a good bond with her, who knows that she may finally change her mind, appreciate your effort and want to get to know you better.
Step 10. Study his attitude
If you notice that he is misbehaving towards you, proceed with caution!
Advice
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To understand what the Language of Love of your boyfriend's mother is, you can ask him for advice too.
- Words of encouragement: Compliment her on her cooking, encourage her, be on her side when she proposes something, and highlight her point of view during a conversation.
- Special moments: treat yourself to a nice conversation, play a board game, always listen to her and focus your attention on her, even if only for a few minutes.
- Gifts: visible signs of love that can be cheap, expensive, rare or frequent. Take her to have a coffee with you in a nice place, buy some DIY material for her or tell her if she wants the samples they gave you in the perfumery.
- Helpful services and gestures: Offer to take out the garbage, help her prepare dinner or look after the dog while she is busy.
- Physical contact: try to hug her every time you meet her (even if she appears a little rigid). Take advantage of the right opportunities to shake her hand or find a gesture of complicity.
Warnings
- Don't feel bad about it. Don't worry too much if you can't work things out. It doesn't have to cause any stress or strain in your life as a couple.
- Don't blame her… at least not right away. At least until you know what the reasons are behind his behavior.
- Don't get your boyfriend in the way. Ask him for advice and reflections on the situation but never give him an ultimatum, don't complain to him and keep him out of the problems that exist between you and his mother. It is not his fault.
