Whether it's one of your parents, a roommate, or your partner, it can be difficult to live with an overly critical person. If you can't relax in your home, you will certainly find it hard to get by in everyday life. People who continually criticize are often dissatisfied with themselves, so try to understand that their judgments rarely represent a personal attack. In any case, find strategies to manage yourself immediately, then deal with the situation calmly and with respect for your interlocutor and, finally, move on. Think about maintaining a good mood and a positive outlook, despite the circumstances.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Manage Yourself Immediately
Step 1. Do not take personally what is unpleasant you are told
The most important thing to remember is that it doesn't concern you personally - if a person tends to blame and disapprove, they will likely have it for everyone. When you get some criticism, try to stay calm and remember not to make it personal.
- Consider who the criticism is coming from. Is the person you live with generally critical of everything and everyone? Do you complain about work, school and friends? If so, it may be that he simply has a negative attitude towards life and, in this case, his criticisms are only a reflection of his vision. Therefore, they are not objective considerations about your person.
- Try to remember what you are worth. There will probably be an ounce of truth in the criticisms you receive; everyone can improve in certain respects. However, flaws and imperfections don't describe who you really are. Your roommate may be right when he points out that you always forget to throw out empty milk containers. In any case, try to focus on this inattention, instead of thinking about other sides of your character.
Step 2. Resist the urge to argue
It is never a good idea to argue with a hypercritical person. If someone has this character, they have no intention of solving problems: they simply want to complain. Even if it is difficult, try to resist the temptation to argue.
- Listen by trying to put yourself in the shoes of someone who is criticizing you. Just repeat his words. This will show that you are listening to him without necessarily giving in to unreasonable demands. This strategy is more effective than starting a discussion. For example, you might say, "You're telling me it's not fair that I forgot to wash the dishes last night, is that so?"
- Critical people often go to great lengths to provoke a reaction in their interlocutor. If you look at the situation from their perspective, they will likely continue to criticize. Instead of responding in kind, calmly explain your point of view. You might say, “I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated, but I honestly forgot. Now I wash the dishes and next time I'll try to remember it”. If a person is very critical, they may continue to scold you. Don't encourage her. Just keep reiterating your position. Eventually he will get bored and let the matter go.
Step 3. Ignore it
Sometimes, the best way to deal with an overly critical person is to learn to ignore them. For her, in fact, complaining and finding a nit is simply a way of life. Therefore, learn not to consider it.
Extremely critical people are at ease amidst conflict and drama. The more you react, the more likely they are to go on arguing. Therefore, just try to answer monosyllables. When they attack to criticize, he replies with: "Uh-uh", "Yes" or "Okay"
Step 4. Be understanding
Often hypercritical people are unhappy with their life. They have unreasonably high expectations for their goals and personal conduct. If you live with someone who does nothing but judge, have some understanding.
- Realize that you are only dealing with this person for a short time, while she is forced to deal with herself all the time. Your roommate, family member, partner, or friend is very likely to behave this way because they feel inadequate.
- When someone criticizes you, consider their point of view. There are certainly reasons why it behaves this way. For example, suppose you live at home with your parents during college. Your father may continually berate you for the way you study, but look at the situation from his point of view: perhaps he has never had the chance to enroll in college or he feels insecure in your presence because you are accomplishing something he has not even had. the opportunity to undertake. As you can see, his criticisms have nothing to do with you on a personal level, but they are a reflection of his malaise. Sometimes, a sympathetic attitude can relieve the frustration caused by another person.
Step 5. Let it go, from time to time
If you live with a hypercritical person, sometimes it's best to gloss over nonsense. If your boyfriend gets nervous when you don't fold laundry in a particular way, do it his way. It won't be a big sacrifice and you may ease the tension.
Even when someone makes unreasonable criticisms, there may be some truth to what they say. As mentioned, each of us has bad habits. It can be annoying when your roommate constantly complains about not wiping the bathroom floor after a shower. However, be aware that someone could slip and fall. Instead of getting nervous, just try to wash off the water with a towel when you're done with the shower
Part 2 of 3: Coping with the Situation
Step 1. Stand up for yourself
You cannot tolerate a critical attitude indefinitely. There will come a time when it will no longer be bearable. It is one thing if your roommate is on you because you never throw the garbage, another if a hypercritical person starts giving you unsolicited advice about your personal or work life. In this case, you should set the record straight.
- Be firm, but also kind. It is not advisable to be aggressive or disrespectful, because in this way there is a risk that the situation will degenerate into a quarrel, rather than be resolved.
- Just express your concerns in simple, concrete terms. For example, suppose your roommate intrudes on your relationship with your girlfriend. Try saying, “I appreciate that you are worried about how much time I spend together with Valeria. It's good to know that you care so much about me that you worry. However, I believe my relationship is quite stable. At the moment, I'm happy and don't need advice. If the situation changes in the future, I'll let you know”.
