Whether it's a relationship that didn't work out, or you've missed an opportunity for career advancement, disappointment is never pleasant. No matter what the disappointment is, it is almost never as bad as it seems and there are more ways to overcome it than you might think. You can face a disappointment and come out even stronger. Read on for more details.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Mindsets
Step 1. Reveal your feelings
If you're dealing with a big disappointment, then it's only natural that you feel upset or even inconsolable. Some doctors say that dealing with the fact that one of the main goals in your life suddenly fails is no different than the pain of a loss, therefore, that the suffering is due to the hoped-for deal for your book not working out, or that your boyfriend broke up with you instead of asking you to marry him, you can really feel "grieving". It is perfectly natural to feel incredibly upset and hurt; the important thing is to recognize the pain from the beginning.
- Don't be ashamed to cry. There is no research that says too many tears will hurt you.
- If someone has caused you harm, don't let this person see you cry. Don't give him a chance to get this satisfaction and deal with your feelings privately.
Step 2. Look at things from another perspective
Immediately after a disappointment, it is often very difficult to see anything other than absolute disaster in the aftermath.
- Ask yourself, "Will I care about this in a year? In six months? In a month?" Often asking these questions brings us back to reality. It is terrible that you dented the car, but in a week it will be repaired, right? You didn't pass a test, but what will it matter when you graduate at the end of the semester? You've had an injury and you can't finish the sporting season, which is a shame, but you can play next year.
- Talk about your situation with a rational friend, preferably someone older who has overcome many obstacles and can offer you a little more understanding.
- Writing down your feelings and thoughts can also help you express frustration, anger, fear, and other negative feelings. This can be helpful if you can't speak to someone right away.
- Understand the difference between a real disaster and something that is arguably less desperate. Unfortunately, tragedies happen, the real ones: losing your house due to a fire, having an incurable disease diagnosed, the city invaded by a tsunami … those are real disasters. Not passing an exam is definitely not on these levels. It is easy to fall into the trap of "this is the worst thing that ever happened to me" without realizing that there are people who face far more serious problems than yours.
- Be cautious about writing about your disappointment on social media. It can be useful for getting feedback from friends in times of disappointment, but be careful in certain situations. For example: Your boss may find that you are complaining about work, or your grudge-filled remarks about your ex-girlfriend may make her friends angry with you.
Step 3. Be grateful
You may be thinking: Grateful?!? How can I be grateful at a time like this? But this is precisely why you should stop getting depressed about whatever went wrong and start thinking about all the things that are "going well" in your life. Chances are you have a lot to be thankful for: a nice home, lots of supportive people, a promising career, health, or even your pet. You may be so focused on the things you don't have that you don't find a moment to step back and feel lucky for the things you do.
- Count the things you should feel lucky for. Make a list of all the things you should be thankful for. You will see that there are many more good things in your life than bad. And, in general, what you have is more important to you than any disappointment you are facing.
- Be grateful for your problems. Turn your frustration out completely. Sure, it's disappointing that you can't go to a first-rate college… but you have the option to go to college and not everyone has it. You may not have landed that job you interviewed for… but this opens up the possibility of finding other jobs that you may have overlooked, and you can always try again. Finding out that you have diabetes is a shame… but you can still live a healthy life thanks to modern medicine, a possibility that a person 100 years ago did not have.
Step 4. Give yourself some time to recover
It's nice to be able to vent your feelings and acknowledge that you are feeling sad and disappointed. However, feeling sorry for yourself has a limit. If you spend weeks feeling sorry for yourself, feeling like a real loser, and being too busy huddling up and mourning yourself instead of trying again, then how are you ever going to do anything? Give yourself a week to bask in pain, maybe two, maybe a full month if you're truly devastated. But tell yourself that the sooner you start thinking positively, the sooner you will be able to make a plan to be successful.
- Go for a long walk and sunbathe. Sunlight is known to make people happier and reduce the tendency to feel sorry for themselves.
- Suffering includes taking time to be alone. But, after a while, you should go out and spend time with your friends to recover.
- Listen to some music. It can help you get over your situation. Heavy metal, Jazz, Blues, Rock, Tibetan music… whatever works for you.
- Bring out the artist in you. Art in general, throughout history, has always found inspiration in suffering, anger, pain … so, write a song, draw, paint … it could help you get better and maybe create something beautiful.
