Your best friend is over the moon about her new romance and you couldn't be happier for her. You still want to spend time together but without getting in their way. How to avoid becoming the third wheel?
Steps
Step 1. Give your friend some space
While it may hurt, you should evaluate the situation and understand that she needs some alone time with him, especially in the beginning. Take it easy while your friend evaluates the dynamics of her new relationship, but don't be afraid to never see her again.
- Cut out the usual texting and talking on the phone. She may no longer be able to do it so often just to be able to make room for him. Don't be offended: it's natural.
- Let her call you. While you can always invite her somewhere, let her move in that direction as her relationship develops.
- Remember that she still needs you. If your friend and her boyfriend ask you out, you should join them when you feel like it and obviously reciprocate the invitation. A relationship is a two-way street, and your friend still expects to hear from you.
Step 2. Look elsewhere
While you can still hang out with your friend and her boyfriend, it's best to have some options to hold on to so as not to spend a Saturday night at home alone while she's out for a romantic weekend. Even if you miss it, keep busy with other activities or make new friends.
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Use this opportunity to pursue a new hobby. You can go bowling or join a book club where you'll have fun learning something new.
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Do something your friend would never do with you. Are you afraid of heights while you've always wanted to climb walls? Is she a vegetarian while you wanted to try that new seafood restaurant down the street? This could be your chance to discover new interests.
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Turn old acquaintances into new friends. Are you nice to the girl in your English class but have never spent time with her outside of school, or have you recently met someone who just moved into the neighborhood? You now have time to spend with new people who can become friends.
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Time alone is also precious. If despite the alternatives you still have a lot of time to spend now that your friend is busy, use it for some good old "love for yourself." Read that book you never finished, get a pedicure or a manicure, check out that show she never wanted to watch. Don't be sad for yourself - look at it as an opportunity to pursue other interests of your own.
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Step 3. When you spend time with her, make sure you are alone
It is important, even if the pair appear to be glued together. It will be easier to keep the friendship strong if he is not there.
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Reserve time for activities of your own that he may not care about like watching your favorite classic movies. This is a better option than not encroaching on moments of two.
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Put a weekly meeting on your agenda. It can be helpful to create a new routine now that she spends so much time with her him. You can schedule a weekly dinner or aperitif or time to play a sport that both of you enjoy - and if your friend's week is too busy at times, make sure there is at least one phone call on Sunday to catch up.
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Step 4. Don't make it difficult
You can feel a little weird doing the spare tire, but putting the spotlight on it will only make it worse. If you keep reminding them of this feeling constantly, your friend will want nothing more than to end the night.
- When dating a couple, you shouldn't constantly mention that you are "the third wheel" or the "single one" - it would make them feel uncomfortable.
- If you're single, you can joke about it, but if you repeatedly make comments like, "I know I'll never find true love like you," the couple will feel guilty and less likely to go out with you. If you are too busy feeling sorry for yourself to enjoy their company, they may realize that it is better to be alone.
- Remember to be steadfast when the couple ends up a little too over the top. If they indulge themselves a little too much in the affection in front of her, you should tell them but otherwise, rest assured.
Step 5. Only hang out with them if there are the right circumstances
If you want to have fun you should choose to go with them when they do something you like too or you feel like a stranger. There is a place and a time for everything, even for being the third wheel.
- Anything that screams "romance" should be avoided - which means strolling through a flower garden or a candlelit dinner at a French restaurant. Even if your friend insists, use your judgment when it's time to choose what to do.
- Group activities are the best. Going to play beach volleyball or be part of a team in a pub quiz can be fun because everyone can contribute in some way.
- Only go out if your friend really wants it. Interpret his tone to see if he is inviting you out of obligation or if he wants to see you. If he's only doing it out of pity then no one will have fun.
Step 6. Use your friend's new boyfriend to your advantage
While the new relationship may be a disappointment for you at first, see it as an opportunity to improve your romantic situation. Whether you're looking for a new boyfriend (or girlfriend), your friend's new love can come in handy for that.
- If you're on the hunt for a girl, then maybe your friend's can introduce you to someone who's single or support you when you go out.
- If you respect your friend's new boyfriend but are looking for one on your own, then you may want to ask him for his opinion.
- Your friend's new story can be an opportunity to ask the last sympathy you had, to go out in four but without commitment. If you're shy about asking, use the couple as an excuse. You can tell your friends have a dinner coupon for four or four movie tickets and see if he accepts.
Step 7. Think of it as a friendship test
Remember that if your friend is truly your best friend, she will always be there for you in the end. No relationship should affect such a deep bond.
- Be patient, but not forever. While it's okay to be 'boy-centric' for a while, if your friend ditches you after her first date, then maybe she wasn't that friendly at all.
- If she disappears every time she is interested in someone new, this can be a sign that you are just a stopgap in her life.
Advice
- Do not think too much. The chances of you not becoming the spare are very high. If your friend and her he always invite you to go out with them, it means that they appreciate your company.
- Work out a signal to use with them to indicate that they are passing the mark.
