Everyone gossips from time to time, but it may be painful to find someone talking badly behind your back. If it's a friend or colleague, pay attention to their words and behavior to see if they've targeted you. Furthermore, there is also the possibility that you want to put an end to people's rumors to build healthier relationships at work and at school.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Listen to the Words of the Person You Suspect
Step 1. Beware of ambiguous compliments
Pay attention to the way the person you suspect is speaking about. Often the speaker behind his back has anger or annoyance towards his victim. Therefore, his mood could be leaked through ambiguous barbs, hints or compliments.
- While some may deny making vitriolic remarks that "he was just kidding," it is likely that they have a hard time hiding their anger.
- For example, a slightly equivocal appreciation might be: "Congratulations on your exam. It's great… for a private school."
Step 2. See if he avoids your questions
Those who gossip try in every way to disguise their real feelings. Therefore, ask him a couple of questions to find out what he is hiding from you. If he is reluctant to answer or appears to lie, he is likely spreading poison around.
For example, if you suspect that he is nervous about the contribution you made to a group work, you might ask, "Are you upset about the project?". If he glosses over or says he doesn't want to talk about it, he may have already vented to others
Step 3. Ask a friend you trust if they have heard any rumors about you
Talk to a trustworthy person and ask them if anyone has spoken badly behind your back. Assure her that you will not involve her if you decide to confront those who are slandering you. Tell her that you simply want to understand what you have done to deserve such treatment that comes to hurt your feelings.
- You might say, "I think Lisa is talking badly about me. Have you heard any rumors about me? I won't tell her you told me, but I don't understand why she's angry with me."
- Do not betray the trust of the friend who clarifies your doubts. By confiding in you, he exposes himself to the gossip and anger of others.
Step 4. Pay attention to the way this person talks about others
Anyone who talks badly behind people's backs will probably do the same to you. If you have many such friends, you may want to distance yourself from them to prevent them from spreading gossip about you. The next time they try to discredit someone, gently silence them.
You might say, "You know, I don't like to speak badly of other people. I think it's rude. Also, we don't want anyone to do that to us, right?"
Part 2 of 3: Assessing the Behavior of the Person You Suspect
Step 1. Notice if a group of people is suddenly silent when you approach them
Listen to a group of people who look at each other cautiously and stop talking as soon as you get close. They might even avoid your gaze. Many times, those who malign behind others are too cowardly to face the victim of their gossip directly. Chances are she'll feel uncomfortable if you accidentally interrupt her while she's talking about you.
Step 2. Find out if important people treat you differently
Gossipers struggle to hide negative feelings. They can even affect important figures, such as teachers or leaders, causing them to think badly of you. If people who have a strong influence in your life suddenly treat you differently, this change may be because someone is spreading rumors about you to discredit you.
For example, if your boss prefers to entrust someone else with the assignment that he normally gives you each week, you should delve into this story
Step 3. See if it seems to avoid you
Pay attention to the most emblematic clues: avoiding any kind of contact, such as eye contact, leaving a room or walking away from a group when you arrive or pretending to ignore you. Also, beware of the exclusion by electronic means. If someone who used to text you or call you frequently suddenly stops doing so, chances are they have a pending issue. Perhaps he is avoiding you because he feels guilty for gossiping about you or is trying to tell you that he is angry.
If you are brave, try this system. If you think someone is gossiping about you to other people, take a walk around and sit down. If he gets up and walks away, your suspicions will be confirmed. Also, with this behavior you will let him know that you are not intimidated at all
Step 4. Pay attention to the people you hang out with
Chances are you will not like those who accompany you with individuals you do not like. If a friend starts hooking someone even though they know they've been bad at you, consider that they might be gossiping behind your back. It may even be that he is trying to harm you.
Step 5. Roll your eye to see if it hides the phone
Notice if a friend hides their cell phone when you arrive or is uncomfortable as soon as you glance to see who they are in contact with. Gossips fear being discovered. If he hides it, chances are he was gossiping about you to someone else.
Part 3 of 3: Stop the Redshank from Speaking Badly Behind Your Back
Step 1. Ignore the negative behavior
Anyone who assumes deplorable attitudes, such as discrediting a friend without his knowledge, is somehow insecure. If someone you know spreads rumors about you, keep in mind that this usually has more to do with their character than yours. Try to be superior and ignore it. You don't have to emphasize his behavior by giving him your attention.
Try to feel more appreciated by spending your time with friends and family you trust and love you
Step 2. Don't get paranoid
If you feel bad about something you've done or don't know a person well, you could easily imagine things that don't really exist. Don't convince yourself that someone is talking badly behind your back if you don't have evidence to back up your suspicion. If you start to feel paranoid, a few deep breaths or a relaxing walk will help clear your head.
Step 3. Examine your behavior
If you feel guilty, you should reflect on your behavior to understand what is wrong with you. If you have unintentionally hurt a friend's feelings or made a nasty gesture towards them, your attitude may lead people to judge the mistakes you may make. If you were wrong, ask yourself how else you could have acted. Sometimes, people gossip without your knowledge even when you haven't done anything to deserve this treatment.
Step 4. Contact the person and ask them to treat you with respect
If you haven't done anything that might have prompted her to spread gossip about you, you can talk to her directly to stop. Be honest without harassing her, even if you think she has crossed the line. Whether it's a friendship or a business relationship, ask her to treat you with the respect you deserve.
You might say, "I think you talk badly behind my back and I don't like it. If you have a problem with me, let's solve it together. We have to work closely and each of us deserves respect. Let's find a way to get through this."
Step 5. Contact a manager if the situation does not improve
If the person does not stop harassing you or spreading slander about you, you may want to report their behavior. Whether it's contacting the company's human resources office or talking to a teacher, don't hesitate to ask for help if the situation gets out of hand.