Step 5. Take some time to reflect on what you can learn from your situation
Disappointment comes when something you expected to happen doesn't happen. Sometimes it's just plain bad luck, but often it's about changing your expectations.
- Maybe your expectations weren't realistic? For example, you are a teenager and your girlfriend probably wasn't the one you would spend the rest of your life with. Relationships between kids often don't last very long. Sure, separation is still painful, but realizing that you weren't married and that you will meet a host of other people in your life could ease your pain.
- What can you do next time? You didn't pass an exam. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources to better prepare you for the next attempt… programs, books, the internet. In the end you will still have your chance to be proud.
- Don't blame yourself. Okay, maybe you screwed up. But it is more likely that things are not right at work, at home, in your city or circle of friends. Even if you have something to do with it, give up regret and move on. And if it's not your fault (e.g. you're bending over backwards at work, but your boss still isn't giving you a raise), then take a step back and see it's the world that's a little unfair right now., but that you have done everything in your power to move forward.
Step 6. Change your expectations
This doesn't mean that if you wanted to be an Academy Award-winning actress now you should settle for being an extra. But it does mean that to star in a movie with Brad Pitt you have to wait a bit. Think of something that is easier to achieve and that can still make you happy. This is different from lowering your standards - it just means you should have a more realistic approach to what you can and cannot achieve. And, if you take a more realistic approach, you will be less likely to be disappointed in the future.
Ask yourself if you are the impatient type. Getting good at something generally takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work and dedication, which is generally not highlighted on television or in movies
Step 7. Strive to see the bright side
You may think that there is absolutely nothing positive about the situation, but this is rarely true. You broke up with the person you thought was the love of your life. Were you really that perfect for each other? You lost your job. Was it really the right one for you, anyway? A door closed, a door opens, and the whole experience can lead you to something better.
Trying to find the bright side of the situation will help you think positively. And if you want to overcome your disappointment, this is exactly what you need to do
Part 2 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Take a break
You have been fired, left by your partner, or have injured your leg. Does this mean you should look for a new job, a new relationship, or start training for a marathon as soon as possible? Of course not. Give yourself some time, until you feel calm enough to make a rational decision. Obviously, you should start looking for a new job earlier than when you should start training after an injury, but you've got the point. If you try to solve the problem immediately after the setback, it is very likely that you make a decision out of desperation, and despair does not give a rational point of view.
Watch the entire first season of The Killing. Take a long walk every day for a week. Don't do anything that hurts or upsets you, but clear your mind, do something different, and start healing
Step 2. Practice acceptance
This is another important part of dealing with disappointment. You can't keep thinking that the world is completely unfair and that what happened to you is completely horrible. It may have been, but it has happened, and there is nothing you can do to make it "not happen". It happened in the past and this is your present. And, if you want to have a better future, you have to accept the past for what it was, however unpleasant it may be.
Obviously, you have to "practice" acceptance, because it won't happen overnight. Suppose your husband has cheated on you; are you going to "accept" it overnight? Of course not, but you can reach a state of mind where thinking about it doesn't make you feel completely angry and bitter
Step 3. Spend time with friends and family
Sure, dating your mom or best friend won't help you improve your career or find a new place to live, but it can make you feel better during the process of accepting the situation. You will see that you have so many beautiful relationships in your life, and that so many people support and can help you right now. While there's no need to dig up the disappointment with everyone, just having them around will make you feel like you're no longer alone with your pain.
Don't force yourself to take part in big social events if you don't feel ready; hang out with your friends and family in situations you feel comfortable with
Step 4. Make a new project
Your old plan didn't work, did it? It happens. Ships must constantly change direction in the middle of the night to avoid unexpected obstacles, and you will do the same. Find a new way to get to that dream career, to find the right man, or to carry out your charity project. Maybe you've had a health problem and won't be able to walk for a couple of months. Work with a physical therapist to prepare a successful rehabilitation plan.
Take a look at your life in a new way. How can you keep chasing your dreams, be happy, but change things around you?