Step 2. Assess the nature of the criticism
Even if it's difficult, sometimes it would be worthwhile to objectively examine the criticism you receive. If you try to understand where they come from, you will be able to deal with problems more effectively.
- First, consider the subject of criticism. Is it something that is under your control? If so, maybe you can make some effort to change. Try washing the dishes once you're done using them. However, critical people have a tendency to be fussy about things that are beyond the control of others. If you are used to laughing out loud when you see a comedy movie, it is more about your character than a conscious choice. In this case, a criticism can be unfair.
- How are the criticisms you receive expressed? If you live with a person, you need to be able to communicate with them. If you do something that bothers her, she has every right to point it out to you. However, the way he expresses himself is important. If she yells, uses foul language or is very stern, this is not acceptable.
- Why does this person criticize you? Do you think your roommate really intends to change you or do you think he just likes to complain?
Step 3. Give an honest opinion
One way to deal with an overly critical person is to offer some advice. Sometimes people are unable to communicate with others because they do not understand that it is possible to offer help even without being argumentative or snooty.
- A critical person is able to give a valid opinion or advice. However, the way he dispenses it isn't always helpful. If you are dealing with someone who criticizes you every day, try to tell them what is useful and what is not. Eventually he will learn to communicate better with you.
- For example, suppose your roommate lectures you on how to wash the floor. You already cleaned it that day. You know you will forget his instructions the next time this is your turn. Try saying, “I understand you want me to change the way you wash the floor. But could you explain it to me next time before I start cleaning? I fear that between now and next week I will have forgotten what you told me”.
Step 4. Speak in first person
An overly critical person is not unlikely to hurt your feelings. Those who are negative and demanding often come to harm others around them. When expressing your frustration, speak in the first person. This way you will highlight what you are feeling, instead of blaming the person in front of you. Explain how you feel, instead of giving an objective judgment of the situation.
- A first-person sentence consists of three parts. It begins with "I feel / Impressed" and continues by explaining the mood of the person who utters it, followed by the behaviors that gave rise to these feelings. Finally, he ends by illustrating the reasons behind the state of mind communicated. By doing this you will not be led to accuse your interlocutor: you do not tell him that he has objectively wrong, but rather highlight the way in which his behavior has hurt you.
- For example, suppose your boyfriend is always criticizing you for spending too much time in the shower. Don't say, “It's really annoying when you scold me for spending too much time in the shower. I don't bother you when you are in the bathroom. It is a lack of respect”. If you express yourself this way, your boyfriend may feel accused or unfairly judged - although you are probably right.
- Rather, express your mood with a first-person sentence. Following the example above, you might say, “I feel like you disrespect me when you scold me for spending too much time in the shower. It seems to me that I have always respected your privacy when you are in the bathroom”.
Step 5. Be willing to compromise
Even if you think you're right, living with someone means compromising. So, go out of your way to find a deal with an overly critical person.
- Accept criticism when it is valid. Each of us has our own bad habits that can irritate a roommate, family member or partner. If you make a mistake, however minor, make an effort to change.
- Try to overcome resentment. Understand the other person's point of view and sometimes give in to their demands.
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Lead by example
To manage a hypercritical person, it is preferable to feed optimism. Don't let her have a negative influence on you. Show her how she can be happier and more positive.
- If someone criticizes you in everything you do, react in the opposite way. Doing so will make him understand that he cannot drag others into his negativity. If your girlfriend scolds you for disagreeing with your political views, answer her: "Isn't it wonderful to live in a country where everyone has the right to think what they want?"
- Avoid calming a negative person. Many times those who have this attitude in life find pleasure in complaining. They can continue to talk about their problems without stopping and refusing to listen to all possible solutions. In such cases, cut short. Don't give her a hand by letting her complain endlessly. Try telling her: "I don't know what to tell you, but I'm sure you'll find the solution." Then give her a smile and end the conversation.
Step 2. Keep a good mood
It is very important not to lose sight of your happiness. Even if you live with a negative person, you need to try to enjoy life. Do whatever it takes to stay happy, despite the circumstances.
- Adopt a more positive attitude towards life. It can be difficult, especially if you are subjected to waves of negativity that try in every way to ruin your mood. However, people are generally happier when they accept their situation, good or bad. Try to think, “It is difficult to live with this person, but it is life. I am still myself and I can still see the glass half full”.
- Find time to be alone if you need it. Spend a couple of hours a day away from home. Go out with friends on Saturday nights. Surround yourself with happy and positive people and enjoy the best moments. This way you will be able to safeguard your happiness while living with an overly critical person.
Step 3. Close the report if necessary
If the criticism you receive is too harsh, perhaps it is worthwhile to understand whether it is worth continuing this relationship, especially if it is a couple relationship. It's hard to feel positive and happy with a partner who is on a war footing every day. If, after discussing the problem and finding a compromise, the situation does not change, perhaps it is time to move on. Evaluate your relationship and consider if it deserves to be saved.