Step 5. Get advice
Talk to people who know what they are doing. If you are a teacher who is struggling for your job, talk to the principal. If you are looking to become an artist, see if there are other artists in your city who are willing to share their knowledge. Call a family friend who knows something about moving to an unpleasant place for work. Talk to your mom about what it was like when she went through her divorce. Even though every situation is different, getting advice from different people (as long as you trust them) will help you orient yourself and make you see that many other people are struggling too.
Step 6. Be open to new opportunities
You may not be able to become the director of the writing course at your small university. But there is a new circle of reading meetings that has just opened and they want you to run it. Throw yourself into the opportunity to do something new that can give you experience, work with a variety of people, and give you more confidence in achieving your goals. If you only want to do things A, B, or C, you risk not seeing Opportunity Z, the best of all, when it presents itself right in front of you.
- Even a new person can represent a new opportunity. Don't just hang out with the same circle of friends, a new friend can bring new momentum and energy to your life.
- Maybe you have been looking for a job only as a high school teacher and can't get it. Why not try something different, but related, like teaching a professional induction course in your city? This too can be a great opportunity that will give you the experience you need.
Step 7. Find inspiration
Nobel laureate writer Alice Munro did not publish a book until the age of 37; Steve Jobs was kicked out of college, and Matthew McConaughey cleaned chicken coops before he became a star. Look at the lives of other people who have faced great disappointments before coming out of them with more courage and more appreciation of what they have. If success were served on a silver platter, then it wouldn't be worth fighting for, right?
Part 3 of 3: Part 3: Facing Future Obstacles
Step 1. Learn from your mistakes
You had a disappointment. Does this mean that the only consequence was taking you back a few years and ruining your mood? Of course not. There is something that can be learned from every situation, whether it's being more cautious, not too confident, or not jumping into something you feel a little unsure about. While it's not fun to learn your lesson the hard way, think about all the positive things this experience can bring you in the future.
If you never fall, you will never learn to get up. It is part of the learning experience
Step 2. Don't talk to your friends about what "might" happen
Maybe you have a good business opportunity. You've been dating a guy for six weeks, but you get the feeling he's "the one". An agent has asked you to see your manuscript and you have a feeling that he may be asking you to sign a contract. Your boss has hinted at an exciting new position and you think you will be chosen for the job. Well, you can share your feelings with a friend or two, but if you do this with twenty friends or acquaintances, then you will be more upset if that doesn't happen and you will have to give everyone the bad news.
In the future, be cautiously optimistic but reserved, and share your joy and successes after achieving them
Step 3. Keep hope alive
Being optimistic is the key to a happy and fulfilling life, no matter what disappointments you may have. Stay optimistic, keep things positive, and always try to have something to aim for in the future in your life, no matter how small it may be. If you are confident about the future and all the good it can bring, you will have a much better chance of success. Optimistic people make meaningful connections and look for unlikely opportunities that more "realistic" people would scoff at. Stay optimistic and only positive things can happen to you.
Dating with confident and optimistic people is a good way to keep hope high. If everyone around you brings you down, how can you be confident?
Step 4. Be aware of your worth
Remember that you are a person of value who can bring benefits, whether it is because you are an exceptional mother, a talented entertainer, or a great listener, valuable to their friends. Maybe you are also a great writer, a keen observer, and a computer whiz. Remind yourself of all your good qualities and keep giving the world what you have, because the world needs it (even if it may not seem that way, after an obstacle).
- Make a list of your five best features. How can you use them to your advantage?
- If you think you are worthless, then potential employers, partners, friends, etc., will think the same.
Step 5. Find time to have fun
What does fun have to do with coming up with a new project, achieving your goals, and avoiding future disappointments? All and nothing. If you are too focused on achieving your goals and overcoming your difficulties, you will never be able to stop and breathe and relax. Having fun is as important as sending your resume to twenty companies, because it allows you to stay grounded, stop and appreciate what you have, and reduce your stress level.
Advice
- Try to remind yourself every day that things will get better and that you don't have to give up.
- Sometimes you are disappointed with something you really wanted or needed. The best thing to do is to think of other ways and really explore new perspectives, instead of focusing too much time on sadness.
- Open up to people. Talking is a very effective way to unload all that emotional baggage that can really stress you out.
- Follow these steps carefully if you want to release the stress this experience is putting you through.
- If you are alone, let yourself go into a tantrum. This way, you can vent your anger and feel much better. Remember not to do this when there are other people around you, or they may not want to be around you.
